1. You talk in a high, screechy voice that gets even higher and screechier when you express your outrage over something Al Sharpton said.
2. You've seen Wedding Crashers more than once.
3. You've finished 708th in a marathon where places 1-707 were taken by Kenyans.
4. You're not in prison.
5. You don't find D.L. Hughley the least bit funny.
6. You thought Imus got screwed.
7. You've never had sex with Kim Kardashian.
8. You found Juno to be an uncannily accurate representation of everyday life.
9. You just don't get all the fuss over Tyler Perry.
10. Barack Obama makes you more than vaguely uncomfortable.
Barack Obama Asks: Are You a Typical White Person?
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Posted by Crabbie at 11:45 AM
Labels: Barack Obama, Kim Kardashian, Tyler Perry
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16 comments:
You forgot to add:
11). If you smell like dog when you don't have cologne on.
12). If you smell like piss when your wet.
and last but not least..
13). If you hate every race (latino, asian, black, etc.) for no apparent reason. When in fact they should be the ones hating you.
14). If your a crack, cocaine or heroin addict, because we all know Black and Mexican people smoke marijuana.
15). If you hate other races for doing the same things you celebrate your own race for doing.
16). If you shoot up a high school, work place or any other public area.
17). If you are filled with hate.
18). You don't know the difference between "your" and 'you're"
19). You can't spell "definitely" or "tongue" correctly.
20. You have never robbed a store
21. You do not have 6 kids all by different fathers
22. You know who your father is
23. You not only graduated high school but you finished college
24. You don't eat hog intestines
25. You can wash your hair every day
26. You can pronounce all your words correctly
27. You are a productive member of society
28. You get sun burned because yo don't have leather for skin
29. Your nose does not take up half your face
Uh oh crabby..you dun rile up de negros
Hey 12:29 PM -
20) If you like watermelon, yard-birds (chicken), and the color purple a little too much.
21) If you get pissed when someone calls your wife, sister, aunt or mother a nappy-headed ho.
22) If you've seen the inside of a jail, prison or police station more than 20 times by age 20.
23) If you think everyone owes you free houses, cars, education, food, utilities, and everything else you can think of for free.
24) If you think that slavery which ended over 300 fucking years ago is still relevant or that we should give a shit.
25) If you would murder, rape, rob or steal from a white person with absolutely no remorse.
26) If your ass is huge and high.
27) If your women are ugly.
28) If you have little black wirey hairs all over your fucking house and car.
29) If you teach your children to hate white folk from the time they are born and then justify it.
30) If you go to a doctor, dentist, party, car wash, whore house, lawyer, grocery store or any other place you choose to spend your welfare money, because it is run or owned by blacks -- because after all, if it's black owned or run, it must be better.
31) If you're on welfare just like previous generations of your family.
32) If you got into college because of affirmative action and not because you were qualified.
33) If you think that all white folk should kiss your ass because once upon a time (over 300 fucking years ago), blacks were enslaved.
34) If you've knocked up multiple black women and have multiple children running around that you have no interest in.
35) If you own various weapons... guns, shanks, etc. that you keep on your person.
36) If items 20 - 36 piss you off......
THEN YOU'RE A TYPICAL BLACK!!!!!
Uh, slavery ended in the 1860's ....I'm pretty sure that isn't over 300 years ago
Barack Hussein Obama, half white, half black, cites only his white mother's family as exemplars of racist America. This the family who stayed by him, nurtured, fed, clothed and educated him. Yet he chooses to identify with the black muslim father who abandoned him. Chooses to identify with a black racist church which believes every paranoidal, crack-pot phobia of white America. Well, dildock, to use you're racist phrase, let me tell you what this typical white democrat is going to do if you win the nomination: vote for McCain.
Hey, 2:33, need some caulk for that chip on your shoulder?
37) You can read and write articulate sentences.
38) You think a grill is for cooking.
39) You work, and so did your parents.
40) You have trouble getting into the college of your choice because they need to have 'campus diversity'.
41) You find it odd that there are Black, Womyn, Asian and Chicano studies but no White studies; and if you mention this fact you are branded a racist.
42) The pizza guy will deliver to your neighborhood
3:06 PM - The precise end of slavery is debatable, except of course to those of you who majored in African American studies in college. You know, the college you got into in the first place because of affirmative action... But I digress. Suffice it to say that anything in history that is that fucking old that someone is still bitching about or using as an excuse for anything in contemporary society, is about an hour past pathetic.
7:40 PM - Need someone to bitch slap you upside your nappy head to make your neurons start firing? Does the truth hurt chump? Does it sting like the devil every single time you look into some white person's face and see their beautiful pale skin, luminous eyes and hair that the wind will actually lift up and whip around on a breezy summer day? Does it irk your ass that your race is still debating the merits of ebonics, praising the likes of Al Sharpton, killing, dealing and pimping in great numbers in every ghetto in America? Why don't you bend over and let me swipe my credit card in your big high ass. You know credit cards don't you? Those slender, hard, plastic things people get who actually work for a living and have good credit...
Oh, I'm black now? That's cool, I always wondered what it would be like to be black!
...I don't feel any different, though, that's weird... Perhaps my new DNA doesn't automatically drive me to bust a cap in people's asses and steal 40s from the liquor store down the street. And where are my spinners?? I WAS TOLD THERE WOULD BE SPINNERS. YOU LIED TO ME, 2:26!!
For more laughs on this topic see my Blog at http://chrismatthewsotherleg.blogspot.com/
Funny but sets you thinking as well.
Yes, 6:13, we typical white people should cross the street and vote for McCain!
If he were a shade or two darker he would not be where he is today. And if Hillary were not Bill's husband she would not be where she is today.
Kill Whitey!
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