Maggie Gyllenhaal's Lesbo Strike Statement

Thursday, January 31, 2008



This video of Maggie Gyllenhaal and some other chicks acting all lesbo was apparently made in support of the striking writers. The premise is that these broads have all been invited to the same apartment by a guy who symbolizes the producers but he stands them up, so they decide they don't need producers and just...well, whatever. The video is telling us that the producers are sleazy and actresses are all sluts who will fuck anyone, I guess. Maggie looks slightly sexier than usual but that could just be the black and white or maybe I'm bleary-eyed from lack of sleep.

(thanks bulldog)

Okay, So, Maybe Britney Really Is Crazy


Britney Spears has reportedly been designated G.D. by the mental health professionals there at UCLA Medical Center. G.D. stands for "greatly disabled," which basically means that if someone isn't there to do stuff for Britney, she will wind up caked in her own filth and starving to death.

So apparently Britney isn't faking like I insisted and really is crazy. Well we all make mistakes.

Britney is said to be suffering a severe manic episode. It got so bad that, at one point, she started screaming that her mother was having sex with her boyfriend. Then she insisted that the only reason her mom wanted her committed was because she wants to sleep with her boyfriend some more.

It's not yet known who exactly Britney is referring to when she mentions her "boyfriend." She doesn't think Lynne is fucking Adnan Ghalib, I don't imagine...

My God, you don't think this could all be some crazy flashback. You know, to some horrible thing that happened in Britney's past. Like maybe she walked in on Lynne and Justin Timberlake...

Oh my God - I just threw up in my mouth.

(source)

Celebs Bullied ET Into Pulling Heath Ledger Drug Video


Entertainment Tonight was set to run a video that showed the late Heath Ledger bombed out of his mind on drugs at a party. But numerous celebrities and their agents and publicists, upon hearing news of this, came down hard on Entertainment Tonight, and convinced the tabloid show not to air the video after all.

Question: Where are all these concerned celebs every time some new piece of Britney video is about to break? I'll tell you where they are...having orgies.

ET had no choice but to bow to Hollywood pressure. That show depends on having access to stars, so if a bunch of publicists and agents get together and start lodging protests, threatening not to give you interviews with their clients - well, you pretty much have to cave in.

Of course, you could argue that ET never should've wanted to show the video in the first place. I myself would have reservations about running it on this site, and I'll say or show just about anything on here. What the hell do I care? I've got 9 readers. What's anyone gonna do? Sue me? For what? My lint collection? They gonna shut down my site? Fuck them. I'll just find some other way to waste my time.

I'm very glad sometimes not to be part of the great MSM suck-off. Although I wouldn't mind having their money.

(source)

Michael Jackson's Kids Will Haunt My Nightmares Forever


Michael Jackson let his kids Paris and Prince Michael take their masks off while they were in Vegas.

Michael - put the damn masks back on those kids!

To those of you who think Dirty Disher never makes fun of kids, I quote, "The boy looks like a 40-year-old serial killer." She said that to me earlier. She will deny it, but whatever.

Michael of course left his own mask on. That's because he has no face.

Depardieu Ogles Loren


Gerard Depardieu is Mr. Subtle. "Madame, I do believe I have a non-pharmaceutically-induced erection." But he said it in French so it sounded elegant.

Star Trek Orgasms



"Star Trek" and "orgasm" are not words that are normally found in such close proximity.

Daniel Smith Was Probably Murdered


A medical examiner has told an inquest that Anna Nicole Smith's son Daniel had to have died from an "intentional" overdose of methadone - but downplayed suicide as a possible explanation.

The quantity of methadone found in Smith's body indicated the ingestion of a large dose in a short time - something Dr. Lee Hern said, during testimony, was not consistent with the usual behavior of abusers.

"It's not common for people in recreational use to take large quantities all at once," Hern said. "In my study of drug abuse patients people don't take such a quantity of pills to get high. They take one or two and if the effects are not there they may take more."

Smith, according to Hern, showed no signs of methadone tolerance, meaning he was not a heavy user of the drug, and would therefore not have needed such a large dose to achieve the desired effect.

Hern all-but-discounted the possibility that Smith knowingly took the pills. To establish suicide, Hern said the case would need proof of "self destructive statements or suicidal thoughts heard by people that were close to [Smith]." There is no such evidence.

Hern then outlined how methadone could be dissolved in a liquid to mask its taste, meaning a person could take eight tablets - the number Smith is believed to have ingested - without even knowing it.

"So what we are left with is homicide," Hern flatly stated.

Howard K. Stern flushed methadone tablets down a toilet shortly after Smith's body was discovered.

(source)

Katie Holmes Straining Against The Leash?


A new report claims Katie Holmes is openly rebelling against Tom Cruise's dictatorial control of her existence. The Woman's Day magazine story says Katie is angry about the negative publicity the couple has garnered after the release of the famed Scientology videos, and about Tom making her do the movie Mad Money which completely tanked at the box office. So upset is Katie that she even reportedly stormed out of a "crisis meeting" Tom called for them.

I can see Katie being very mad at Tom. She only married him in the first place because she thought it would help her career, which wasn't the worst idea actually, given how much power and influence Tom had at that time. But, it's probably become clear to Katie by now that Tom's clout has waned. The best he could do for her was Mad Money? She got Batman even before coming under Tom's wing, but now she's even been booted from that gig. Her career has gone from promising to buried at the bottom of the trash heap...and being associated with all sorts of cultish insanity is not helping matters much. Katie had some fans before Tom, but has lost a lot of them since becoming his trophy wife, and every time more accounts of Tom's nuttiness are released, Katie loses even more.

Being Mrs. Tom Cruise is no picnic, what with the misogynistic little bastard breathing down your neck every second. Actually, in Tom's case, it's more like breathing down the back of your pants, but whatever...

(source)

Britney Spears Dragged Off To Looney Bin


Britney Spears was hauled, apparently not kicking and screaming, off to the nuthouse last night. Why this would happen when Britney clearly isn't really crazy is beyond me. Maybe she just wanted a little rest from her endless campaign of pretend-insanity, and figured a short voluntary stint at UCLA Medical Center would do.

Yes, Britney went of her own free will. TMZ reports that, after the live-in shrink put in their call to the authorities, Brit made hot chocolate and waited calmly for the paramedics. The shrink apparently made the call because Britney hadn't slept in a couple of days. I wasn't aware that she slept at all, but okay.

TMZ now says that, a few weeks ago, Britney signed papers indicating she wanted her parents kept out of any medical decisions. This stemmed from a shoving match between her father Jamie and Sam Lutfi. On the one hand, I think Britney showed sound judgment in not wanting her parents involved - since they're the ones who got her in this mess in the first place. But giving authority to Sam Lutfi to make decisions on her behalf shows the opposite of sound judgment - in fact, I wouldn't be surprised to learn Lutfi was even at this moment on his way to Brazil, having transferred all Britney's money into his own off-shore accounts.

Xenu's Biggest Fan

Wednesday, January 30, 2008


Nancy Cartwright is the biggest Scientologist in the world. Yes, the same Nancy Cartwright who has given voice to Bart Simpson for the last couple of decades. She reportedly gave $10 million to the church last year - the largest sum by any single individual.

Nancy reportedly outdonated even Tom Cruise, who gave only a paltry $5 million. And she completely blew the doors off John Travolta and Kelly Preston who gave $1 million each. In return for her generosity, Nancy was given the prestigious Patron Laureate Award.

I guess Nancy really, really wanted that Patron Laureate Award. I mean, 10 million bucks? Who knew someone who worked on The Simpsons even had that kind of money.

And how wonderful does it make you feel, Simpsons fans, to know that a part of the money you've spent on your love of the show has ended up being funneled into the Scientology coffers? Yup - if you went to see The Simpsons movie (which sucked), or if you've bought any of the DVD sets, or if you've helped the show's ratings by watching it, hence allowing the network to jack up their advertising rates and the actors to ask for more money...you've basically become a financial supporter of Scientology.

I guess now we know why, unlike South Park, The Simpsons never makes fun of Scientology or Tom Cruise. They're afraid Nancy will quit the show and they'll have to find another Bart. Of course, The Simpsons makes fun of Christianity all the time, and Judaism and Buddhism and pretty much every other religion. But they don't dare piss off the one Scientologist amongst them.

Scientologists are so open-minded and have such a wonderful sense of humor about themselves.

(source)

Sally Field Chews Out SAG President, Frightens Sandra Oh


Sally Field aka Norma Rae reportedly went on a rampage during the recent SAG Awards. Field, angry over SAG's tardiness in beginning negotiations with the studios, allegedly got up in the face of president Alan Rosenberg, then continued her assault in various other locations.

"She cornered Alan and heatedly told him off," a witness said. "Then, she proceeded to lobby other actors on her way out of the tent, where she berated a Spanish news correspondent in front of Sandra Oh. Then, not yet satisfied by the commotion she was causing, she trapped Alison Janney on the curb as they were waiting in line for their limos."

Sally, girlfriend - Norma Rae was 30 years ago. Don't you think it's time you got out of character?

Sally's rep is denying the whole thing of course.

"She was sitting next to Alan at the table and wanted to talk to him," says the rep. "She didn't corner him. She thought talks should have begun sooner and was trying to relay information from other actors that contract negotiations should begin sooner rather than later, and he became incensed. She had to raise her voice to be heard over his. She has every right to express her opinion to him."

Yeah, but does she have to make the poor guy wet his pants? I mean, that's The Flying Nun for God's sake. How would you feel if she suddenly started spitting all over you like a maniac?

(source)

John Edwards Punks Out


John Edwards has decided to give us all a break and get out of the presidential race. Good. Now there's only Hillary and Barack left. They can bicker freely back and forth at the debates without Edwards trying to score points off them by acting the "grown-up."

John - the only reason you didn't get sucked into the bickering yourself was because no one cared enough about you to attack you. Hillary and Barack were like, "When is this dipshit gonna just go away?"

Now we have the answer.

But don't despair John - you'll get that Attorney General post if Barack is elected. And if Hillary gets the job? Maybe she'll let you be ambassador to Circlejerkistan.

No George W., there isn't really a Circlejerkistan.

(source)

Two Haydens Almost Equal One Kerry


John Kerry could shove Hayden Panettiere up his butt and still have room for a bowling ball, a Thanksgiving turkey and half of Elisha Cuthbert.

What the hell were Kerry and The Pant talking about anyway? Probably something very important like whaling or ending global warming. My God, the two of them together...it's a perfect storm of boring.

Schnabel's Encounter With Drunken Young



Here's video of director Julian Schnabel's reaction to heckler Sean Young at the DGA Awards. Young allegedly yelled, "Get on with it!" to him, but you can't really hear her saying it in this vid. The clip differs slightly from initial accounts in that Schnabel never says, "Have another drink honey." He does tell Young to "Have another cocktail," which is somewhat more civilized I guess.

Young has since checked herself into a rehab facility by the way. When you start heckling no-name directors at awards ceremonies no one cares enough about to even televise - that's when you know it's time to get help.

Tom Cruise Is A Real Man


It's not like Tom Cruise needs to prove he's a man anymore. Nuh-uh. Everyone knows it. Just look at him - fucker exudes virile masculinity. And his man-musk is so powerful it causes female moose to explode from sheer sexual arousal (which is why he's been banned from Saskatchewan).

But just in case we had any doubts about what a man Tom is, he's gone and ordered himself a new motorcycle.

Oh, but not just any motorcycle - not for Tom Cruise. He's bought himself nothing less than a shiny new limited edition Ducati Desmosedici RR, valued at $72,500. And not just any new Ducati Whateverthefuck either - he's gonna get the first one to roll off the assembly line.

"We are delighted to be able to deliver the world's first production unit here in the USA to Tom Cruise, who is a well-known Ducati enthusiast," said Michael Lock, head of Ducati North America.

So Ducati has no problem being associated with Tom Cruise? That's good. Cause right now no one else will touch him.

Those Euros - they seem a little behind on this shit. They're the only ones who still like Michael Jackson too.

(source)

Angelina Is Pregnant


It's still not entirely confirmed, but it is beginning to look like Angelina Jolie really is honestly pregnant. A source has told US Weekly that she is anyway - take that for what it's worth - plus people who attended the SAG Awards say it was fairly obvious she was hiding a bump under her conspicuously voluminous dress.

No word yet on whether it's actually twins. And there's this tidbit...apparently, when confirmation-time does come around, Angie plans on selling exclusive rights to the story, and donating the money to charity.

So now we're not only selling the first baby pictures...we're selling the rights to exclusively report the confirmation. I know it's going to charity and all, but doesn't that still seem a tad, I don't know, self-important?

Why not sell the exclusive rights to be in the room when the first sonogram is taken? Why not cut a deal with some photographer to be the first one to get a picture of the new kid being shunned by the adopteds? They could finance an entire charitable endeavor just by fleecing chumps who actually think it's a big deal that the bitch is knocked up again.

Angie has the tabs eating out of her hand, doesn't she? Crafty demoness.

(source)

I Find Mitt Romney Strangely Hot. Who's With Me?

Tuesday, January 29, 2008


I wouldn't mind too much if Mitt Romney became president. Call me shallow, but I could imagine worse fates than four years of staring at a distinguished-looking, handsome, well-groomed fellow with smoldering eyes. Even if he's a Republican Mormon who by definition thinks I'm the embodiment of evil.

Yes, I know - supporting Mitt Romney would be going against my own self-interests. If I really love my country, and want to make it a better place, I will vote for the dashing young Barack Obama who has been officially anointed the reincarnation of JFK...by no less an authority than JFK's own brother Teddy.

Barack ain't so bad to look at himself, actually. I could live with him becoming president too. John McCain though...no thanks. That guy's head looks like a baked potato after it's been in my microwave for a couple minutes. And frankly I've never gone for those military types. He probably says 0700 hours instead of 7 o'clock. At least we don't have to worry about him doing any one-armed push-ups to prove his manliness...

No McCain for me...and no Hillary Clinton either. What a disaster a Hillary presidency would be. I mean, can you imagine...some big international summit with all the great leaders of the world, the fate of humanity on the line and such, and out comes Hillary in her lemon-yellow pantsuit? Nightmare!

I'm sorry kids, but I'm just not ready for a woman president...who doesn't know how to dress herself. Condie Rice I could get behind, as long as she wore those knee-boots she likes so much. And Nancy Pelosi? Only if Rachel Zoe gave her a total makeover. God, and someone has to do something about that perpetual look of surprise she wears on her face. It's like she spends her whole life being flashed by her uncle.

These people are all freaks, when you get right down to it. And Mitt is no exception...but Mitt's freakiness is of a kind I find oddly appealing. He's just such a dope. Like when he tried to relate to the black folks. You saw that video right?



Mitt got savaged by all the smarty-pantses like Jon Stewart and Bill Maher - because those guys, as we know, are too hip for any room. And they love destroying guys like Mitt because he doesn't have a lick of irony, and because he looks like the kind of guy who nailed the hot cheerleaders they all wanted to fuck but couldn't get because they were too busy smoking pot and calling for people to be impeached. That's why the smart-alecks hate Romney - he reminds them of their miserable childhoods. They think Mitt has never experienced a second of frustration or disappointment in his entire life. They despise him because he's openly optimistic while they are suicidal misanthropes. They ascribe devious motives to him and insist that underneath his sunny, Reaganesque exterior there is only cynicism and calculation and hatred.

Well, poo on them. I like Mitt. I think he's a dear. So what if he's a Neo-Con war-monger waiting to happen? So we invade a few more Arab countries and make another few million young Muslims want to destroy us. We're fucked anyway. We might as well go down staring at someone cute who we don't mind being fooled by (as long as our fantasies include him getting the hell out before the sun comes up).

Britney Intervention Takes Unlikely Turn - Into Mercedes Dealership


Sleazy Sam Lutfi is involved in some kind of bizarre tug-of-war with Britney Spears's family over control of the apparently downward-spiraling pop-star's life. According to TMZ, Britney's mother Lynne and other members of the Spears clan are, even as we speak, staging some kind of intervention in hopes of getting Britney into treatment (the joke's on them cause she ain't a crazy person - she only plays one on the Internet). But Lutfi obviously doesn't want the intervention to succeed. In some kind of wacked-out strategic move, Lutfi convinced Britney - in the middle of the intervention - to head to a Mercedes dealership and shop for a new car. And Lynne even went along!

