Matthew McConaughey's Nicaraguan Crazy Attack

Bongo-playing apeman Matthew McConaughey has a baby on the way with Camila Alves, and is supposed to be winding his wild-man days down in anticipation of a life of domestic bliss. Unfortunately, Matthew doesn't seem to have gotten that particular memo.

Matthew showed just how unprepared he is to take on the responsibilities of non-insane adulthood by reportedly going on a crazy drunken spree in San Juan Del Sur, Nicaragua. Witnesses say McConaughey, who was in the country for a surfing trip, spent two straight nights at the The Iguana Bar swilling booze and hitting on everything with tits.

"He was so drunk he did stuff only a drunk guy would do," one witness reported. "He was acting like an 18 year old."

The first night, Matthew reportedly staggered out of the tavern and passed out in a ditch. The second night, he had to be carried out by some of his fellow bar-goers.

One victim of Matthew's amorous advances, a chick named Amber, tells of the lunacy that ensued when the actor misplaced his footwear.

"He stood on a table, screaming in drunk, broken Spanish, 'I've lost my flip-flops.'"

One woman tried taking a picture of him while he was on the table, and he grabbed her camera and tried to break it.

Apparently, Matthew was unsuccessful in getting any of the Iguana Bar's classy female patrons to fall for his charms.

"He was dancing with a ton of women but he was too drunk to go home with any of them," a witness said.

McConaughey's antics ultimately left a negative impression on many who witnessed them.

"He was on his own, which impressed everyone at first, but the guy drank everything and by the time he was carried out on Saturday night, everyone had lost respect for him," said one of the locals.

Sounds like someone's suffering a little pre-baby anxiety. I'm sure this will go down well with Camila Alves when she hears about it. I personally couldn't be more tickled. Matthew McConaughey remains the male Tara Reid...always and forever!