PETA Wants to Scan Sharon Stone's Brain

The animal rights Nazis at PETA have attempted a humorous attack on noted fur-wearing looney old crone Sharon Stone.

"Dear Mrs. Stone," reads a letter addressed to Sharon by PETA president Ingrid Newkirk. "I am writing with an offer that could provide an opportunity for you to escape all future public condemnation when you show insensitivity to the suffering of others.

"Given that millions of people - including children - were killed, injured and left homeless by the recent earthquake in China, everyone was shocked to hear you dismiss the devastating effects of this disaster. However, your cavalier attitude did not come as a surprise to us. We are used to the indifference that you flaunt and the callous remarks that you make about the suffering and death of the animals whose fur you wear so often.

"Scientific studies suggest that the prefrontal regions of the brains of people who lack empathy might be underdeveloped. Here's our offer: Would you allow PETA to pay for a scan of the prefrontal region of your brain to determine if comments and actions that seem to demonstrate a lack of empathy are the result of a physical defect?

"Mink, foxes, rabbits and other fur-bearing animals are tortured and killed so that people like you can steal and wear these animals' fur. We have sent you videotapes showing that animals on fur farms spend their lives confined to cramped, filthy wire cages with little to no shelter from the scorching sun and freezing rain. Animals are killed by the cheapest and crudest methods, including poisoning, neck-breaking, gassing, and genital electrocution. Workers bludgeon animals with metal rods and slam them against the ground, which breaks the animals' bones but does not always kill or stun them. Sometimes animals are still conscious when they are skinned.

You don't have to be a member of Mensa to understand that the suffering endured by animals in the fur industry is supported by your desire to deck yourself out in fur. The type of thinking that would allow a perhaps otherwise intelligent woman to deny the cruel consequences of her actions can be established through a brain scan. We urge you to undergo this test at our expense. With help, you might be able to develop empathy and curb your urge to scoff at various forms of misery and violence. Please contact me to make the necessary arrangements."

Damn, this is good veal.