This is a genius ploy by Lutfi. Why? Think of what he's saying to Britney by making her go out to buy a new Mercedes. "This is a great life ain't it Brit?" Lutfi is telling her. "Spending your money as you see fit. Being extravagant. Answering to no one. But if they take control of your life, all that ends."

Lutfi is desperate to keep his spot in the poshest car on the Britney Spears gravy train. So he has to fight Lynne and the others. It's a gosh dang battle for Britney's soul y'all, and it's happening right in front of us!

(source)

Dunst Upset At Jake-Reese Affair


Kirsten Dunst is reportedly distraught over news that Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon may be pondering marriage.

“Hearing that [Jake and Reese] are close to getting engaged is like a knife to her heart,” a friend of Dunst's told Star Magazine.

“Seeing photos of him out with her kids is just too much to handle. She always thought she and Jake would reunite, but now those dreams have faded.”

Faded like her career? Like her attention to her personal hygiene? Like the world's interest in her snaggletoothed assed?

Here's the deal Kiki - you may have been hot enough at one time to nab Jake Gyllenhaal, but a lot has happened since then. For one thing...have you looked at yourself lately? And for another thing...well, Marie Antoinette wasn't exactly a smash, was it? Then you have Reese: Okay, maybe she's no beauty-queen, but she definitely has her shit together way more than you. She has an Oscar, and commands over $10 million a picture. Plus she has a settled personal life that includes kids and behaving like a responsible adult. And you? Your life is dating filthy rock-stars, and getting fall-down drunk on a nightly basis and basically making an ass of yourself. Jake may have been attracted to that sort of nonsense when he was younger, but he's grown up now. He's left you way, way behind. And it's time for you to realize that, and get over your delusional hopes that you and he will one day be reunited.

There is someone out there for you though Kiki - and his name is Pete Doherty. Look him up. You guys would be a fabulous couple...of pathetic wash-outs.

(source)

Con Man Dupes Cruise And Travolta


Tom Cruise and John Travolta both reportedly received phone calls in recent days from a man claiming to be Kim Ledger, the grieving father of Heath Ledger - and were both at least temporarily taken in by the con man.

According to the New York Post, the impostor convinced Cruise thoroughly enough to have "a couple phone conversations" with the actor, but was finally cut off after Ledger's people sent out a warning to Hollywood to be on the look-out for the fake Kim. Cruise's reps have since released a statement insisting Cruise realized almost immediately that the man was a charlatan and hung up the phone.

The Post also says that Travolta was initially talked into buying the impostor a plane ticket from Australia to the U.S., but caught on before going through with the purchase. Travolta's people, like Cruise's, claim that the actor saw through the fake Kim's charade almost immediately and never went so far as to agree to buy the ticket.

And what do Tom Cruise and John Travolta have in common besides being fat douches? Yes kids - they are both Scientologists.

If you're a con-man looking to bilk famous people, the obvious strategy is to choose Scientologists - because you already know what gigantic suckers they are.

Of course, in Cruise's case at least, you know there was more to it than just his being a dupe. You know Cruise wanted desperately to believe that this really was Heath Ledger's heartbroken father on the phone. Cause think about it: Heath Ledger may have died from using prescription drugs. Tom Cruise is on a crusade against prescription drugs. The grieving father calls Tom looking for support. Tom takes advantage of the father's grief by roping him in to being a Scientologist, a great "get" for Tom in his war on psychiatry. What a gigantic boost for Tom inside the Scientology world, not to mention the feast for his ravenous ego.

And that's what truly makes a world-class sucker - when your own crazy fixations blind you to the obvious.

(source)

Matthew Broderick Doesn't Care What You Think Of Him. Or His Dog.


The shit-green pants. Everything in this picture would be bearable, if not for the shit-green pants.

Hey Matthew - auditioning for a spot on the all-new Captain Kangaroo?

The dog is totally going to get his ass kicked by the cool dogs, but at least he's warm.

Eva Longoria Steps Out...Without Tony Parker


Eva Longoria is pals with Mario Lopez. They went out to dinner together. Tony Parker wasn't there.

Is that a toilet right behind Mario? What kind of fucking restaurant is that?

Okay, I'm not trying to suggest that Mario and Eva are fucking. Everyone knows they're fucking, so there's no need for me to suggest it. What I want to know is whether they really have three-ways with Tony. And if Eva only consents to these three-ways because Tony constantly begs her. And if Tony and Mario end up all over each other, with poor Eva off to the side looking pissed for awhile before she finally leaves to watch the View episodes she Tivoed or maybe do some mopping (with a cigarette dangling precariously from her lips, and her eyes going to the ceiling every time there's a particularly loud scream of ecstasy).

You know that totally happens.

Michael Lohan Is God's Instrument


Michael Lohan is on the warpath against a drug dealer who wants to blab to the tabs about Lindsay's habit.

"I've been looking for the people who've been selling my daughter and these other kids the drugs," ex-convict Michael said. "And come hell or high water, one day I'm going to expose them. God is going to get even with this guy."

I see. So Michael isn't merely trying to shut this pusher up to keep him from destroying what's left of Lindsay's career - he's actually on a righteous crusade against the guy. A crusade that has been mandated by the almighty.

Sounds to me like Michael's the one who's been associating with drug dealers, and more importantly their products.

(source)

More Staged Britney Nonsense


Tonight we bring you another episode of Britney Spears: Ride the Crazy Train. In the latest installment, Britney has a confrontation with her manager Sam Lutfi. A distraught Brit calls boyfriend Adnan Ghalib to come over straight away and rescue her from the enraged Sam. But Sam tells the security guards to keep Adnan out. And someone calls the LAPD to keep back all the paps trying to get a picture of the mayhem!

Adnan's photo agency releases a statement explaining his role in the tomfoolery:


Adnan did not try to break into Britney’s house. Anyone who claims that to be the case has been severely misinformed.

The truth is that Sam Lutfi started an argument with Britney and the two ended up in a screaming fight. Sam continued to verbally abuse Britney as she sat barefoot on the curb at her Summit home crying holding her dog London.

Britney called Adnan for help and he heard the distress in her voice and drove to the Summit immediately. While outside the gates he was denied access as Sam Lutfi had informed the guards that he was not allowed entry. When Adnan then tried to call Britney it seems that Sam had turned all of her cell phones off.


Oh my God...what will happen next?

(source)(source)

Brad Pitt Makes With The Funny Face

Monday, January 28, 2008


She really is driving him over the edge isn't she?

Britney Spears Is Getting Treatment


Britney's shady pal Sam Lutfi has told Barbara Walters that Britney is starting treatment for mental issues.

"There is a man named Sam Lutfi, who is the manager and very good friend of Britney," Walters said today on The View. "He has been staying with her constantly.

"He got in touch with us... I can't vouch for this... He seemed to be very knowledgeable and he certainly was very nice.

"He said Britney was suffering from what he describes as mental issues which are treatable.

"He said that she has been to a psychiatrist and ... I assume she is starting some kind of treatment.

"She has been having mood swings. She has been having some kind of trouble sleeping."

There are several alarming things about this. One, Sam Lutfi is now acting as Britney's spokesman. Two, Lutfi has Barbara Walters's number. Three, Barbara Walters is repeating shit Sam Lutfi told her. Four, Barbara Walters is still on the air. Five, Barbara Walters is still above ground.

All lies. Everyone knows by now that Britney is not crazy and the whole thing is an act. Lutfi was simply helping to perpetuate the fiction of Britney's insanity by contacting Walters and telling her this crap. And why Walters? Because she is old and senile and no longer possesses even a shred of journalistic judgment. If some random person called Barbara and told her Vladimir Putin had been caught in a love-nest with Condoleezza Rice, Barbara would not even bother trying to find a corroborating source. She would go on the air with the story as if it were the gospel truth.

As for Britney...she hasn't ripped her clothes off in public lately, so that's good right?

(source)

Sean Young Hits 10 On The Crazy-Scale


Sean Young
has emerged from her cocoon, where she spent the last several years storing up crazy, readying herself for her grand rebirth. And where did the fabled maniac strike this time? The Directors' Guild Awards.

Why she was actually there, no one can say. She was in rare form though. Clearly soused, and in the company of a man who was said to be "oblivious" to her antics, Ms. Young randomly picked out targets from amongst the high-falutin. According to witnesses, Ms. Young variously heckled Marion Cotillard, shouted things at a clip of George Clooney from Michael Clayton, burst spontaneously into song, and, most notoriously, shouted obscenities at The Diving Bell and the Butterfly director Julian Schnabel, who bravely stared down the legendary maniac, shouting back at her, "Have another drink, honey." It was at this point that security decided to cut Ms. Young's act short. A guard took her by the arm, dragged her out through a side door and tossed her.

Oh, if only every awards show had Sean Young. Imagine how much more fun last night's stuffy SAG Awards would've been had Sean been there to yell hideously inappropriate things. Like at the end of Daniel Day-Lewis's speech when he dedicated his award to Heath Ledger. How much better would that have been had Sean then stood up and screamed, "Did him!" Or when Julie Christie paid tribute to the striking writers. What did that moment need? Sean Young hollaring, "Who did your make-up, a mortician? Get off the stage you dried-up old crone. I could've played your part in my sleep. And without expelling the reek of the crypt from my vagina!"

I love Sean Young.

(source)

Leah Rimini Has A Message For You


Leah Rimini is the latest high-profile Scientologist to have her wackiness exposed to the public. There's no video this time unfortunately...just a nutty email addressed from Rimini to struggling Scientologists. And here it is in all its lunatic glory:

Hi!

This is Leah Remini Writing you again. Some of you may know me from the TV show "King of Queens", but what is more important is that I am now OT V and at one point I was a very stalled Clear. A lot of people helped me to get OT, and I decided I was going to turn around and help every Clear make it to OT.

A couple of months ago, you received a letter from me about an event I was holding to help people move who were stalled on the Bridge. Obviously you did not come and for some reason, feel you are not indeed a "stalled Clear". Let me start with the definition of
"stalled". Not that you are-but who knows? STALL: To slow down or halt the progress of. (American Heritage Student Dictionary). If you are not aggressively moving on your next step-your next "Gradechart Action", you are stalled. Look at the Gradechart, it says: Clear- Sunshine Rundown-Solo Course Part 1-OT Preparations and so on up the chart. If you are not on your next step as per this chart, and are not on a prerequisite for Solo, you are stalled-plain and simple.

If your C/S has CS ed you for the PTS SP course, or some other
needed action to get you rolling up the GRADECHART faster, then do it, and do it fast. I have experience being a Stalled Clear. I was
the kind of gal who went on course MAYBE a period a day, only on
weekdays, and that was ONLY if I had the time. I felt I deserved a
special award for being there and they couldn't possibly ask for
more. I remember thinking and saying out loud, "I WILL NEVER be like those idiots who wait 10 years to go OT!" 10 years later, I hadn't moved. I mean I did everything else but move on to Solo One. I did other courses, I got myself in to trouble, then needed some FPRD and then I would finish that and it would be "my finances"... I would hear people talk to me about other Clears and refer to them as "stalled Clears" and I would be like "Yeah-they are totally stalled. You guys should handle them." Never once did I think "I" was a stalled Clear, because I was always doing something. Once my mother told me I was stalled and I actually thought she was an idiot. Really, I thought "Wow, she really should handle that." I also thought she just didn't know me. My mom is OT VII and a Class VI. She did know me and she was right. So, it is up to you now to be honest with yourself and look at your own progress up the Bridge.

Do you ever wonder why you are not moving? No? Then that's an outpoint. You are Clear, you are special, why have you not moved? Whatever the reason, there is an answer and a solution. I don't care what it is: you were not serviced right or fast enough, people don't get you, you have other things going on that we don't get, you are helping others, you are upset, you haven't been acked, your life is actually going well, your life is not going well, there's no money there's no time, if you were a millionaire you would do it no problem, you are waiting for your 2D to make it, there's no urgency, you are not sure if you have what it takes to be OT, you hated your auditor, you don't like the parking situation...WHATEVER IT IS, IT IS STOPPING YOU AND THERE IS A REASON FOR THAT!

Why am I telling you this and who the hell am I writing you? Do you think that I have nothing better to do with my time than write you letters and put on events? Do you think I make some sort of
commission off you? The answer is that I don't have better things to do than to support my group and help when I can. Clears ARE my group. And no- I don't make a dime. Does that make you wonder, "Why the hell does she care?". Or... "Why does the Org care?" Well, when you do your levels you too will care. Sept 11th (9/11) kicked me in the ass.

I finally realized that all it takes is a few madmen to take us all
down. There I was, just running on my treadmill thinking life is
okay. I'm going on course every so often, (when I had time) and BAM! Life has changed. I suddenly thought, "Oh my God, what if I'm stuck in this condition again and I have to--what? Do it all over again? Where would I go? What would I do? Would some secret Scientology police come down and save me? Is there a secret back-up plan? I was sure there was. But there isn't . All it would take is another tragic event to happen again and we are all done. There will be no planet for us to be stalled, or "just doing okay" on. There would be nothing! The only plan is for you to move on up to OT as fast as you can. That is the secret. Really. I am asking you to get it together. You are in charge and responsible for what you do this lifetime. Not being on course and not doing your next step is getting you where?

Play out the scenario-there you are being a Clear, being right about whatever it is that is keeping you from being on course and doing
your next step. Years go by, you are making money, you have a nice house and a nice car. You spent time with those friends you wanted to hang out with, you cleaned out the garage, you traveled. You do all the things that were keeping you from taking your next step. Then what? Then you are going to move? I hate to say this but you are lying to yourself. You need to move now, regardless of your situation. Are you just going to keep in place what you have had sitting there for lifetimes to come? Do you think we are just going to be here forever? So I say knock off any critical thought right now that you may have about me, the orgs, your FSM, your auditor, anyone else, and contact us so we can help you. All you need to do is just reach once and we can help. LRH was very clear on what we need to do- obviously in some way you are out of agreement with that. That again, is an outpoint, and we can help you with that.

You're waiting because of money? Or for your wife to do it first or
for you to strike it rich? It will not happen without your decision
to go up the levels. That is the truth. You owe it to yourself, your
family, and to mankind to move and move NOW.

In closing, this is not going to happen often. I am only doing this
again because some of you did not show. I hope to see you on
September 28th at 11:30am at the AOLA atrium for a second chance.

There will be brunch served, free of course! Do this for yourself-
just blow through whatever it is that is sitting there, and just
come. It's not going to kill you- I promise!

Much love,
Leah Remini


Oh there's brunch? Good. Cause I like to have a little bite before I get hammered in my brain by a bunch of fucking crazy people.

Reading that was, I have to say, almost as excruciating as the three hour Scientology summit/infomerical I subjected myself to the other night after downloading it. But, this is the sort of thing I'm willing to do...because I am a crusader against Scientology.

Actually, I don't give a flying fuck about Scientology, except that it makes for fantastic comic material. I am way too lazy to be a crusader against anything. I don't even get upset and complain when I buy something at the grocery store and it turns out to be spoiled. I just throw it away or cook it real good and eat it anyway. That's cause I'm a doormat. I'm only aggressive and angry on this blog. I just wanted to clear that, so that hopefully I will be able to get off the bridge and become OT. Or whatever the fuck.

(source)

Marion Cotillard At SAG Awards

Sunday, January 27, 2008


The divine Ms. Marion Cotillard graces the SAG Awards.

Michelle Pfeiffer Rocks The SAG Red Carpet


Look everybody, it's Michelle Pfeiffer. You know. The Catwoman who didn't suck.

Brad And Angie Inside The SAG Awards


"Don't worry honey. I've got the emergency numbers tattooed right here on my palm. See? Police. Fire. Ambulance. Suicide hotline. Plastic surgeon..."



"Hey Clooney. How's it working out with the stripper? Dope."



"Why do I taste sulfur?"


"Do you think if I blew you every night for two weeks we could get ourselves another..."

"Don't even say it."

"But I want another..."

"You can blow me every hour on the hour for the rest of my life honey, but there is no fucking way I'm adopting another one."

"Fine. Fuck you then. I'm calling Ryan Gosling. I'm sure he'd appreciate a blow-job..."

Angie And Brad At SAG Awards


The SAG Awards are tonight. Red carpet pics everybody!

Angie's wearing a loose dress. Jack up those pregnancy rumors.

Yup, right on cue.



