Now They're His and His Alone

The big news over the weekend was Scarlett Johansson marrying Ryan Reynolds. Like every other star, the two were hitched at a small, private ceremony. Unlike most other stars, they had to pry a weeping Woody Allen off the car before they could drive off to begin the honeymoon. What's a honeymoon for a pair of movie stars by the way? Do they rent out a football stadium somewhere and hire whole planeloads of hookers for a huge orgy and fly in piles of drugs and gallons of booze? "I want these memories to last a lifetime, or at least until they invent brain-colonics and I can just forget every stupid thing I've ever done." I could've sworn Scarlett said humans weren't monogamous by nature. Yeah - Ryan's got a nice road ahead of him.