Kirstie Alley Gives Us Another Reason To Hate Scientologists

Celeb Scientologists continue their campaign of idiocy against media entities who refuse to bow to the notion that their stupid book-club religion should be taken seriously. The latest to feel the wrath - Us Weekly. Today, Gawker posted a letter allegedly sent by fat dipshit Kirstie Alley's lawyers to Us in response to a joke that publication made about Scientology. The letter reads:

Gentlemen;

This office represents Kirstie Alley. It has just come to our attention that in your January 7, 2008 edition, page 87, there is a photograph of Nicole Kidman at the Golden Compass premiere in Sydney, Australia. On the photograph, Danica Lo makes the comment: "Bonus: This specially designed suit repels Scientologists."

While I realize that Ms. Lo and your magazine are attempting to be sarcastic and funny, you are perpetuating the unfair prejudice against Scientologists in our society. While you may feel that appealing to this prejudice will help you sell magazines, it degrades our society and plays upon baseless fears and suspicions about Scientology which are spread by the media.

You would not have published Ms. Lo's statement if she had made the comment about African Americans, Hispanics or other minorities who have been the victims of bigotry. Would you have published this comment if it were Jews, Muslims or Christians who were singled out for ridicule by Ms. Lo? Scientology's principal difference from these other religions is its age, which apparently you feel gives you license to publish unfair and bigoted statements about its followers. Hostility against people of faith based solely on their religious beliefs is a poison you are helping to spread.

Ms. Lo should be discharged for her narrow-minded comment. You should apologize and commit to a thorough examination of why you have chosen to foster animosity and bias against Scientologists.

And since Us Weekly doesn't have the balls to respond to this letter as they should, I will do it for them:

Dear Scientology,

We here at Us Weekly respect your concerns about writer Danica Lo's humorous statement in our January 7, 2008 edition. Ms. Lo demonstrated poor judgment in making fun of Scientology when remarking upon Nicole Kidman's dreadful outfit, and we are sorry for any offense this may have given.

Actually, no we're not. In truth, we find it odd that, with all the shit that's been said about Scientology in recent months, you would choose to zero in on this one particular innocuous, throwaway joke. First of all, the joke wasn't even funny. Second of all, we thought you hated Nicole Kidman and would enjoy any jab at her, even if it was also sort of at you. Third of all, does Kirstie Alley have nothing better to do with her life than read Us Weekly? We thought all Scientologists spent their days pondering the mysteries of the universe. We didn't realize they ever took time out to catch up on what Pete and Ashlee have been up to. It's sort of flattering, in a way, knowing people of Ms. Alley's caliber find our publication stimulating.

In case you didn't know, I was being sarastic again. Kirstie Alley is clearly a fat, stupid, heinous cow who can't read anything more sophisticated than a celebrity rag without getting totally lost. She doesn't have too much trouble reading menus though does she? Actually, she doesn't even need to read them at this point - she has them memorized. Or does she even need to memorize the menus? Does she now just walk into restaurants and say, "Bring me a side of beef," and devour the whole thing without even once wiping her stupid, fat, idiot mouth? Kirstie Alley, in case you people hadn't noticed, is revolting. And she clearly has no sense of humor about herself or her fake religion, otherwise she wouldn't get so upset over a silly joke in a silly magazine.

It may be true, Scientologists, that we wouldn't have published the same joke about Christians or Muslims or Jews, but even if we had, it's unlikely that representatives of those faiths would've bothered calling us on it. Most people of those faiths are secure enough in their beliefs not to get thrown into an angry tailspin over every joke or criticism, and those who aren't so secure are merely the crackpots, radicals and fringe figures, the mainstream members having better things to do with their lives than make their lawyers draft irate missives and send them out willy-nilly. So, are we to understand that Ms. Alley is herself a crackpot Scientologist? Or are all Scientologists, in fact, crackpots?

We suggest Ms. Alley try to broaden her literary horizons. Maybe if she read something besides Scientology texts and celeb rags, she would be enlightened enough by now to see the difference between a harmless crack and a real criticism. Maybe if she put down the pork chops and got out some, she would acquire enough knowledge of the world to realize that it doesn't revolve around her fat ass. Or, maybe she wouldn't. Maybe, like most of the rest of the Scientologists on earth, she is too wrapped up in her own bullshit delusions of universal conquest to even realize there is anything else going on.

Thank you for your time.

(source)