Is he holding her arm or checking for a pulse?



Longoria Gets Her SAG On


Hey Eva, it's called the SAG Awards, not the Westminster Dog Show.

Eh, I actually like Longoria. She makes me laugh.

Ashley Tisdale, SAG Awards


Ashley Tisdale blows a kiss. Would someone please teach these dumb little Disney tramps a new move?

Teri Hatcher At SAG Awards


Teri
...it's the SAG Awards, not the HAG Awards. Hahahahahaha...

Michelle Williams Wanted Sole Custody Of Matilda


More details are coming out about what a mess Heath Ledger's life was in the months leading up to his death. The latest revelation: Ledger believed his ex-fiancee Michelle Williams was set to seek sole custody of their daughter Matilda, on the grounds that Heath's drug-taking made him a bad influence.

The dirt comes from Rebecca White, an alleged member of Ledger's "inner-circle." White told the Daily Mail:

Heath believed Michelle was going for sole custody.

She wanted nothing to do with him and many of his friends believed that in the last couple of weeks that really pushed him over the edge. He was getting more reckless than ever with cocaine and heroin.

His use of downers - sleeping pills and anti-anxiety pills and antidepressants- was also getting heavier because he needed them to sleep.

Heath was a very shy, insecure man. But in celebrity circles you need something to ground you, and for him that was being a father and the idea that Michelle might still take him back and they might still be a family.

Even though he was seeing other women, there was one side of him that still wanted their relationship to work. But there was also the side that depended on drugs because he felt like a fish out of the water.

He was not the type to have killed himself. The way I hear it, he went out the night before, he was doing cocaine, he wasn't able to sleep, and the investigators think he woke up, didn't remember taking sleeping pills and then took what accidentally was an overdose.


White says the Ledger/Williams relationship was a disaster waiting to happen from the beginning:


It was this movie-set romance and Michelle got unexpectedly pregnant. It absolutely would not have lasted if she hadn't.

He was still seeing other women. Heath was an Adonis and she was dowdy and not in his league - careerwise or looks-wise - and no one could understand why they got together. I knew Heath used drugs because the first time I met him, at Puff Daddy's house in Los Angeles, Heath asked Naomi [Campbell] for cocaine. At another party in Paris, Heath took at least six Ecstasy pills, popped them in his mouth all at once and swigged them with a bottle of champagne.

He was a partygoer and Michelle was quite straight. But when she got pregnant, Michelle was determined to have the baby. Heath wanted to do the right thing and stick by her.


Ledger's lifestyle finally got to be too much for the teetotaling Michelle:


Michelle kicked Heath out because he would be showing up all hours of the night with this band of hangers-on and doing drugs.

Michelle started to talk about going for sole custody. She wanted to be responsible 100 per cent.

She felt he couldn't be responsible for the baby because he wasn't responsible for himself.

He got deeper and deeper into drugs as his fears of losing Matilda increased.


Heath was at least as messed-up as Pete Doherty it sounds like. The difference being that Heath managed to keep his excesses mostly private, while people like Doherty seem to deliberately make a public nuisance of themselves. Still, it has not been proven that Ledger died of a drug overdose. The latest is that his death may have been from natural causes. What "natural causes" means when you're already a drug addict who sleeps 2 hours a night is hazy at best. Maybe he had a weakened heart and didn't die directly from the sleeping pills...but what caused the weakened heart? There was nothing natural about that guy's death, I don't care what anyone says.

By the way...Michelle Williams is "dowdy?" I think she's quite beautiful. That Rebecca White chick needs glasses.

(source)

Adnan Ghalib Peddling Britney Vids


Britney's skeezy pap lover Adnan Ghalib is peddling videos he's made of the disintegrating pop-star, claims News of the World. Predictably, the videos do not show Britney in a flattering light. NOTW's account of the three clips that have been made available:

CLIP No1 shows Britney sitting on her bed wearing a nightie. She talks about herself in the third person and rambles about her childhood. She's heard saying:

"When Britney was a child, she had to work really hard. When she was 13 years old, she won all the beauty pageants."

CLIP No2 shows Brit wrapped in a white bath towel, again perched on the edge of the bed. Talking to thin air, she mumbles:

"Britney has an angel looking out for her, don't you, angel?"

CLIP No3 sees Britney talking to Adnan, who's holding the camera, and calling him by his pet name Bubba.

She smiles: "I'm really happy. Bubba's here for me now. It's all good."


The tab claims there are six videos in all, three of which Ghalib is holding back. The pap, it's alleged, is seeking $2 million for the whole collection. I think he's underestimating the market though. I think there's someone out there who would gladly pay $5 million for that shit. It's Britney Spears, bitches. If the world is nothing but a crazy train, then Britney is the freaking conductor. She's up there in the engine with a big old hat on yelling "Woo-woo" at the top of her lungs. Hell, $10 million might be more like it.

Seriously...Britney's relationship with Ghalib has got to be one the most fucked-up in history, doesn't it? I mean, I've heard of co-dependency, but co-exploitation? That's basically what this deal is right now. Britney gets her perverse kicks by stringing this poor peasant along, and Ghalib gets paid by glomming on to poor friendless attention-starved clueless Britney and selling the footage. Of course, it's possible I'm being completely naive about the whole thing. It's possible Britney participated willingly in the creation of the videos and will get half of whatever they bring in.

Actually, when you think about it, the whole Britney/Ghalib association makes perfect sense. Britney's whole life is one endless reality show. She makes money by striking deals with photo agencies which document said life. It's merely a matter of convenience, having one of the paps as a boyfriend. He can get the real inside exclusive stuff that no one else can, then sell it, then split the money with her. The more I think about it, the more I suspect that Ghalib and Britney are probably in a room someplace counting their cash and giggling at all us idiots. Or maybe I'm giving Britney too much credit? I don't know. I just have a feeling that, when the truth is revealed, we'll find out the whole thing was one big sham. Britney was never crazy, and Ghalib was specifically hired to be her personal pap. Will that be a scandal, or will everyone just yawn?

(source)

I Refuse To Exploit Miley Cyrus By Posting Her Naughty Pictures

Saturday, January 26, 2008

It would be easy to jump on the bandwagon and post the leaked pictures of Miley Cyrus that some people think are so naughty (and Charlie Sheen copied and set as his desktop). But I refuse. That's a sick game and I won't play it.

So, you won't be seeing any pictures like this:


Or this:


I repeat...I refuse to post naughty Miley Cyrus pictures or Miley Cyrus leaked pictures or Miley Cyrus MySpace pictures or Hannah Montana underwear pics. No way. Not this little black duck.

Cloverfield


I salute J.J. Abrams. He gave his all to the task of taking every monster movie cliche imaginable and re-packaging them so as to make them no longer seem quite so hoary and lame. He didn't succeed, but he deserves kudos for the effort. In a world of cynical lazy-asses, J.J. at least gives a damn.

In case you haven't heard, Cloverfield is a giant new movie about a monster terrorizing New York. And no, the monster is not Harvey Fierstein or the risen corpse of Leona Helmsley - those movies would've been too scary to even be released. This monster is big and icky and may have come from the sea or perhaps space. Or it may have crawled out of Ed Koch's butt. That's never really answered. The important thing is that it's gigantic and it likes knocking over buildings. It's like the world's angriest architectural snob. "Monster can't stand Chicago School. Must smash!" It also defiles the Statue of Liberty by biting its head off and spitting it into a skyscraper. That's not nearly as horrid a desecration as what happened to the statue in Ghostbusters II. Or just the fact of it being in Ghostbusters II.

The movie has not been shot like a typical Roland Emmerich-style disaster epic - thank God. J.J. Abrams has tried to break new ground with his technique, so the whole movie is shot from the point-of-view of a single guy with a digital camera.

All right, so it's only ground-breaking if you forget about The Blair Witch Project. Which I'm very happy to do. Because it sucked. And I still have nightmares about that one actress with the runny nose. What ever happened to her? If you live in Hoboken and go to a lot of dinner theater, look around for her for us. Thanks.

Back to Cloverfield...this shaky-cam technique makes everything very crazy and first-person. I personally liked it. Of course, the conceit is a somewhat difficult one to maintain. At first the action is all in this party full of yuppies who are saying goodbye to one dude who's moving to Japan (the joke being that monsters usually attack Japan...but not this time bitch). The cameraman is some dopey guy who's supposed to be taping farewell messages but he's more interested in some chick who sort of looks like Milla Jovovich. Anyway, it's easy to roll with the idea that this guy is filming random stuff and just gets too immersed in his work, which is why he spends the whole night obnoxiously following people around. It gets somewhat harder to swallow, however, after the monster strikes. Dude, it's like, drop the camera and run! No...he needs to film the carnage, for posterity. Okay, it's a stretch, but I can dig it.

Everyone ends up fleeing the party, and Abrams conveniently whittles the number of protagonists down to four. Soon they're all in a subway tunnel and of course the camera conveniently has night-vision. Then these little mini-monsters attack from the ceiling...yeah there are mini-monsters. They're basically little blurs of lashing arms. Of course the dude with the camera never stops filming, even when his friends are being attacked. Cause there'd be no movie.

Here's how the hoary cliches work themselves in. "You know, any sensible person would just flee the city as fast as possible, but I've got to be a hero and go save the girl I love who's trapped in a building the monster has attacked. And my faithful buddy with the camera is going to follow me because...because...we're buds for life and that's what buds too. And also my dead brother's girlfriend will come along and the random Milla-looking chick because...um...help me out here..."

Abrams stretches credulity in finding excuses for the characters to keep going toward danger instead of away. Which is pretty much how all these movies work. And I'm sure Abrams realized how clunky his underlying mechanism was...but he didn't care. He counted on the sheer physical experience of the film carrying the viewer through. It does. The first moments when the monster attacks are gripping, with their shamelessly inappropriate echoes of 9/11 (Spielberg did the same thing in War of the Worlds, so that makes it all right I guess), and though the movie loses a lot of its initial momentum it remains compelling throughout.

And no, I did not get sick from the shaky-cam. Didn't even get queasy. Some people have weak stomachs. I don't know what would happen if you sat next to a really smelly person though and were a little sick to begin with. Like some beer-belching asshole, the kind who giggles every time someone dies. I wish the Cloverfield monster would go to those people's houses and eat them. Then, I want it to go to Paris and devour the Centre Pompidou. Cause it's ugly and stupid.

I basically want to be friends with the Cloverfield monster. I think he may just be misunderstood. Is it a he? It gives birth to the mini-monsters so it must be a she. Unless Cloverfields are both. Or neither. Damn, Fred Phelps is so going to condemn the Cloverfields. "Down to hell with you evil statue-chomping thing from the depths of the sea or perhaps space." Call in an air-strike on Fred Phelps! Okay I'm rambling.

Cloverfield gets 3 Chips Ahoy out of 4. It's rated PG13 for rampant yuppie obnoxiousness, scary whip-arm things attacking people and the wanton destruction of national monuments.

Tara Reid Feels Persecuted


Tara Reid thinks the press is picking on her, and that just ain't right. The oft-drunk party girl insists she never did anything to deserve such scorn - unlike certain other young skanks.

"What have I ever really done?" Reid says. "Dance on a table? When Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton got their DUIs they got punished, they deserved it.

But my punishment, I don't feel like it fits the crime. I don't understand why people punish others for being happy."

I don't even know where to begin Tara. First of all, no one really cares enough about you to "punish" you. Your press coverage is more mocking than anything else, and let's face it, you brought that on yourself. You wanted the attention - or are we supposed to believe your boobs came out of your dress on accident all those times? Not likely.

Furthermore, you my dear are clearly not happy. Happy people don't get hammered every damn night of the week, and they certainly don't spend thousands on plastic surgery, then more thousands to reverse the effects of the original surgery. You are in abject misery every day of your life, and frankly, that's how we want you to be. If you became truly happy, you would no longer be good for even the few chuckles you give us once every few months. And really, what else are you going to do with your life? Are you going to start up a bed & breakfast or maybe go back to college and go for that law degree? No. You are a silly drunk whore Tara...it's what you were born to be, and you perform the role adequately.

(source)

Fred Phelps Gets Wild


Fred knows how to party. And he loves sucking cock.

Ledger Ill On Film Shoot


Heath Ledger was in the middle of filming Terry Gilliam's The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus when he passed. Ledger's co-star on the film, Christopher Plummer, talks about the illness Heath was battling the last time he saw the doomed star:

Heath did have a terrible, lingering bug in London, and he couldn't sleep at all. We all - I thought he'd probably got walking pneumonia, which they seem to think he had. Of course, I don't really know, but that's the latest...

The last few days we were shooting outside a pub. Always outside. Cold as bejesus. You know how damp it gets in London. And at night the temperature drops horribly, and that little breeze gets up. You have to wear tons of stuff...

Shooting at night in a big city, it's not easy.... We were working in such dire conditions in London, outside every night in the cold. Which may have contributed somewhat to his health. We were all armed with antibiotics all the time. It wasn't exactly joyous, except that the film itself was fun to do.

Heath's death is sort of literally unbelievable, because apart from the sleeping, he was in such good form.... There was a sweetness about him. He was a very charming and gentle guy, actually... I just left a very laughing, happy fellow, practically a few minutes ago.

(source)

I No Longer Fear Scientology

Friday, January 25, 2008


If you can make it through the whole 3 hour "Scientology Summit" put up on The Pirate Bay today, then you deserve some kind of prize. I made it through exactly 51 minutes before shutting it off. If I want to watch 3 hours of infomercial, I'll just throw on Bravo at 1 in the morning. At least then I might find out about a new salad tosser or something that slices, dices and makes julien fries.

David Miscavige, ladies and gentleman, is not the leader of a cult - he is a book salesman. He stands at a podium in this video, droning on and on about how the original L. Ron Hubbard Scientology/Dianetics books were full of errors, omissions and other stuff never intended by the author, and how all this has been corrected now by going back to Hubbard's original notes and lectures. Miscavige then has the audacity to say that the new books resulting from all this work are not just a "re-packaging" of the old books. In other words...Miscavige insists to the assembled Scientology drones (and they are drones) that they are not merely being sold rearranged versions of the shit they already bought and read. He tells them that these new books are essential to their understanding of Scientology and if they read them they will know more than Scientologists of past years ever knew.

I'm telling you, this fucker could sell ice cubes to Eskimos - if the Eskimos were rich, stupid and totally brainwashed.

Like I said, it's an infomercial. Of course, Miscavige's interminable, asinine "lecture" is interspersed with all sorts of cool graphics showing the shiny new books, and the lecture CDs and all the other accompanying material. Miscavige isn't even subtle about it. At one point he even gushes about the typeface, and how computers were used to devise the most comprehensive of glossaries for each book. Wow. Glossaries! Indexes! Pretty typefaces! Yes, and if I have all this, I will understand the mysteries of the universe!

And the sad thing? The idiot crowd keeps standing up and applauding. I swear to God, they applauded the typeface! Shitburgers are too dumb to see that their leader is nothing but a cheap hawker of dull quasi-literature! That L. Ron Hubbard was nothing but a science-fiction hack who started out trying to re-invent psychology, then got carried away with his crazy train-of-thought, and wound up inventing a bunch of meaninglessly arcane terminology in a weak attempt at making his painfully obvious observations sound profound. It's freaking gibberish!

Pathetic. And not terrifying at all. Mind-numbingly boring really. And silly and two-bit. The sort of shit only a mental midget like Tom Cruise could ever possibly embrace.

Poor Tom - the sad thing isn't that he's insane, it's that his insanity has chosen to coalesce around something so inane. It's like being out of your skull over the lyrics to a dopey rock song, or obsessed with some movie everyone else sees is hopelessly dumb. I just feel sorry for Cruise now and the rest of them. I hope someday they wake up and realize they've been duped, but I doubt they will.

Now It's Getting Stupid




Scientology Summit Available For Your Enjoyment


Anonymous, the organization of losers hackers who've "declared war" on Scientology, have put a DVD rip of the 2007 Scientology Summit up on The Pirate Bay. Here's the link. It's supposed to be up somewhere in streaming form soon. I'm downloading it now and will report if it ever finishes and I get to watch it. The description:

3 hours of insanity, direct from the nuts themselves. Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, John Travolta, and Kelly Preston are all there in the front row clapping away. If this video, direct from the Church of Scientology, doesn't scare the living daylights out of you, I don't know what will. Good luck, Anonymous.


