How Do You Say "Stuck-Up Twat" In Spanish?

Gwyneth Paltrow has discovered another country that's better than America: Spain.

"It is so different from the United States," Gwyneth says of the country she calls her "second home." "It seemed to have a history, and the buildings are years and years and years old. Here in the United States an old building is about 17 [years old], and over there it's from 500 B.C., it's incredible.

"Also, the way people live over there. They seem to enjoy life a little bit more. They aren't running around as much as in New York. They enjoy time with the family. They don't always have their BlackBerry on."

No, this is not the first time Gwyneth has declared an adopted home superior to the US. She also said the same shit about England once. English people, she informed us, are better conversationalists than Americans, and care more about babies and kittens.

I used to think Gwyneth was being a jerk with these observations about other countries, but now I realize that it's just tough love. Gwyneth actually wants America to be more like England and Spain and these other places where people really know how to live - that's why she writes GOOP; so Americans can learn the right way of making a vegan sandwich, just like they do in the places in the world where people aren't all smelly ruffians.

There are, as we all know, no ruffians in England or Spain. No soccer hooligans. No bloodthirsty bull fighting freaks. No drunks or rapists or suicidal Michael Jackson fans. Everyone there is very refined and tasteful and aware of the glories of life. Just like Gwyneth.