I look at Ryan Reynolds and I think, "Is this a happy man I see?" I don't ask this cause I actually care but just in idle curiosity. He is married to Scarlett Johansson, as you may recall. I say "as you may recall" because, frankly, I never see pictures of them together. Actually, I'm not entirely certain they are married. I think they may have punked us.
Lots of heteros envy this guy cause he (presumably) gets to play with Scarlett's milkbags, but, big sloppy milkbags aren't really all that hard to get your hands on. Lots of women have them. If you want to grab some bad enough, just go find an ugly, desperate, fat bitch, then close your eyes and pretend the rest of her is Scarlett. I have to explain everything to you vag-lovers, don't I?
A Happy Man?
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Posted by Melvin Ayatollahofrock'nrolla at 12:59 PM
Labels: Ryan Reynolds, Scarlett Johansson
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9 comments:
Crabbie is in full vagina-envy mode today. I guess he's just pissed because no one wants to handle his man boobs.
I want to strip Ryan Reynolds naked and stuff his fat throbbing cock all the way down my throat and suck that bastard until he squirts his hot jizz all over my festering cunt.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE... Sex Orifice.. tell me where I can meet you!!!!
@ Anon 3.22 PM - Well that depends; are you Ryan Reynolds?
MMM...Sex Orifice's festering cunt. Get some Penicillin baby. Aw hell, I know you're really a 45 year old man anyway.
Anon 4:07 - Look, I'm sorry your mother accidentally got her twat blown off whislt attempting to masturbate with a full tank of propane and has to carry her clit around in a ziplock bag in case it gets gangrene and goes sour, but that's hardly Ryan Reynold's fault now is it?
Oh fuck hole...I mean Sex Orifice...I'm sorry you had to have your two front teeth replaced after blowing your dad while he rode the mechanical bull at Big Bruce's Wild West Gay Bar. But really sweetie,they look nicer. At least they don't look like two corn niblets protruding from your swollen and bleeding gingiva any more. Besides, we all know that Chris Pine is the supreme pinnacle of male perfection. Not warn out, old Ryan Reynolds.
Sex Orifice, This is ANon 3:22...I dont look like ryan.. but i do look pretty hot.. at least the last NON Sex Orifice i was with said so.. I wish there were more people like you in the world..such a pitty there are only frigid, cold, non-putting out chicks left.. wait.. thats not fair.. there are a girls that put out.. but not at the level thats relevant..sad really
Um, Anon 5:49 PM - David Carradine's ghost called. He said you were supposed to come into the closet with him to make sure he didn't, you know, DIE and shit. And that it was quite a surprise when you instead chose to run away screaming like a little bitch because your nanometer-long dick went flaccid and the butt-plugs kept sliding out because your haemorrhoids were producing too much pus. Oh, and ocular cavity sex is your sick little turn-on, not his, so it was never going to go there anyway.
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