Clooney's Negative Britney Experience


George Clooney spoke during a recent potential Oscar nominees roundtable about the night he found out he lives near Britney Spears:

I just found out about 10 days ago that I must live 300 or 400 yards from Britney Spears. And I found out cause I came home at 10 at night and there's all these helicopters over my house with these lights. I'd gone upstairs, and I came out and I'm in a robe. All of the sudden I see all this shit going on.

I have a guest house where my assistant sometimes is, and I think, someone has broken out of prison and like escaped, because it's a chase scene. It's something out of "Die Hard."

I get my baseball bat, which is what you always get in every film--I actually think Clive Owen said, "Get a baseball bat"--and I called up my assistant, who I thought was in the guest house, and I said, "Are you OK?"

And she's like, "Yes."

And I said, "Look, if there's someone in the place, say the word 'Stonehenge'."

And she's like, "What the fuck are you talking about? I'm in my apartment."

I go, "You're not in the guesthouse?"

"No."

So I'm, like, "Well, then, what the fuck is going on?" And I go out and I'm running around with a baseball bat in my robe.

And it turns out it's Britney Spears' house is like, 300 yards from mine. So now I have to move.

Look on the bright side George...at least you're not Brad Pitt.

Speaking of Brad...guess who else was at this roundtable? Yup - Angelina. Wonder what sort of words were exchanged between her and George. They're probably civil to each other in public. Sort of funny though, Angie being invited to a potential Oscar nominee roundtable...

(source)

Tom Cruise Wants To "Clean This Place Up"



I just can't wait to get "cleaned up" by Scientology.

On these nitwit "Anonymous" folks who are running around declaring war on Scientology...don't your He-Man jammies need laundering? Does your mom do that for you after she brings you your chocolate milk?



Westboro Creeps v. Crazy Aussie Reporter



That's a brave dude. He's lucky those crazy bible-thumping women didn't beat him with dead chickens or something.

(Thanks Barbara)

Travolta's Weird Ledger Thing


John Travolta was hit hard by the death of Heath Ledger.

"I would give back all of my awards and my nominations just to have him back again," Travolta said while speaking at the Australia Plays Broadway gala in New York Tuesday night, just hours after Ledger's death. "We love you Heath, wherever you are."

He's safe with Xenu John.

Travolta then elaborated on his Ledger-love to Woman's Day Magazine.

"He was my favourite actor and my favourite talent," Travolta says. "It's like losing James Dean.

"I wanted to meet him because I was very impressed with him from the very beginning. His agent introduced me to him at a party, and I just fell [in love]. Actors need other actors to be inspired by, and he was my actor."

Travolta gushed all this man-love out to Ledger, who was apparently embarrassed.

"He was beautiful in his reaction," Travolta says. "I was an idol of his - my reacting that way to his work really blew him away, but he was very modest and almost bashful about the compliment."

Actually he was mortified, but you were too lame to realize it.

Travolta, not surprisingly, was particularly impressed by Ledger's turn in Brokeback Mountain, saying, "I don't think anyone will ever beat that performance, I don't know if it's possible."

You were moved by Ledger playing a gay cowboy, were you John? Yeah I bet. Moved to jerk yourself into a stupor.

Jeez John, let's gush over Heath Ledger in front of a bunch of Australians at a gala. That's not pandering to the crowd or anything, eh? You phony fuck.

(source)

Angelina Pregnant With Twins


Numerous dubious sources are reporting that Angelina Jolie is pregnant with twins. Star Magazine says Angie found out about the pregnancy in the last week, and hastily canceled a planned trip to Europe. Then X17 "confirmed" the story with their "inside source" (cough James Haven cough).

"Brad and Angelina are absolutely ecstatic," a source told Star. "But I still think there will be more adoptions to come."

More adoptions. Really? Wow, you must be the new fucking Jeane Dixon with shit like that.

So Angelina's pregnant with two blobs instead of one. What does that do for the balance I wonder? Does one of the blobs count as a companion for Shiloh, meaning a fourth blob will have to be created as a companion for the one new blob who's alone? Or do the twins automatically become companions for each other meaning Shiloh will have to wait for hers (which seems sort of unfair)? Or does each of the twins need their own companion, meaning Angie will have to pump out three more kids to keep the cosmos in equilibrium? Oh, and what about poor Zahara? My head is spinning. Not as much as Brad's though. That boy's gonna be doing some serious drinking. Six fucking kids?

I wonder if Brad will try to make Angelina give one of them back. "We never really liked Maddox that much." Maybe they'll drive him out in the woods and tie him to a tree. But what if he survives, and grows up to one day take his revenge with the help of all the forest creatures he befriended? Old man Brad goes out to get his paper and there's a beaver pointing a Glock at his face. "Prepare to meet your maker bitch." That would be awesome.

(source)

Abigail Breslin And Ryan Reynolds


How old is Abigail Breslin now? Wilmer Valderrama was just asking...

Rambo v. Terminator


1986 just called. It wants its icons back.

They should totally do a remake of Twins. Stallone could take the Danny DeVito role. He's about the right height.

"Yo Arnold. I got your budget cuts right here."

Imagine a conversation between these two. That thick Austrian accent of Schwarzenegger's. And that punch-drunk slur of Stallone's. Be like listening to a pair of mental patients who just had Novocaine injections.

Fred Phelps Is One Sick Mofo

Thursday, January 24, 2008



WARNING: THIS VIDEO IS INDESCRIBABLY OFFENSIVE.

(It took me several minutes to realize Mr. Phelps was saying "Fag Enablers" and not "Faggy Neighbors." By the way, Fred Phelps takes it in the ass on a daily basis. From a Jewish Mexican. Just thought I'd tell you.)

Update: Ledger Masseuse An Even Bigger Idiot Than We Thought


The masseuse who found Heath Ledger dead in his bedroom called Mary-Kate Olsen twice before dialing 911, according to police reports. The New York Daily News quotes the masseuse as saying she called Mary-Kate "for guidance."

Let's see...you go into someone's bedroom and set up your massage stuff (this is from the police report too), then shake the guy and he doesn't respond. So you call Mary-Kate Olsen and ask her what to do. Then you shake Ledger again and realize he's cold. So you call Mary-Kate a second time and tell her, "I think he's dead." And then you call 911.

What guidance did you need, masseuse? Someone's in their bed, cold and unmoving...call fucking 911!

In the masseuse's defense...emergency responders said Heath was probably dead "for awhile" before they arrived. But who knows? Those few minutes spent getting in touch with Mary-Kate Olsen may have made a difference.

All I know is, if you need Mary-Kate Olsen to tell you what to do in any situation, you are a serious moron.

(source)

Update: The masseuse, it's now been revealed, called Mary-Kate Olsen not twice but three times, spending a total of nine minutes on the phone, before calling 911. By the way, the masseuse's name has now been revealed: it's Diana Wolozin.

If you know this woman, please, do us a favor and slap her in the teeth.

(source)

Daniel Day-Lewis Speaks Of Heath Ledger




Winehouse Drags Her Scrawny Butt To Rehab For Real


Amy Winehouse has honest-to-goodness checked herself into rehab, for real this time, I ain't lying, according to her record company.

"Amy decided to enter the facility today after talks with her record label, management, family and doctors," the official statement reads. "She has come to understand that she requires specialist treatment to continue her ongoing recovery from drug addiction and prepare for her planned appearance at the Grammy Awards. She is nominated in an incredible six categories."

Way to slip in the Grammy appearance plug, record company publicists. You guys are really on the ball.

Here's my other favorite part of the statement: "She has come to understand that she requires specialist treatment..." Um, no asswads - Amy has not come to understand anything. You all just worked on her frayed nerves until she gave in. You think she's sincere about cleaning herself up? Answer that after the rehab people catch her sneaking a puff on her homemade crack pipe in the john at two in the morning.

(source)

Britney Spears Goes Even Insaner


What was Britney Spears doing outside a Beverly Hills Elementary School at 3 in the afternoon on January 7?

Witnesses have Spears standing outside one of the school entrances, scantily-clad, puffing a cigarette and talking to herself - in other words, looking like the majority of the mothers of the kids. One brave soul approached Spears to ask her what she was doing there. Spears answered, "I’m here to pick up my kids." She then realized how stupid this sounded - since everyone on earth knows her kids are too young for elementary school - so she changed her story to, "They aren’t my kids; I have a new attorney, and I came to pick them up for her.”

The witness had her wits about her enough to reportedly ask herself, "Who in their right mind would let her pick up their kids?"

Britney was allegedly led to a different entrance by the concerned citizen. The singer waited around there awhile longer, then got bored, hopped in her car and drove off. Oh, but she did say one more thing to the kindly soul before making her exit:

"You’re so nice. You should give me your number. I don’t have very many friends."

The only unanswered question: Did Britney speak in a British accent or a trashy Louisiana twang?

(source)

Ne-Yo Not Happy With Beyonce


Rapper Ne-Yo may pursue legal action against Beyonce over a handshake agreement the bootylicious singer allegedly reneged on.

Apparently, this Ne-Yo fellow wrote a song for Beyonce called "Irreplaceable," on the understanding that Beyonce would then help him by appearing on his next record. So what does Beyonce do? Pulls out of the collaboration, leaving Ne-Yo standing there without receiving a dime in either money or services for the hit song he created.

"It doesn't look like Beyonce's going to be working on the album," a source told Hollyscoop. "Ne-Yo could have sold that song for hundreds of thousands of dollars. I know that he's consulted a lawyer over what to do about things."

Rule number 1, Ne-Yo: Always get it in writing.

What, you thought Beyonce's word was worth a damn? Why? Cause she was giving you a lapdance at the time? Bitch played you Ne-Yo. She scammed a song out of you, and now even if you sue her successfully, you're always going to be the guy who got jacked up by Beyonce.

You don't need that Ne-Yo. So you know what I say? You go old school on her big ass. Forget the lawyers - get on the horn to Remy Ma, and pay that bitch to lay for Beyonce outside the hair dresser's. Remy Ma will fuck her up good, without leaving any marks either.

Is Remy Ma actually in jail? I can't keep up on all these hip-hop personalities.

(source)

More Stars Defend Cruise


More and more stars are coming out in defense of Tom Cruise the Scientology Jesus. Like Adam Sandler who said:

To see anyone's private life invaded and mocked like this is sickening. It's especially gross when it happens to a guy like Cruise, who's a great dad, a great husband, and a great friend.

Does Nicole Kidman agree with Adam that Cruise is a "great husband?" Sandler should stick to making boob jokes in homophobic movies.

Tom's Rain Man co-star Dustin Hoffman said:

Tom Cruise is an American and has the right to freedom of speech and freedom of religion.

Yeah, yeah. And Dustin Hoffman has the right to spend twenty years making one shitty movie after another. That doesn't mean we have to pat him on the back for it.

Daniel Snyder, Washington Redskins owner and Tom's financial partner in United Artists, had this to say:

Tom is a winner. That's a fact. He is a terrific actor, a terrific father and a terrific person. I'm proud to be his friend.

If I knew who you were, Daniel, I might bother slamming you.

Ben Stiller weighs in:

Imagine having a baby and people talking about it the way they did. People lose sight of the fact that Tom Cruise is actually a person. I feel for him.

Ben is obviously referring to the whole "Suri was conceived using L. Ron Hubbard's sperm" story. Hate to break the news to Ben, but that little rumor got started inside Scientology - all Andrew Morton did was report it. So who's picking on Suri? Not most people I know of. Most people seem to adore Suri and think she's beautiful. If anything, people feel sorry for Suri, because they know she has a fucking nutjob for a father, and is going to be indoctrinated into his insane religion without having any choice in the matter. I don't care what anyone says...people who pound religion into the minds of children are evil. And I'm not only talking about Scientologists. If you're a Christian and you program your kids to only think the way you do without ever encouraging them to find out what other choices the world has to offer, then you are a piece of shit.

I'm sorry, but there is no chance of Tom being broad-minded enough to let Suri find her own way in the world once she's old enough. She will be groomed as the poster child for Scientology and that is flat evil. So Ben Stiller...you can shove it up your ass.

(source)

Fox News Host John Gibson Makes Light Of Ledger's Death

Wednesday, January 23, 2008


The gates of Hell have yawned open for one evil FOX News host.

All right, so "evil FOX News host" is redundant...

The man I'm talking about is John Gibson. Yesterday on his radio show, Gibson, in an apparent attempt at seeming hip, took it upon himself to make light of the death of Heath Ledger. Gibson played a clip of Ledger's line from Brokeback Mountain, "I wish I knew how to quit you," then quipped, "Well, he found out how to quit you."

Hilarious.

Gibson then went on a tirade against Ledger, calling him a "weirdo," and ripping the 28-year-old actor for his apparent death obsession (I guess Gibson has never experienced a black thought in his entire life - sure he hasn't). Gibson then played another clip from Brokeback, when Ledger's character Ennis says "We're dead" while talking to Jack Twist (Jake Gyllenhaal) about the possible dire consequences of continuing their relationship. Gibson follows Ledger's "We're dead" with his own mocking "We're dead," then goes on to (snidely) insist that Ledger's death was in fact a tragedy.

You can hear the whole thing here.

Gibson also thought it would be brilliant to keep dropping Ledger death references into his broadcast. One allegedly humorous bit:

Gibson: Apparently Heath Ledger was suicidal and his friends saw it coming. I think he watched the Clinton-Obama debate last night. I think he was an Edwards guy, cause he saw his Edwards guy was just completely irrelevant.

John Gibson, meet your new boyfriend for all eternity - Bubba the Flame-Dicked Ass-Rapist. It burns John...it buuuuuuuuurns.

(source)

Update: Possible Illegal Drugs In Ledger Death Apartment


WCBS in New York is reporting that possible evidence of illegal drugs was found in the apartment where Heath Ledger died. Sources say police found a $20 bill with drug residue on it and packets containing an "unknown substance." Additionally, the police discovered bottles of Valium and Zoloft to go with the Ambien Ledger was known to be taking for his insomnia.

We will not know for sure what was in Ledger's system until the toxicology reports come back. However, if he was mixing all those drugs...well, it might not have been a deliberate suicide, but he was flirting with death nevertheless.

(source)

Update: Law enforcement now says the rolled $20 bill found in Ledger's apartment did not contain drug residue.

(source)

John Mayer Digs Hannah Montana


Let's not jump to conclusions about this picture of John Mayer with Miley Cyrus. Mayer may have gone to see a Hannah Montana show, and gotten his picture taken with its star Cyrus, but that doesn't mean he's looking to jump the little teeny-bopper. It means he's trying to gain credibility with other little teeny-boppers he does want to have sex with. It's all perfectly...

sick and ghoulish.

Kathleen Turner: Old, Fat And Really Mean


There's nothing Crabbie loves more than one celeb dishing the dirt on other celebs. Oh the exquisite joy of betrayed confidences! Thankfully, there are plenty of stroppy old cows out there who are eager to make a buck by cramming their autobiographies full of such nasty tales. Like Kathleen Turner, whose new book about her life is laced with plenty of dirt on her various co-stars.

An excerpt from Kathleen's book, Send Yourself Roses, is featured in the Daily Mail. In this bit, Kathleen discusses her experience with William Hurt, her co-star in the controversial Body Heat:

Working with Bill Hurt was - shall we say - enlightening. In those days, he was pretty wild. He drank a great deal and took a lot of recreational drugs - he loved those magic mushrooms. He loved women, too; I don't know how many he went through during filming.

Bill always wanted to stay in character and be called 'Ned', even off-stage. He'd get a little teed off when I was chatting with the cameraman up to the moment we were ready to act.

My way of letting off tension is to have a laugh and then get to work - but Bill thought I wasn't taking my acting seriously enough. He'd glare at me and say he just couldn't understand how I could switch so instantly into character.


Apparently, Kathleen is not a great proponent of Method acting.

Here Turner discusses working with noted wack-job Ken Russell and the late Anthony Perkins on Crimes of Passion:

Ken was drinking a great deal at the time, and as the days went on, things got increasingly out of hand. Anthony, who had an appalling drug habit, was taking illegal substances in front of all of the crew. You could see his heart beating a mile a minute.

Everywhere he went, he carried a little bottle that I was told was benzyl nitrate. We'd rehearse a scene, then before the call to "Roll camera," he'd take out his bottle and sniff it with each nostril.

His face would go red and he'd break into a sweat - and suddenly I'd have no idea whether he was in control of himself or not. It was scary. I was quite worried about getting hurt.

Before one scene, where my character had to go from abject misery to laughter in a matter of seconds, Anthony said to me "You won't be able to do that without some of this," and tried to hand me his drugs.

I said: "Oh yeah? Watch me, asshole." But actually, working with Ken and Anthony was nearly impossible.


A running theme here seems to be Turner's natural acting ability versus the dubious techniques of her co-stars.

Turner also discusses Nicolas Cage, with whom she starred in the marvelous Peggy Sue Got Married:

Now, Nicolas happens to be the nephew of Francis Ford Coppola, who was directing the film. And my contrary co-star was absolutely determined to prove that he wasn't there as the result of nepotism.

So, everything Francis wanted him to do, he went against - to show that he wasn't under his uncle's wing. Which was ridiculous. Oh, that stupid voice of his and the fake teeth! Honestly, I cringe to think about it.

He caused so many problems. He was arrested twice for drunk-driving and, I think, once for stealing a dog. He'd come across a chihuahua he liked and stuck it in his jacket.

On the last night of filming, he came into my trailer after he'd clearly been drinking heavily. He fell on his knees and asked if I could ever forgive him. I said, "Not right now. I have a scene to shoot. Excuse me," and just walked out.

Nicolas didn't manage to kill the film, but he didn't add a lot to it, either. For years, whenever I saw him, he'd apologise for his behaviour. I'd say: "Look, I'm way over it." But I haven't pursued the idea of working with him again.


How can Kathleen say that? Cage is hilarious in that movie. She knows nothing.

Kathleen also brings the hammer down on Raquel Welch, who once auditioned to replace her in a production of Cat on a Hot Tin Roof:

One afternoon, my male co-star came into my dressing room and said: "You gotta come. You gotta see this, Kathleen." We crept in through the back door of the theatre and watched as Raquel Welch did an audition.

"Well, I just don't think that Kathleen has ever been feline enough," we heard her say. She was going around the stage with her hands like claws, hissing and making cat gestures. Oddly enough, the producers decided not to use her.


Ah, but Kathleen reserves some of her most potent venom for Burt Reynolds, with whom she co-starred in the disastrous His Girl Friday remake Switching Channels:

My unhappiest experience as an actress? Well, that would have to be a film called Switching Channels, which came out in 1987.

It had all started well enough. I'd had two rehearsals in New York with the wonderful Michael Caine, who'd signed to play my husband. But Michael had to leave to finish the latest Jaws film - Jaws IV, V, VI, whatever - and the shark machinery kept breaking down.

He didn't have a stop date for when he'd be free and I had my own stop date, for a very important reason: I was pregnant. When it was plain that Michael couldn't join us before I grew too big, the producer hired Burt Reynolds.

For whatever reason, the first thing Burt said to me was: "I've never taken second billing to a woman."

I excused myself, ran to my hotel room and called my husband, breaking into tears. Jay said: "Dry your eyes, be cool, go back, just do the film."

I did go back. But, oh, every day there were nasty little digs. For instance, because of my pregnancy, the production team had given me a golf cart so I didn't have to walk around too much - and Burt even made fun of that. He was just nasty!

One day, we started shooting a scene that Michael Caine and I had rehearsed, where we finish each other's sentences like old married couples do. Making that dialogue work needed real skill. It had to be fast; it had to be sharp. But Burt just couldn't do it.

The director finally said: "Look, why don't we just shoot line by line?" And, idiot that I am, I shot back: "Because it's called a scene, that's why."

From that day on, Burt and I were sworn enemies. He later accused me of trying to get him sacked every day and publicly declared that the sound of my name made him want to vomit.

I won't be rushing to work with him again, either.


Oh Kathleen - all the plastic surgery in the world can't make you a happy woman, can it?

(source)

Initial Ledger Autopsy Inconclusive


Heath Ledger was autopsied this morning, but the medical examiner says the results were inconclusive. We should know more once the toxicology results come back in about two weeks. Everything points to the death being an accident.

There have been many accounts of Ledger's grim state-of-mind in recent months, including stories of the difficult time he had while playing the Joker in the new Dark Knight movie (portraying that twisted psycho shit allegedly exacerbated his insomnia). But he wasn't always depressed. The superintendent of the building he was found in said this of an encounter with Ledger a few months ago:

He was pushing his daughter in the carriage. He was in a good mood. I usually see him around when he is in New York, but he travels a lot. When he goes out, he [is] like [a] normal person.

Several details of the death have been clarified. One, there were not bottles scattered all over the room as initially reported. The superintendent, Tamba Mossa, says the apartment was clean when he saw it afterward - there was no sign that Ledger had suffered some protracted period of sickness or that he had been partying or behaving in a crazy fashion. Also, the whole weird Olsen Twins connection has been cleared up. Apparently, the masseuse who found Ledger (along with the housekeeper) is pals with one of the Olsens' bodyguards. Knowing this bodyguard was an EMT and that he was nearby, the masseuse called him right after calling the police. The bodyguard arrived after the police were already there however. Somehow, this got changed into "it was Mary-Kate Olsen's apartment" and even, for a few minutes at the chaotic beginning, "Mary-Kate was with Heath when he died."

Jerry O'Connell's Tom Goof



It's okay, but I like the Ferguson one better.

Craig Ferguson's Take On Tom

Tuesday, January 22, 2008




Ledger Had Pneumonia


TMZ reports that Heath Ledger was sick with pneumonia at the time of his death. A police report says two bottles of sleeping pills were found on the stand next to his bed. Sleeping pills can cause flu sufferers to develop pneumonia by inhibiting the gag reflex and allowing bacteria to drip more easily into the lungs.

(source)

No Comment




Ledger's Bleak Last Months


Heath Ledger was not a happy man during the last months of his life.

"[Heath] had a stint in rehab late last year when he was treated for heroin," a source told the Daily Mail.

"Heath was shattered by his split from [wife] Michelle [Williams]. He became a recluse. He barely slept he was dealing with terrible mood swings."

"Heath totally wanted to be on his own these past few months since he and Michelle split in September," said another source. "She was very much in love with him, but the fact he continued to dabble in drugs kept their relationship from being one she could rely on.

"He adored his daughter Matilda, and when Michelle called it quits, he missed Matilda so much that he was thrown into a deep dark depression.

"Heath was living in New York to be close to his daughter. But he hardly ever ventured out anymore.

"His close friend and Brokeback Mountain co-star, Jake Gyllenhaal has been worried about him for months. And he knew Heath was sinking further into a depression. Jake is Matilda's godfather, and he and Heath had become really close since they did the film Brokeback together.

"Jake wanted Heath to get help, but he refused, and now it looks as though he may have died of a drug overdose.

"Michelle will be devastated by the news, because she always hoped he would get help and they could manage to work out their relationship for the sake of their daughter."

A source describes Ledger's disheveled appearance at a party last September:

"It looked as if he was if he was trying to make some kind of point. He drifted around the party not talking to anyone for half an hour and then just walked off into the night like a lost soul. It was most odd.

"He and Richard Gere were both special guests at the party. But Heath was just like a ghost. It was obvious something awful had happened to him."

(source)

The Ghoulish Scene Outside Ledger Death Building


From The Huffington Post:

TMZ set up a camera streaming live video and audio outside 421 Broome Street in New York, where Heath Ledger was found dead earlier today. As reporters and crew members were waiting for Ledger's body to be removed from the apartment (which eventually happened at 6:30 pm local time), they could be overheard discussing subjects including past coverage of Ledger and the potential price of on-scene footage.

"Heath was fun to cover," one cameraman was overheard saying. "Remember when he'd leave parties every 5 minutes? You know he was going on drug runs."

Later, a reporter was heard asking, "How much money can we get for this?" Another reporter on the scene answered, "The best shot is what's going to sell." (Note: The best shot appears to be captured by INF and can be seen at Usmagazine.com)

As the body came out, screams of "Body! Body! Body!" could be heard as onlookers scrambled to get a good look (one woman screaming loudly, and repeatedly, "Don't fucking push me!"). Soon after, a reporter was heard asking his cameraman, "Was it good? What did it look like?" to which the cameraman responded, "It was wrapped in black. A black bag." The scene diffused relatively shortly after that, with screams of "The ME [Medical Examiner] left. The ME is gone," and then, "Everybody's going."

While Los Angeles paparazzi may be used to such a spectacle, people were heard on the scene saying, "It's not everyday this happens. Not in New York."

(source)

"We Saw It Coming..."


"This is terrible and I'm in shock," a close friend of Heath Ledger's has told Usmagazine.com. "But to tell you the truth... we saw it coming."

"Heath has gone though a rough road of trying to get sober."

"Things were very dark. His one joy was [his daughter] Matilda."

"Everything else was misery for him. Unfortunately he was too late in getting help."

(source)

Update: Heath Ledger Dead


Heath Ledger was found dead in his SoHo residence this afternoon at 3:35 ET. The police say it was not a crime.

(source)

Update: MSNBC reports that a police source says Ledger was found dead "surrounded by pills."

Update: Perez Hilton's sources are telling him one of the Olsen Twins may have been with Ledger at the time of his death.

(source)

Update: Clarification on the Olsen connection. According to the New York Times, the apartment Ledger was found in belongs to Mary-Kate Olsen. Mary-Kate is not believed to currently be in New York (so Perez is full of it). It is not clear why Ledger was in that particular apartment.

The full account from the Times:

At 3:31 p.m., a masseuse arrived at Apartment 5A in the building, at 421 Broome Street in SoHo, for an appointment with Mr. Ledger, the police said. The masseuse was let in to the home by a housekeeper, who then knocked on the door of Mr. Ledger’s bedroom. When no one answered, the housekeeper and the masseuse opened the bedroom and found Mr. Ledger naked and unconscious on a bed, with pills scattered around his body. They shook him, but he did not respond. They immediately called the authorities.

Paramedics administered CPR but were unable to revive Ledger. He was pronounced dead at the scene.

(source)

Update: A reunclarification of the Olsen Twins connection. TMZ is now saying it wasn't Mary-Kate's apartment. This will all eventually get sorted out and probably have nothing to do with either Olsen twin or Susan Olsen or any other person with the last name of Olsen.

(source)

Update: Amy Winehouse Is Not In Rehab


You know what I'm sick of? All these celeb druggie assholes thinking if they get caught they can just check into rehab for a couple of days and that somehow makes it all right. Please. Amy Winehouse has no intention of getting straightened out. It's all PR.

And now she's gone back to the old beehive too. Sure. Cause that's where the drugs are hidden.

(source)

Update: Scratch the whole rehab thing. From Winehouse's rep:

Amy is not in rehab. She was seeing a doctor who she regularly sees as part of her ongoing treatment. It was a regular appointment which she attends all the time. She has not checked in overnight.

So she's receiving on-going treatment from this doctor? I think she needs a new doctor. A witch doctor.

(source)

More Scientology Wackiness

video

Here's an old Scientology recruitment video someone filmed playing on their TV. Bad quality but one gets the gist.

“If you leave this room after seeing this film," says the narrator, "and walk out and never mention Scientology again, you are perfectly free to do so.

“It would be stupid, but you can do it. You can also dive off a bridge or blow your brains out - that is your choice.

“But, if you ... continue with Scientology, we will be very happy with you – and you will be very happy with you.”

That's their pitch. "It would be stupid, but you can do it." And they want to be taken seriously?

Speaking of people you can't take seriously...Anne Archer and Kirstie Alley are in this video. Both claim they would be dead if not for Scientology.

Damn you Scientology!

And, most horrifying of all? The bug-eyed black guy from Ice Pirates is a Scientologist.

I'll never believe in anything again.

Denise Richards's Kids Creep Me Out


I know it makes me evil but I don't care - I get the creeps every time I see wild-eyed Denise Richards and her little Village of the Damned spawn. The one on the right especially. She could stare down Satan.

Oscar Nominations


The nominations have been announced for this year's Oscars. There were a few surprises - like Angelina Jolie not being picked for A Mighty Heart. Unsurprising, to me, was the lack of a nomination for either Keira Knightley or James McAvoy for Atonement. Saw that movie, liked it, liked them in it, but didn't feel like either one of them had enough screentime or impact to deserve a lead actor nod. Sucks to be them I guess. Here are the major nominees:

Best Picture

Atonement
Juno
Michael Clayton
No Country for Old Men
There Will Be Blood


Best Director

Julian Schnabel -- The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
Jason Reitman -- Juno
Tony Gilroy -- Michael Clayton
Joel and Ethan Coen -- No Country for Old Men
Paul Thomas Anderson -- There Will Be Blood

Best Leading Actor

George Clooney -- Michael Clayton
Daniel Day-Lewis -- There Will Be Blood
Johnny Depp -- Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
Tommy Lee Jones - In the Valley of Elah
Viggo Mortensen -- Eastern Promises

Best Leading Actress

Cate Blanchett -- Elizabeth: The Golden Age
Julie Christie -- Away from Her
Marion Cotillard -- La vie en rose
Laura Linney -- The Savages
Ellen Page -- Juno

Best Adapted Screenplay

Christopher Hampton -- Atonement
Sarah Polley -- Away From Her
Ronald Harwood -- The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
Joel and Ethan Coen -- No Country For Old Men
Paul Thomas Anderson -- There Will Be Blood

Best Original Screenplay

Diablo Cody -- Juno
Nancy Oliver -- Lars and the Real Girl
Tony Gilroy -- Michael Clayton
Brad Bird, Jim Capobianco, Jan Pinkava -- Ratatouille
Tamara Jenkins -- The Savages

Best Supporting Actor

Casey Affleck -- The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
Javier Bardem -- No Country for Old Men
Phillip Seymour Hoffman -- Charlie Wilson's War
Hal Holbrook -- Into the Wild
Tom Wilkinson -- Michael Clayton

Best Supporting Actress

Cate Blanchett -- I'm Not There
Ruby Dee -- American Gangster
Saoirse Ronan -- Atonement
Amy Ryan -- Gone Baby Gone
Tilda Swinton -- Michael Clayton

Best Animated Feature

Persepolis
Ratatouille
Surf's Up


Not a lot of gimmies in there, I don't think. Bardem for Supporting Actor is probably the surest (though a lot of people like Casey Affleck for Long-Titled Jesse James Movie). I think Blanchett will win Supporting Actress but I'd prefer it go to the Ronan kid from Atonement (not Amy Ryan or Ruby Dee - give me a break). It's a toss-up between Marion Cotillard and Julie Christie for Best Actress. Actor is probably between Daniel Day-Lewis and George Clooney, but it's nice to see Viggo in there. And Best Picture? That sucker's so up in the air, I wouldn't even venture a guess. If it's Juno...well, whatever.

Hillary v. Obama



Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama mixed it up some in last night's debate. If this were grade school I'd say they secretly liked each other, but it ain't, and I don't think they do.

Ellen Page's Parents Love Her


Juno star Ellen Page was offered a part in a sitcom at the tender age of 13, a job that would've required her to move to L.A. Her parents decided, however, that Ellen was too young to handle all that and told her no.

"It's a good thing," Page now says of her parents' decision. "I would have had to move to L.A. and I can't even imagine what I would be like now. [My parents] said keep up your grades and then you can act."

The 20-year-old Page has now been nominated for an Oscar for Best Actress for her performance in Juno.

21-year-old Lindsay Lohan, who did move to L.A. with her parents' blessing during her teen years, was also nominated for something yesterday - a Razzie for Worst Actress.

I think that pretty much says it all.

(source)

Scarlett Johansson Does Her Bit For The Troops


Soldiers salute Scarlett Johansson during her visit to the Gulf Region. You can't see the salutes here, but trust me, they're there.

Simon Cowell Thinks Britney Is Full Of It


Count Simon Cowell among the astute celebrity watchers who are no longer buying Britney Spears's crazy act.

"Everyone thinks it's breakdown this and breakdown that," Simon told PageSix.com "From the kind of stunts she's pulling now, I think she is the puppet master and completely in control.

"I really felt for her at one point, I thought she was heading for a meltdown and everything was out of control, but, especially over the past week, I thought she was honestly in control and, more to the point, wants to be in control.

"If you don't want to get any press attention, just keep your head down, don't drive yourself anywhere and sit in the back of a blacked-out limousine. But if she thinks she knows what she is doing, then good luck to her."

I went back and forth on whether Britney was fucking with us or was honestly that nuts for awhile, but now I think it's mostly an act. Maybe 90% phony and 10% honest insanity. Clearly, Britney gets off on messing with people's heads, as Adnan Ghalib found out first-hand. Of course, when you play with fire, you get burned now and then. She clearly went too far the night she got hauled off to the hospital. That's when I think she slips over the line into something real and scary. But most of the time, it's all a childish game.

(source)

Jared Leto Sucks Face With Paris



What is Jared Leto thinking as he makes out with Paris Hilton?

A. "You taste like an ashtray shoved up an asshole."
B. "I'm so into you. Not as much as I'm into me, but still..."
C. "I wonder whatever happened to that Angela kid who had the crush on me in high school?"
D. "Why are my lips suddenly burning?"
E. "So this is what it's like to kiss a chick."

Suck It, Angelina


The Oscar nominations were just announced. Guess who didn't get nominated for Best Actress?

Can we read anything into this snub? Cause the Oscars are about popularity within the biz as much as anything else. People have been nominated before just for being liked, and have been snubbed just because no one can stand them.

There's only one thing I know for sure...I wouldn't want to be Brad Pitt for the next couple days.

Amy Winehouse On Video Smoking Crack

Monday, January 21, 2008


U.K. tabloid The Sun has gotten hold of a video that shows fudged-up singer Amy Winehouse in her squalid East London home smoking crack. The video was apparently made during a house party Amy threw on the eve of husband Blake Fielder-Civil's most recent hearing, which Amy herself attended, looking like this:


Amy reportedly did Ecstasy, snorted "highly-concentrated" cocaine and took several Valium as well as smoked the crack. She also apparently lost her cat, and spent much of her time prowling around the apartment in search of the animal.

"If I was that cat," Amy mumbles on the video, "I’d leave on my own accord — I’d call a cab. It ain’t right. This ain’t Toys R Us. They took my cat."

At another point, Amy insists she can't party too hard because she has to see Blake in court in the morning. I don't even care to speculate about what "partying too hard" would be for Amy if all that other shit is taking it easy.

(source)

John Travolta's Meek Defense Of Cruise


John Travolta has come to the defense of fellow Scientology heavyweight Tom Cruise, who has been getting lambasted ever since the release of his crazy ranting videos.

"[Tom] has – we all have – the right to practice how we feel," Travolta told People Magazine. "It finally becomes unfair."

They made fun of Tom Cruise - it's not fair. They're a bunch of poopyfaces. Well, sticks and stones may break my bones...

Seriously John - that's the best you can do? Dang man, don't kill yourself sticking up for the guy.

(source)

Razzie Nominations Announced


The nominees for this year's Razzies have been announced. Madonna didn't have a movie out, so that left sort of a bad movie void...thankfully Lindsay Lohan was there to fill it. Her goofy thriller I Know Who Killed Me got 9 nominations, including two for Lindsay for Worst Actress (she played a split personality chick so they nominated her twice - aren't they clever?). Eddie Murphy's Norbit was also nominated numerous times as was I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry, a movie I didn't bother seeing because I knew right away it was nothing but a bunch of stale old gay jokes and who the hell needs to sit through a thing like that?

The major nominees:

Worst Picture

Bratz
Daddy Day Camp
I Know Who Killed Me
I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry
Norbit

Worst Actor

Nicholas Cage -- Ghost Rider, National Treasure: Book of Secrets, and Next
Jim Carrey -- The Number 23
Cuba Gooding, Jr. -- Daddy Day Camp and Norbit
Eddie Murphy (as Norbit) -- Norbit
Adam Sandler -- I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry

Worst Actress

Jessica Alba -- Awake, Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, and Good Luck Chuck
Logan Browning, Janel Parrish, Nathalia Ramos, and Skyler Shaye -- Bratz
Elisha Cuthbert -- Captivity
Diane Keaton -- Because I Said So
Lindsay Lohan (as Aubrey) -- I Know Who Killed Me
Lindsay Lohan (as Dakota) -- I Know Who Killed Me

Worst Supporting Actor

Orlando Bloom -- Pirates of the Carob-bean: At Wit's End -- aka Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
Kevin James -- I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry
Eddie Murphy (as Mr. Wong) -- Norbit
Rob Schneider -- I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry
Jon Voight -- Bratz, National Treasure: Book of Secrets, September Dawn, and Transformers

Worst Supporting Actress

Jessica Biel -- I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry and Next
Carmen Electra -- Epic Movie
Eddie Murphy (as Rasputia) -- Norbit
Julia Ormond -- I Know Who Killed Me
Nicolette Sheridan -- Code Name: The Cleaner

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
was way worse than anything. Long, tedious, too much plot, actors who clearly didn't give a shit anymore. I Know Who Killed Me was not nearly as bad...it had an ambition to be something (an homage to Dario Argento and Brian De Palma movies from the '70s basically) but the director just didn't have the chops to pull it off. And Lohan wasn't that horrible in it. She did the best she could with it and was actually rather charming at times. The movie at least wasn't lazy. If you're going to rip stuff, Razzies, rip stuff where the people involved were obviously only in it for the money.

Nicole Kidman's Hair Is Messed Up


Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban at the Australian Open. Okay, time to address Nicole's hair. Chick is clearly going bald. Yes, I know, your hair falls out when you're pregnant. But Nicole's had that particular style going for awhile now, and it always looked a bit weird. From this pic, it almost seems she's trying to do some kind of comb-back to cover a bald spot on top. Which is not working because the hair is receding up the side too. Chick's stuff is more fucked-up than Donald Trump's - and that's way fucked-up people.

Sarah Jessica Parker And Matthew Broderick At Sundance


Sundance is on for another year. Stars in knit caps! Paris Hilton showing up for no particular reason! Random shots of people we forgot were still in the movie biz!

Matthew Broderick in a sweater! Sarah Jessica Parker in a Halloween witch mask!

Oh, that's her real face. Sorry.

J-Lo Had A Baby Shower


Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony going in for her baby shower. Dudes at baby showers again. Yet another blow against American manhood. Seriously, the way hetero men are going, they might just as well all start drinking estrogen shakes. "Hey honey I'm growing tits. Soon I'll be a girl toooooooooo."

Why is Marc wearing a flak jacket? Oh, he's so gangsta. Please.

Jake And Reese Still Together


Jake and Reese are supposed to be a hot Hollywood couple. So how come I yawn every time I see them?

Run Matthew, Run


Matthew McConaughey doesn't look the least bit gay when he runs.

"Oh, these pebbles are hurting my feet. Gol darnit anyways."

Britney Has Never Heard Of Adnan Ghalib



The Britney Spears crazy train rolls on. Now she's telling people, in her charming British accent, that she's never met Adnan Ghalib, the pap she was fucking for a brief time. Various reports have had Britney taking a restraining order out against Ghalib - an odd thing to do to someone you've never heard of, no?

Okay, it's time for everyone to get a clue and realize that Britney is fucking with us. All these stories about Britney having multiple personality disorder - give me a freaking break. And the idiotic, breathless reporting every time she does something. "Oh my God, Britney was looking at pregnancy tests. You don't think she could be pregnant do you?" And this isn't even just the blogs and the tabs, it's the mainstream idiots. Don't they know when they're being played? Think it about it people - you're being outwitted by a woman who can barely handle her own daily upkeep. It's one thing for a twit like Ghalib to be taken for a ride - it's quite another for supposed legitimate media outlets to not be able to distinguish between real stories and the bullshit being deliberately perpetrated by a moron.

The MSM can't see Britney's mischief for what it is. Should we be surprised that they were hoodwinked by George Bush before the Iraq invasion too?

James Haven: Brad And Angie Are Ready To Adopt Again


Angelina Jolie's creepy, no-job-having brother James Haven says Angie and her kept-man Brad Pitt are ready to adopt another kid.

"They are creating one big family and will keep adopting as long as they are able to," James Haven said. "Angie and Brad talk about how much they've been taught by their kids. In many respects, Angie saved Zahara's life and there are so many more children whose lives she could save and she talks about that constantly."

God, how insufferable must that be - some bitch blabbering endlessly about
saving the children. Even Albert Schweitzer would've wanted to punch her in the mouth.

According to James, Brad and Angie will be heading to Africa over Easter to shop for a female baby. Yes, must keep the balance - another black girl to go with Zahara. Angie's looking over skin chits even as we speak. And Brad? In the corner sneaking pills.

(source)

Mad Money Tanks

Sunday, January 20, 2008


Mad Money is now officially one of the more ironically-titled movies ever... cause it didn't exactly make mad money this weekend at the box-office. In fact it got destroyed, coming in seventh with a pitiful $7.7 million. It even got beat by Juno which has been out for 7 weeks. The number 1 movie was Cloverfield with $41 million. People would rather watch a monster destroy New York than Katie Holmes, Diane Keaton and Queen Latifah rob a bank. Can you blame them?

The hilarious thing is that, in people's eyes, Mad Money's failure is really all about Tom Cruise - that's how connected Katie is to Cruise. Rightly or wrongly, we perceive Cruise as being in control of Katie's career, so for her to take a part like this and have the movie flop...it's Tom's bad managing that will be blamed, not Katie's inherent blandness as an actress, nor the apparent ill-conceived nature of the whole venture (it looked like a silly girl-power knock-off of The Lavender Hill Mob to me). Tom would do well to encourage his bride in a direction away from movies entirely, lest he suffer a string of ever-more-horrific embarrassments. Trust me, no one would miss her.

Might As Well Call It Now


Hillary Clinton won Nevada yesterday (though there's some dispute over whether she or Barack Obama actually got more delegates - it's too complicated for me to worry about), while John McCain carried South Carolina in a tight race over Mike Huckabee. I don't know about you, but to me, the races feel like they're already over - it will be Clinton v. McCain in the general election. The only thing left is for them to pick running-mates. I've gotta believe Hill will go with Bill Richardson while McCain will take Lindsey Graham. McCain really ought to throw Fred Thompson a bone in the process - since Fred won him South Carolina by syphoning votes away from Huckabee. Maybe President McCain could appoint Thompson Secretary of Jowls or perhaps Ambassador to Whatever Dreamland Fred Thompson Lives in That Made Him Think He Could Be President. It is going to be a vicious race between Hillary and McCain at any rate. Look at that picture and tell me they don't hate each other's guts.


Lindsay Lohan Shows Some Buttcheek



Lindsay ditched the wig. She went out shopping and must've been having static-cling problems cause her dress...

Yeah, Britney's been on the front pages a lot lately - Lindsay, not so much. Sadly, a little butt-flash is not enough to turn that situation around. If Lindsay wants to grab those headlines, she's gonna need to do something a lot more drastic. Like murder someone.

Charlize Theron Is Smoking Weed Again


Charlize Theron
is not American, which means she should not be a geographically-challenged moron. Nevertheless, Charlize does appear to have trouble keeping her cities straight. The actress was speaking recently about her world travels, and mentioned a trip she and boyfriend Stuart Townsend took to Turkey. Charlize said:

We went to Turkey. When we got over there, we rented a car and we drove all the way to Budapest. By the time we got to Budapest it was like the Cannes Film Festival, I'd never seen anything like it.

Of course it's possible to drive from Turkey to Hungary - unfortunately, the film festival Charlize was talking about was the Istanbul Film Festival, plus Budapest is an inland city and therefore looks nothing like Cannes. Istanbul is on the Bosphorus Strait however and, going by the pictures, could be said to resemble Cannes. And of course, as some of us know (maybe Charlize too), Istanbul used to be Constantinople. But Constantinople got the works, which is nobody's business but the Turks.

Yes, I know...Charlize knew good and well she was in Istanbul and girl just misspoke herself. It happens...when you're stoned. And dim to begin with.

(source)

Wagner Sticks Up For Tom


Tom Cruise friend and United Artists partner Paula Wagner is speaking out against accusations that Cruise is a flaming religious nutbag. Wagner said in a statement:

I have known and worked with Tom for more than 25 years. He's a rock-solid dependable partner, and I have the utmost respect and admiration for his talent, integrity, kindness, and dedication. Andrew Morton's book is a disgraceful piece of gossip-mongering, filled with distortions and outright lies that no sensible person will take seriously. I am not a Scientologist, nor are most of the people Tom and I work with, but that doesn't mean I can sit by silently while he is attacked for his religious beliefs. As a filmmaker and an American, I feel strongly that an individual's religion should have no bearing on their professional life. I have always believed that Americans celebrated these differences, and to see the vitriol that has been directed towards my friend is truly discouraging. It's easy to mock an out-of-context video, but that doesn't change the fact that Tom Cruise is one of the hardest-working and nicest human beings I have ever known.

"I have always believed that Americans celebrated these differences." What country have you been living in hon? People don't celebrate differences - they tolerate them. That's why it's called "tolerance."

And people are not attacking Tom Cruise for his religious beliefs - no one gives a god damn whether Tom is a Baptist or a Taoist or a Rosicrucian or whatever the fuck. It's his wild-eyed fanatical self-righteousness that people are attacking.

If Tom said, "Scientology is what I believe in. It may not be for everyone, but it works for me. I respect people's right to disagree with me as I hope they respect my right to disagree with them," then everything would be fine. But that's not what he's saying in those videos. Instead he's saying, "We Scientologists think we have all the answers, and if we had our way, everyone else would think the same way too." He's not celebrating differences in those videos or even tolerating them - he's claiming a superior moral position on the basis of his faith, which makes him as bad as any narrow-minded nut of any religion, and therefore worthy of attack by those who believe the enemy is not religion per se or any single faith but rather the mindset of the zealot.

Face it Paula - your buddy Tom fucked himself by letting people see what a wack-job he truly is. And he fucked you too because now any movies he makes for UA are going to be flops. No amount of damage-control is going to change the reality that a lot of people have been put off Tom Cruise forever because of this. He's finished, and you would do well to distance yourself from him. Rats abandoning the sinking ship and all that.

(source)

Papa Joe Wants Pete Out Of The Picture

Saturday, January 19, 2008


Sick freak Joe Simpson is telling his daughter Ashlee to dump her boyfriend Pete Wentz - not because he thinks girly-man Pete is bad for her, but because he wants Ashlee single so he can pitch a reality show in which men would compete for her hand.

And who would be the contestants on this show anyway? 13 dopey guys between the ages of 21-35...and one older fellow in a wig and moustache who calls himself "Moe Grimpson." And guess who would win? I think we all know.

(source)

A Pair O' Stinkbombs


The Crabster got rooked twice on cruddy DVD rentals in the past week. First off, Death Sentence. This total piece of shit stars Kevin Bacon as a well-to-do white man who goes postal on some tattooed urban toughs after they murder his hockey-playing golden-boy son in a gas station as part of some initiation ritual. It's like Death Wish only not as classy. The director, James Wan of Saw fame, has perfected the art of creating ugly, stupid movies devoid of suspense or any redeeming social value. The only time Wan rises to the level of even a decent hack is during a well-staged sequence in a parking garage that ends with Bacon strapping his victim into a car and watching it plunge several stories to a crashing, glass-strewing end on the pavement below. But even this sequence demonstrates exactly what's wrong with the movie: For all its technical panache, the scene is so humorless and bereft of joy that one is simply depressed by it. Wan is capable of thinking clearly only about violence - he fumbles everything else, including the storytelling, the family dynamic, his idiotic faux-theme about the costs of revenge. Bacon, it's safe to say, gives the worst performance of his career as this wiry, skullfaced, vaguely prissy agent of revenge. But Bacon is not the worst actor in the film - that distinction belongs to John Goodman, who goes for one of those crazy Maury Chaykin-type hambone supporting performances and only succeeds at grinding your nerves down to the point where you want to whip out your own .357 and blow away your TV. The Taxi Driver rip-off finale sets a new low for half-assed homage. Avoid this dour, brainless heap of manure at all costs.



Yes, I actually rented a movie called "Dragon Wars." That title should've been a hint, no? Well, I got suckered. Dragon Wars is not, as some of the advertising seemed to suggest, the successor to The Host as a crossover Korean monster movie. The Host is a fantastic, hilarious, thrilling film - Dragon Wars is a Sci-Fi Channel movie.

Okay, that's slightly unfair - Dragon Wars at least has really good CGI (and, unlike Sci-Fi Channel movies, it does not involve Mansquitoes or Chupacabras). Actually, there's a scene in Dragon Wars that's worthy of the best Hollywood has to offer along the lines of digitally-rendered mayhem. Have you seen Transformers? Okay, think of that big fight scene at the end in L.A., then replace the giant robots with dragons, and replace Megan Fox with a blonde who is, unbelievably, an even worse actress. That's the good part of Dragon Wars. Unfortunately, the producers seem to have blown all their money on the CGI, leaving none to hire decent actors or writers. Robert Forster was all they could get. Hint number 2 that a movie might not be worth renting: Robert Forster is the biggest name in the cast.

The sad thing about Dragon Wars is that there's probably some dope out there who's never seen a Korean movie, and they'll rent this and think, "God, those Koreans suck at making movies." The Koreans do not, however, suck at making movies. They make awesome movies, sometimes. Dragon Wars, unfortunately, is too overt an attempt at breaking into the American market. They hired American actors and made it in English - a recipe for all sorts of amusing cultural tone-deafness. My favorite dumb-ass moment: The Secretary of Defense waltzing into an LAPD meeting room, and some asshole introducing him by saying, "The Secretary of Defense." Oh, and the depiction of the inner-workings of an American television newsroom. Apparently, when a TV reporter goes off to cover a story, they only go with their cameraman...in an SUV. TV networks don't have news editors, and they don't send out vans loaded with equipment, and reporters don't travel with tons of producers and interns and sound and make-up and hair people. Sadly, this nonsense is all taken seriously. If it had been treated with a jot of humor, maybe it could've worked as some kind of campy thing. But no...these idiots thought they were making the greatest dragon war movie of all-time. Actually, they succeeded - because there are no others. So, this one is the greatest by default.

Death Sentence and Dragon Wars both receive 0 Chips Ahoy out of 4. And I will be cleansing my palette by filling the top of my Netflix queue with Bette Davis movies.

Clooney Muscles In On Angie's Turf

Friday, January 18, 2008


George Clooney, like his mortal enemy Angelina Jolie, has been honored by the U.N. for his humanitarian work. The organization has bestowed on Clooney the title of "Messenger for Peace" for his efforts to focus "public attention on crucial international political and social issues."

And did I mention that he's dating a stripper?

Clooney has of course been an outspoken advocate on behalf of Darfur, and has raised lots of money for the troubled region through the Not On Our Watch charity which is also supported by Brad Pitt. When reached for comment, Angelina Jolie turned a deep shade of purple and uttered a shriek high and piercing enough to break windows.

(source)

Gwyneth Had A Tummy Ache


At last, an explanation for why Gwyneth Paltrow was briefly hospitalized earlier in the week - she had a stomach ache.

This from Gwyneth's pal chef Mario Batali, who described her condition as "a little gastrointestinal situation" that has now been "straightened out." You mean to tell me Gwyneth Paltrow has intestines like regular people? I thought she was superior to normal humans and therefore did not possess icky organs and such.

An eyewitness said Paltrow was, "slumped over in a wheelchair pushed by Chris Martin." I would've paid money to see that.

(source)

Juno

I finally broke down and saw Juno. I was prepared to totally hate it and frankly after about the first twenty minutes I had no reason to believe I would have to change my mind. I'm sorry but the kind of quirky this movie peddles is just not my cup of tea. I get irritated by this stuff. "It all started with a chair," the heroine Ellen Page tells us at the beginning. And lo and behold there's a chair setting there on someone's lawn. And pretty soon Ellen's taken the chair along with a whole living room set someone's thrown out and deposited it all on her would-be boyfriend Michael Cera's front lawn and she's sitting there chewing on a pipe. Why is she chewing on a pipe? Because someone thought it would be a cute and quirky thing for her to do.

Kill me now.

Okay, okay...I ended up not hating it. Here are the reasons I think Juno rises above its own preciousness to become a passable bit of low-key comedy: 1) Ellen Page is an engaging actress with a witty-but-self-effacing way of delivering her me-so-talented Diablo Cody dialogue; 2) Michael Cera is hot in a gangly, tousle-haired way; 3) the guy who plays the editor in Spider Man is Juno's dad and he is one hysterical fucker; 4) Jennifer Garner isn't in it much (damn is her face crooked); 5) it stays away from most of that Mean Girls high-school-as-microcosm-of-society bullshit and focuses on Juno's family and her inappropriate relationship with the husband (Jason Bateman, adorably crinkly in his middle-aged arrested adolescent garb) of the chick who wants to adopt her unborn child.

That being said...this movie is going to get nominated for Best Picture and that is a total load of bullshit. It is not Best Picture material. It's an enjoyable, scruffy little movie with performances sincere enough to rescue it from Diablo's clever-girl calculations (and it is calculating; don't let anyone tell you different - that scene where Juno gets dissed by the sonogram chick and Juno's stepmom gets after her is such a phony "you go girl" moment; and don't even get me started on the way Juno is always so self-aware, admitting to her own immaturity and shit...she's 16 and all 16-year-olds think they know everything and any movie that portrays a 16-year-old as possessing this incredible insight and wisdom is jerking all kinds of different chains). This movie is nothing to get jazzed about - it's our yearly helping of low-budget feel-good fluff disguised as a knowing portrayal of "regular people." Oh, and the music that's supposed to be so darling...a bunch of Mo Tucker impersonators mixed with one actual Velvet Underground tune with Mo Tucker singing is not my idea of a smashing soundtrack. How did they not remember to put a Feist song in there? Slackers.

Lohan To Work In Morgue


Lindsay Lohan has been assigned to work in a morgue and then in an emergency room as part of her community service from copping a plea in her DUI case. These grim duties are supposed to scare Lindsay into realizing the folly of driving drunk I guess. Knowing this crazy bitch, she'll just try to fuck a corpse, and pick the pockets of people waiting to have their massive head-wounds treated.

(source)

Winehouse In Court


Amy Winehouse took some pills (really strong ones) and headed to court for husband Blake Fielder-Civil's hearing, which was reportedly almost over by the time Amy got there (we know she wasn't late from working on her hair). Amy apparently stood outside the courtroom peering through a window for a couple minutes before someone realized who she was and let her in. She sat her scrawny butt down next to Blake's mom Georgette Civil who did not immediately leap to her feet and start making the sign of the cross while hissing like an enraged cobra. Amy reportedly mouthed "love you" at Blake who was seated behind a pane of glass with the other defendants. Blake mouthed "Are you OK?" back at Amy, which seems like kind of a dumb question, since Amy is not in fact ever okay. The proceedings soon came to an end, at which time Blake was led back to jail, and Amy was heard to shout "I love you handsome, you gorgeous one," across the courtroom. She must've been seeing that hallucination of an iguana with Tony Curtis's head again.

(source)

Mary-Kate Snuggles With Colin Farrell


Colin Farrell is totally creeped out by Mary-Kate Olsen. Just look at him. He's like, "Somebody get this deranged little science experiment the hell off me before I barf up me Lucky Charms." Damn, that is one hairy Irishman.

AP Admits Preparing Britney Obit


The Associated Press admitted to Us Weekly that it has already prepared an obituary for Britney Spears. AP entertainment editor Jesse Washington said:

We are not wishing it, but if Britney passed away, it’s easily one of the biggest stories in a long time.

I think one would agree that Britney seems at risk right now. Of course, we would never wish any type of misfortune on anybody and hope that we would never have to use it until 50 years from now…but if something were to happen, we would have to be prepared.

That's twice Jesse had to say AP isn't wishing for Britney to die. So that means they are wishing for her to die. I wonder how that obit goes anyway?

Pop-star Britney Spears was found dead last night, the victim of an apparent accident that somehow involved a donkey's penis. The 26 year old is survived by her two sons Sean Preston and Jayden James, whose names she had written on slips of paper taped all over her house, apparently to help her remember them. Spears spent the last few months of her life hopped up on frappucinos and being fucked by an evil Muslim paparazzo named Adnan Ghalib whose whereabouts are - surprise, surprise - not known at the present time.

Okay, it's probably not like that, except in Crabbie's twisted dreams.

(source)

(thanks Danny Smith)

Cult Expert: Tom Cruise Is Batshit

Thursday, January 17, 2008


Radar Online has an interview with a cult expert who says he believes Tom Cruise has been brainwashed.

And shit smells and fire is hot.

The interview is here.

Clay Aiken Is The New Chris Crocker


Clay Aiken
has added his idiotic voice to the chorus of those calling for everyone to leave Britney Spears alone. The American Asshole told Entertainment Tonight:

We have a presidential election going on, and for whatever reason this is what people are interested in. I think that is probably the saddest thing. Leave her alone, just leave her alone.

Oh, there's an election going on. Good thing we have Clay Aiken to help us when our priorities get so out of whack. We'd be so lost without him taking the rudder for us.

What a shit-for-brains this man is. Like we can't follow the election and still be amused by Britney...and make note of each imbecilic comment that comes out of the mouths of former American Idol contestants too? It's called multi-tasking Clay. You know, like when you're taking it in the ass while also jacking yourself off?

(source)

Tarantino Wants Britney And Kardashian


Quentin Tarantino is hot to do a re-make of '60s boob-fetishist fave Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! No biggie there - all Tarantino makes are homages to movies that sucked the first time. Here's the kicker though: Quentin is reportedly dying to cast Britney Spears and Kim Kardashian as two of his campy, big-bazoomed stars.

Oh Quentin, are you some kind of glutton for punishment? Casting Britney Spears in a movie? You really think she's gonna show up on time? Remember her lines? Not pass out every ten minutes?

And Kim Kardashian - yeah, that's what the world needs, someone to validate this useless whore even more. Why not fill out the cast with Lauren Conrad, Kristin Cavallari and Omarosa? Actually, I might be willing to see that movie - as long as it included some excruciating torture scenes. Omarosa stretched on a rack? Cavallari waterboarded? Conrad covered in fire-ants? This has potential.

(source)

Jessica Alba: Behind The Blankness


Gawker site Jezebel was recently sent an email by someone claiming to have been friends with starlet Jessica Alba when she was 16 and attending drama camp. The site believed enough in the credibility of the message to post it...or maybe they just couldn't resist the picture it painted of Alba as a talentless, vapid, miserable little wretch who was pushed into acting by her parents, and never really wanted to be anything but a normal hair-braiding, farting, boy-chasing teenager. Here's the message:

Hi. Can I put in my anonymous two cents about Jessica Alba being a useless bit of painted meat in a dress? I was [friends] with Jessica about 10 years ago at [REDACTED] and I got to know her as well as I could, being myself painfully uncool, awkward and (shocker) dramatic. She was in her Jesus phase (nightly bedtime bible dipping), had braces on her teeth, and was constantly tossing the scripts her manager sent in the trash (amused when I told her she should recycle,) unread. She was extremely beautiful then, in that special way that any confident, care-free teenager is beautiful, but also in the kind of way that made complete strangers stop her on the street and remark, "You are the most beautiful person I've ever seen in real life" -- even when we were just shlumping to the diner for pancakes in our PJs. Jessica was so highly managed that she was completely out of touch with reality, but she was normal at the core, wanting to do my hair (which I shallowly resented at the time) crushing on boys, and giggling at fart jokes when we were doing concentration exercises. The cold reality is that it was clear to everyone (including, I think, to our instructors Bill Macy and Felicity Huffman, David Mamet, Clark Gregg et al., who were all too tactful, professional or entranced by her beauty to ever let on) that she had absolutely no chops as an actress whatsoever. That being said, I don't think it was at all her fault. Jessica's a product. Since she was little, she's been tracked toward being a lovely container for someone else's aspirations. And as any good manager knows, if you're going to fill someone else up with your artificial identity, there can't be any room for her own. I honestly don't think she really wanted to be an actress. Especially not a *serious* actress. She wanted to be 16 and fail history quizzes and pick out prom dresses and learn to be smart the hard way like the rest of us. But she didn't have any say in the matter. Someone decided that she would be beautiful and talented and smart, no matter the cost. I guess I kind of want to stick up for the girl I knew that summer, even though lord knows she doesn't need any favors from me. She wasn't a bitch, she wasn't stuck-up, she ate like a trucker, was goofy and vulnerable, handled the communal bathrooms with aplomb, and was as normal as any 16-year-old girl whose destiny had been planned out by paid professionals could be expected to be. When we parted ways, I watched the Jessica Alba(tm) product develop and I came to realize that she never stood a chance. She'd never make her own decisions, speak her mind or have her own opinions. And she'd always be a target for the derision and disgust that rightfully belongs to the entourage that created her. Lest you think me a "leave Britney alone!" type, I think that snark from strangers is the price of fame. I'm not advocating an end to the snark, just a little background info on the target. So that's my bit. I have no idea how good or bad of an idea it is to make personal comments about celebrities to culture bloggers, but I hope this wasn't a really poor decision. I'm sure you could do your research and post a headline saying "JESS A NO-TALENT HACK CONFIRMED BY _________" but that... well, that would just plain suck.

Poor Alba. Just another sad little girl lost in the big bad world. Good thing she has that ass to wag and get what she wants, otherwise she'd have to work for a living like the rest of us.

(source)

It's Gettin' Serious For Dr. Phil


Dr. Phil is feeling the blowback from his transparent and quite slimy attempt at inserting himself into the Britney Spears story.

First off...stupid bald bitch was trying to get a bunch of celebs to appear on his special 1000th episode (they're only up to 1000?), but the faux-shrink is so radioactive that no one will do it (not even Andy Dick, who by himself could provide Dr. Phil with a whole season's worth of shows).

Second, and more seriously...Dr. Phil is currently being investigated by the California Board of Psychology after a complaint was filed against him alleging he was operating without a license when he barged in on Britney in her hospital room. Phil apparently never got a license to practice in California and hasn't had one in his native Texas since 2006. Furthermore, the complaint alleges Phil broke the law when he discussed Britney's issues with the media (can you technically violate confidentiality laws when someone isn't really your patient and you don't have a license in the first place?).

Thirdly, and perhaps most damaging...Phil is in Oprah's doghouse. According to the Enquirer, Oprah is so mad at Phil over the Britney fiasco that she's thinking of firing him from his own show, which her Harpo company produces. Oh man, Phil is so screwed now. He might as well get himself a monkey and an organ and find a nice street corner to set up on. Nice knowing you Phil.

A Meeting Of The Mindless


Kristin Cavallari rubs up against Paris Hilton. Paris looks more like an old used-up tranny with each passing day. This picture makes me feel ill and devoid of hope.

Tom Carts Out The Kid


Tom Cruise is getting blasted left and right over his Scientology videos. So what's his strategy now? Be seen with the kid, a lot. Of course he still makes Katie lug her - that's her job after all.

Interesting, isn't it, that Tom's hair can be all limp but Katie's has to be perfect.

Scientology Goes After Gawker

Wednesday, January 16, 2008


Gawker is being bullied by Scientology's lawyers for continuing to post Tom Cruise's insane rant video, which has been removed from almost every other venue that presented it. The blogging network was sent the usual request to remove the offending clips, but has thus far refused to comply, and answered Scientology with the following:

We are using this video in the context of news reporting and critical commentary, which are uses that may not be authorized by your client, but which serve the public interest. For this, and other reasons, we believe our use is fair. We further do not accept that we have broken any criminal laws in publishing it, and in any event, several of the statues you cite are inapplicable in this case.

We therefore believe that we are entirely within our rights to publish this video and as such we cannot comply with your removal request.

Good for you Gawker. If Crabbie had posted that video and gotten a letter from Cruise's lawyers, he would've taken the thing down in four seconds flat, and sent a groveling reply back. But not you. You have guts. And lots of money to pay your own lawyers with. And you're not hosted by Blogger who can people's sites at the merest hint of trouble.

(source)

My Pet Goat


Catherine Zeta-Jones attends the National Board of Review Awards with her father-in-law Kirk Douglas.

Oh my God - it's not Kirk. It's Michael.

Lohan's Wig


How old does Lindsay Lohan look in this wig. 30? 35?

Lohan is clearly not serious about her movie career, otherwise she'd have learned to take better care of herself by now.

The window for actresses is so small as it is - most are considered over-the-hill by 40 - and this chick seems to be aging five years for every one. She's gonna be done by 25. Hell, she's probably already done.

Clooney Not In The Brad/Angie Loop


George Clooney and his stripper girlfriend attend the National Board of Review Awards in New York. Someone there asked Clooney about rumors of Angelina Jolie being pregnant. Clooney replied, "I have no idea. I don't think so. I haven't heard anything."

Of course you haven't heard anything George - because Angie hates you and won't let Brad talk to you. You are the last person in the world anyone should ever ask about what's going on inside Brad and Angie's little freaky world.

(source)

Alli Says Britney Isn't Crazy


Alli Sims told US Weekly that Britney Spears isn't crazy. Right. And I suppose Liberace wasn't gay.

Sims also says she doesn't trust Britney's new constant companion Adnan Ghalib:

I do not think Adnan is a good person. I think he only has bad intentions. He has given me a weird feeling and creeped me out. I wish he would just go away.

He is creepy Alli. Almost as creepy as some chick who gloms onto a famous person, claiming to be a relative, and then uses this dubious connection to get her own career off the ground.

Sims also says that Britney is not on drugs:

I do not think that is the issue at all. I was with her for eight months pretty much every day and never witnessed anything like that – and I lived there.

Have you had your eyes checked lately Alli? Or your brain?

(source)

Fabio Wishes He'd Kicked Clooney's Ass


Fabio refuses to let us forget about his little girly altercation with George Clooney in an L.A. restaurant several months back. To refresh your memories: George was apparently a tad inebriated, and thought some people were taking pictures of him when they were really photographing some women who were with Fabio at the next table. George stood up to berate said snappers, raising Fabio's ire in the process. Fabio takes up the narrative:

I apologized and he started being rude so I put him in his place... I went back to my table and as soon as I sit down he paid his bill, got up and he started insulting the girls. He called the women names. At that point I lost my temper. I went after him and he ran out of the restaurant.

Fabio let Clooney go, but now wishes he'd taught George a lesson instead. Fabio:

I could have fucked him up. Oh my god, I could have beaten the shit out of him. I am still so pissed at him.

Fabio gets a little publicity for the first time in years, and you know he's gonna milk that shit for all it's worth. Next he'll probably start a website for hawking t-shirts emblazoned with slogans like, "George Clooney is Fabio's Bitch" or "George Clooney is a Girly-Man." Let it go Fabio. Obviously, you are a pitiful braggart. You would've kicked Clooney's ass except that you were afraid to get your face messed up again like when you were riding that roller coaster and got dive-bombed by the seagull. So after Clooney leaves you're all like, "You're lucky the women were here Clooney or I would've fucked your shit up." Sure Fabio. And next you'll be picking fights down at the local pool hall. Faggot.

(source)

Depp Deflates Dillinger's Dick


Johnny Depp doesn't buy the legend of outlaw John Dillinger's behemothian pecker. The actor, who's set to play Dillinger in a new movie directed by Michael Mann, told Rolling Stone:

There's some very famous photographs of Dillinger on the morgue slab, and there's one particular angle, with the sheet over him, and it's, like, 25 inches, man. The speculation was that he was in the wrong racket. But you read further, and it was a crank on the other side that the sheet had been draped over, making it look like he was packing, you know, Mr. Ed's shotgun.



Damn, that would be quite a schlong if it were real!

Holy shit...the paps were brutal back then. Taking pictures of fucking dead bodies on slabs! What would Rosie say?

I see the light in the tunnel, the same thing all over again. Where are my Ding-Dongs bitch? Ding-Dong, Ding-Dong. Rhymes with big schlong. Never seen one of those in my life. Why must they destroy everything good and pure? "Back, back you evil hordes." Poor wicked man never deserved this. Where is the dignity I ask you, oh I ask you? Lord, why did you make me a carpet-muncher?

To fondle someone's massive junk just once and smell its sweet aroma. To lick the balls...oh...lick the balllllllls.

Rosie got distracted.

(source)

Matthew McConaughey Has Knocked Up His Woman

Tuesday, January 15, 2008


Nature-boy Matthew McConaughey announced on his website today that he's impregnated his girlfriend Camila Alves. The posting reads:

My girlfriend Camila and I made a baby together ... its 3 months grown in her womb and all looks healthy and lively so far.

Thank goodness it's in her womb. Be damn weird if it was growing inside her pancreas or something.

Dang, Matthew McConaughey is going to be a father. To a woman whose name he actually knows! Unlike all those other women he's knocked up who he just fucked in random places and never saw again or even remembered after the booze wore off.

Jeez, Matthew's really settling down now. He buys a house, gets his woman pregnant. Next thing you know he'll be wearing shirts, and using the bathroom to take dumps instead of just pinching one off wherever he feels like it.

Hopefully Matthew's baby will get its arm-length genes from its mom.

Congrats Matthew and Matthew's current girlfriend!

(source)

Rosie O'Donnell Is A Fricking Poet


Rosie O'Donnell is worried that something bad is going to happen to Britney Spears, and has decided to express these feelings of dread in a half-poem/half-story she's posted on her website:

Twenty-Six

I remember the tunnel as it appeared on the news, lit by headlights, flashlights, red lights. Between the cement tall pillars was a heap of twisted metal. I saw it then, and I can see it now. Diana dead.

She will be trying to get away, but they will chase her, just as they chased her into that church yesterday. There were dozens of them, jostling their way into sanctuary, elbowing past each other, just to creep closer to her. Even her last-minute, folded-hand prayers can’t be kept sacred. There can be no silent moments in a crowd; no silence, and no secrets.

All this fresh, painful frailty costs her so much, but it lines their pockets very well. A kings ransom was paid for those tabloid-ready cheap shots of her with messy hair, tear-soaked eyes, and the half-smile of a desperate baby girl.

“I’m scared,” she told them yesterday, when they later mobbed her at court. “Move back,” she said. “I’m scared. Stop it. Stop it. I want to get back in the car. Just stop it. Let me get in the car, please.”

Sometimes it really is too much. Internal wires cross. Anxiety hits. Panic sets in the heart. Dread. Fear.

But she asked for it, she’s a public figure.

At eight years old, she bravely stood before a microphone. By 17, she had sold 25 million records. Where were the sidewalk-skinned knees, the chalk stained hands, the monkey bars, the passed notes? A Disney set is not a childhood, no matter how many bright colors they use, or how cheerful the script.

Not a girl, barely even a woman yet, they chased her. A mob of stalkers for whom no stalking laws have been written. Smother. Crush. Flash. Photo Credit. Even Dr. “Get Real” Phil got in on the action. Unreal.

83 million albums sold so far. How many pictures?

The tunnel is crowded now. There are only inches of separation between vulnerability and disaster.


You really are a gullible moose aren't you Rosie? For fuck's sake, Britney takes money from the damn photo agencies and tells them where she's going to be. That whole "scared little girl" act is just that, an act. Good theater. And she knows it too.

Britney's about as afraid of the paps as I am of a basket of kittens. She's fucking one of them for the love of God!

Stop trying to be the voice of reason Rosie - you haven't got a reasonable bone in your entire fat, revolting body. You writing that story about Britney is like Candy Spelling posting open letters on TMZ - laughable and transparent.

You need to stick to what you do best Rosie: Making Elisabeth Hasselbeck cry.

(source)

(thanks Maggie C.)

Zac Efron Treated For Appendicitis


High School Musical star Zac Efron was rushed to Cedars-Sinai today and had to have his appendix out. At least, that's the official story coming out of Efron's camp. Crabbie is a bit suspicious though. First of all, I'm pretty sure androids don't have appendices. Second of all, if they do, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't treat an inflamed one at a hospital. That's a job for a mechanic or an engineer.

No word on whether Zac's "girlfriend" Vanessa Hudgens has plans to visit him in the hospital.

(source)

Update: The Tom Video



It's up again. Let's see how long it lasts this time...

Update: Stayed up all afternoon and into the evening. Nice.

Defamer still has it up if you wanna see it.

Paltrow Hospitalized


Gwyneth Paltrow was hospitalized yesterday for undisclosed reasons and is now said to be fine. Oh, really? And what did they do to her in the hospital that transformed her from "insufferably twatty" to "fine?" You can't get a personality transplant yet, so they must've given her some fantastic drugs.

(source)

Diane Keaton Puts The Moves On Diane Sawyer



Everyone wants to talk about Diane Keaton saying "fuck" during this GMA interview with Diane Sawyer. But the hell with that. I want to talk about Keaton's obvious lesbian attraction to Sawyer instead. Seriously, that is one creepy video. Keaton talking about Sawyer's lips and telling her how beautiful she is. Well Jesus Keaton, you want a taste of Sawyer's tuna? Ask her out someplace and get her old ass drunk. Don't hit on her on national fucking television. No one wants to see that. You're old and she's old, and now I won't be able to eat for the rest of the day. Have some consideration you senile old hag.

Clay Aiken's On The Rag


Something crawled up Clay Aiken's ass and died. Actually, this happened a long time ago - by now the dead thing's all decomposed and smelly and I don't even want to think about what else. All right, let's face it - the dead thing didn't crawl up there, Clay stuck it there. Some people like that sort of thing. Not the Crabster though - never was one of those gerbil fags.

Getting back to Clay...it seems that landing a role in the popular stage musical Spamalot hasn't improved the former American Idol contestant's mood. Newsweek reporter Ramin Setoodeh found this out recently when he asked Clay about that time he attacked a woman on a plane, and about the homosexual rumors. Clay, apparently thinking the interview was supposed to be a puffball situation, refused to answer any of Setoodeh's questions. Like a good reporter Setoodeh persisted. Clay got angrier and angrier, finally ending the interview.

"We're done," Aiken is alleged to have proclaimed. "I thought Newsweek would be more reputable. I'm surprised. This is Newsweek. It's not the National Enquirer.

"I'd hate to have a job where I had to be rude to people."

Well Clay, he wasn't being rude, he was doing his job as a journalist. See, here's how it works doucheface: You get a write-up in Newsweek, which is read by lots of the sort of people who are willing to shell out big bucks to see a thing like Spamalot. The trade-off is that you have to answer a few tough questions because it's Newsweek and if they go around only asking puffball questions people will accuse them of having no credibility. Got that? If you don't want to answer questions about unpleasant things, don't accept the interview with Newsweek. And don't act like you're doing them a favor - Newsweek will still be a big deal long after you've faded into the oblivion of a two-month engagement at fine Holiday Inns across America. Jesus, you'd think a fuckmunch like you would be grateful to be given a chance at something like Spamalot, but no - you act like an entitled little bitch. You're Clay fucking Aiken - only idiots care about you in the first place. How the hell do people like you become so delusional as to believe they can blow off a Newsweek interview? Sit there and answer the questions, and help your stupid show get some publicity. Have a sense of humor about yourself you closeted fag geek cocksucking loser. My God, is this man the King of the Asswads or what?

(source)

Joel Madden's Update On The Baby


Joel Madden posted an update on his and Nicole Richie's baby Harlow Winter Kate on the website for his clothing company, DCMA Collective. It reads:

Well I am finally home with my beautiful girlfriend and our brand new little daughter. Harlow Winter Kate Madden was born on January 11th 2008 at 3:13pm. She weighed in at 6 pounds and 7 ounces. She is 19 inches long and growing everyday already! She really is a wonderful addition to the GC/DCMA/DEADEXEC family.We are so blessed to have this beautiful little baby in our lives. I want to thank everyone for all the love and kind words they’ve sentour way. We apologize we werent accepting and gifts/cards/calls at the hospital, but if you’d like to send something, we’d rather you make a donation to the richie-madden foundation, which we started in Harlow Winter’s honor. She looks so much like her mom its crazy! She eats like a little maniac and shes really sweet. She barely ever cries ,even when daddy is changing her diaper, and believe me i suck when it comes to diapers, but im learning! I cant wait to show off some pictures, until then, THANKS!! and GOD BLESS….. Joel

She eats like a maniac and is really sweet? Um, I think they brought home the wrong baby - no way is that Nicole Richie's. Aw, I'm kidding, I'm sure the baby's cute(ish). And I bet Nicole can't wait to dump it on a nanny so she can go back out and party and smoke crack and stuff.

(source)

Britney Loses The Kids - Again


So Britney showed up at the court house yesterday, but didn't actually stick around long enough to participate in the proceedings. I knew she'd never have the guts to sit there while the cops and emergency workers described her lunatic outburst of a couple weeks ago. It would've been really awkward anyway, these people testifying to Brit's insanity and her jumping up and going "Nuh-uh, it wadn't like that at all yer honor. They'z lyin'."

Anyway, the news is that the commissioner extended the suspension of Britney's visitation rights - not exactly a tough ruling. Now we sit here and wait for Britney's next volley. I don't imagine how she could top herself. Maybe walk into a Starbucks with a machine gun and take the place over.

(source)

Those Are Some Exciting...Flashlights...

Monday, January 14, 2008


Someone has done another movie version of Journey to the Center of the Earth. I like this pic from it. "We're journeying to the center of the earth. Good thing we have lots of flashlights. Cause it's dark...in the earth..."

I remember the old Journey to the Center of the Earth with James Mason and Pat Boone. It had a duck in it named Gertrude. There was a chamber full of salt crystals that was like Liberace's dream bathroom. That's all I remember. Except that, after I saw it as a kid, I lost all desire to journey to the center of the earth. Cause it seemed boring.

Cruise Transcripts


I managed to see the Tom Cruise Scientology tribute videos last night before they were taken off-line. Unfortunately, I didn't think to capture them (cause I'm an idiot). Anyway, someone has done us the service of transcribing the whole thing. Here are the juicier Tom quotes (no commentary really necessary, I don't think):

I think it’s a privilege to call yourself a Scientologist, and it’s something that you have to earn because a Scientologist does... has the ability to create new and better realities and improve conditions. Being a Scientologist, you look at someone and know absolutely that you can help them.

Being a Scientologist, when you drive past an accident... you know you have to do something about it because you know you’re the only one that can really help.

But that’s what drives me... I know that we have an opportunity to really help... effectively change people’s lives and I am dedicated to that. I am absolutely, uncompromisingly dedicated to that.

We have a responsibility.

We are the authorities on getting people off drugs, we are the authorities on the mind, we are the authorities on improving conditions... we can rehabilitate criminals.

...We can bring peace and unite cultures...

Traveling the world and meeting the people that I’ve met, talking with these leaders in various fields, they want help and they are depending on people who know and who can be effective and do it and that’s us. That is our responsibility to do that.

It is the time now. Now is the time... Being a Scientologist, people are turning to you, so you better know it, you better know it and if you don’t, go and learn it, but don’t pretend you know it. It’s like we’re here to help.

If you’re a Scientologist, you see life, you see things the way they are, in all its glory, all of its complexity and the more you know as a Scientologist, you don’t become overwhelmed by it.

Look, I wish the world was a different place. I’d like to go on vacation and go and romp and play and just do that, you know what I mean. That’s what I want it to be. There’s times I’d like to do that, but I can’t because I know I have to do something about it.

I have to do it because I can’t live with myself if I don’t, and that really is it.

So it’s our responsibility to educate, create the new reality. We have that responsibility to say, "Hey, this is the way it should be done because we do it this way and people are actually getting better."

And let’s get it done. Let’s really get it done and have enough love and compassion and toughness that you’re really going to do it and do it right.

I have to tell you something – it is rough and tumble, and it’s wild and wooly, and it’s a blast, it’s a blast, it really is fun because, dammit, there is nothing better than the going out there and fighting the fight and suddenly you see things are better.

I want to know that I’ve done everything I could everyday, and I think about those people out there who are depending on us. I think about that and it does make me feel that we’ve got more work. I need more help, get those spectators either in the playing field or out of the arena. Really, that’s how I feel about it.

I do what I can, and I do it the way I do everything. [laughs] There’s nothing part-of-the way for me.


A question for Tom: What if people don't want to live in your "new reality?" What if they choose to live in their own reality, even if you don't approve of that reality? What then huh? You delusional fuck.

(source)

Posh Down With Snoop


Snoop Dogg says David Beckham's wife Posh was initially not cool with her husband and the rapper being friends...but he has since brought her around. Snoop:

I met Posh one time, at the Live 8 concert. She didn't really like me much. She didn't like my bad boy persona.

All she knew was, "Snoop Dogg's a bad guy. I don't want my husband dealing with him - he's going to rub off on my husband."

But now she's seen my [reality TV] show, and I think I'm cool with her now that she knows that I'm family orientated, that I have a structure and a wife.

You rolled her a big ol' doob didn't you Snoop? That's okay, the bitch needed mellowing out.

What happens when Posh gets the munchies by the way? She goes nuts and eats that second pretzel?

(source)