Brit Parties

Britney hit Les Deux last night. She needed to decompress a little after the stress of so much partying. Takes a lot out of you. Plus there's the unpleasantness with her mom. You just know Britney's gnashing her teeth over that. Girl's got a lot on her mind. You have no idea how draining it is, the effort of choosing what head-wrap to hold your icky fake hair up with.

Eva Says Bye-Bye To Single Life

Eva Longoria arrives for her bachelorette party in St. Tropez. Bet there were some hunky dancers there. Wonder how many of them Eva did. I'm guessing three minimum. Slow night for her. But she was tuckered - all the wedding preparations, you know.

You Slow This Thing Down Right Now Young Man...

Shia LaBeouf gives Harrison Ford a ride on the set of Indiana Jones 4. Crabbie wouldn't mind getting a ride from Shia himself. Harrison, not so much. Profuse ear-hair and Fixodent-breath - no thanks.

Paper Paris Doesn't Do Drugs

PAPER PARIS VISITS UNCLE LARRY ON HIS FAMOUS T.V. SHOW...

SOMETIMES BAD THINGS HAPPEN THOUGH...




BE STRONG PAPER PARIS. BE STRONG...

Grossness

No, it's not a zombie leprechaun - it's Sharon Stone. Yes, that Sharon Stone. The one who made raised the poon-flash to an art-form long before Britney and Lindsay. Nobody wants to look at her poon nowadays though. And frankly we don't want to look at her face either. But, look on the bright side - at least she doesn't have arms like Madonna:



Madonna now looks like Iggy Pop with boobs. Lovely.

Paris's New Girlfriend?

The New Paris is not alone in Hawaii - she has brought along her buddy Ashley Scott, the TV actress, who visited her in jail a couple days before she was let out. Is there something going on between these two? Even if there isn't we're going to say there is - cause that's just the kind of people we are.

Britney v. Lynne - It's Ugly Now

It's gotten bad between Britney Spears and her mother Lynne - this became manifestly obvious yesterday when Splash News cameras captured Britney storming onto the set of sister Jamie Lynn's TV show in Valencia, confronting Lynne and handing her a set of papers. Speculation is that the papers were related to a restraining order Britney has had slapped on Lynne, which would prevent Lynne from seeing either of Britney's children anymore. Britney, allegedly, claims Lynne has a pill addiction, and should therefore be kept from seeing her grandsons Sean Preston and Jayden James. Most believe however that Britney's actions have been motivated by her own personal anger toward Lynne, whom Britney has repeatedly accused of conspiring against her, in league with ex-husband Kevin Federline. Britney reportedly even claims that Lynne "forced her" to enter rehab earlier this year against her will - though how exactly this went down remains something only Britney herself knows.

So how is Lynne handling the very public unpleasantness between her and her precious angel of a daughter? Here's what a source told People magazine:

[Lynne] is brokenhearted. She wants her baby to be okay and to bring her grandkids home to Kentwood and raise them in a normal environment.

One wonders what exactly constitutes a "normal" environment in the opinion of Lynne Spears. Certainly, Britney's own childhood was anything but normal. Also, it is revealing that the word "baby" keeps being used in connection with Spears. Yes, I understand the sentimental application of that particular word, especially when a mother is speaking of her child - but in Britney's case, there is more than a whiff of the literal to it. Perhaps the whole root of the problem is that Lynne cannot stop seeing her little Brits as a baby - and Brits cannot therefore stop acting like one. It would be helpful for Britney if, at some point in her ever-more-miserable existence, someone close to her demanded something resembling adult behavior from her. Of course, money and fame make a wonderful shield against responsibility - even if Britney were confronted with her childishness, it's doubtful her behavior patterns would be adjusted. Someone else would always be there to tell her she doesn't have to listen to that jerk - that it's okay for her to go on being the same irresponsible child she's always been. Such is the nature of sycophancy - for its own sake it must encourage the most foolish and self-destructive of behaviors.

If Lynne Spears did in fact "force" Britney to enter rehab, it was probably the most motherly thing she's ever done - even if it was finally motivated not by love so much as a wish to keep the gravy-train on the road. And how is Britney repaying her? With legal papers and threats and public accusations of drug use. Clearly, Britney does not take well to being told she's done something she shouldn't have.

(One final note on this story: Apparently, Britney discovered Lynne was in Valencia after asking some photographers. Lovely relationship Britney has with the paps now. Guess that whole umbrella-whacking thing has been forgotten?)

(source)

Nicky Hilton Is One Ugly Chick

Nicky Hilton heads to a baby shower. What does a Hilton bring as a gift to a baby shower by the way? A pair of baby hooker-boots? A toddler-sized bong? The number of a good lawyer for future reference?

Maybe it's just the angle, but doesn't Nicky look even uglier than usual? Her head appears elongated, plus her hair is not great. And her face. It looks like a wild animal tore it off, and the surgeon who put it back together couldn't figure out where the pieces went so he just said fuck it.

Katie's Not Turning Herself Into Posh. Uh-huh.

Katie Holmes heads to a meeting at CAA in L.A. Memo to everyone who says Katie isn't trying to turn herself into Posh:

Stuff it.

Signed, Crabbie

Katie is even Poshier than Posh now. Look at the way she carries herself. She used to be kind of gawky and self-conscious about her height, but now she's got that Poshy strut going. I'm betting Poshy practices walking with Katie all the time, out by the pool while Tom is getting his rub-down from David.

Tom really likes his rub-downs too. Really, really likes them.

Paula Abdul Is Getting Some

Newsflash: Paula Abdul is having sex. That's her up there with her new boyfriend J.J. Torregiani. He looks like a cross between David Gest and some ex-boybander. Paula appears to be happy at least. One of these days the drugs are gonna wear off though, and J.J.'s gonna realize he's having sex with Paula Abdul. Then he'll go running back to Simon.

All right, that was lame. Simon's not gay. It's Seacrest J.J. will go running back to. Sorry, that was lame too. Everyone knows Randy Jackson is the homo on that show. Dawg.

(source)

Paris In Hawaii

Paris Hilton has fled to Hawaii. Maybe she figures they don't have TV there, so no one saw her ridiculous interview with Larry King in which she claimed to have never taken drugs. Nice disguise by the way Paris. Next time consider gloves - those creepy man-hands are a dead give-away.

Tom In Holland

Tom Cruise is in Amsterdam promoting his new movie Lions for Lambs. I bet Tom is gonna get him some good weed and a hooker while he's there. Er...maybe not.

Nice wooden shoes by the way. The ones on the left are Tom's.

Update: Paris Denies Taking Drugs

Oh my gosh, doesn't her hair look nice? And she's so much prettier without those colored contacts.

Update: The Smoking Gun would beg to differ with Paris's assertion that she's never done drugs. Be warned - clicking this link leads you to a page featuring seven videos that all load at once.

Mika Brzezinski Doesn't Want To Cover Paris

So whatev sends me an email telling me about this Mika Brzezinski broad who went all pissy on Joe Scarborough's morning show on MSNBC when she had to read a story about Paris Hilton. Seems Ms. Brzezinski, who is the daughter of Zbigniew Brzezinski who was Jimmy Carter's national security advisor, thinks a serious network like MSNBC shouldn't be leading a news update with a story about Paris. Ha ha and ha again. First of all, MSNBC isn't a serious network - it's a joke. They might just as well go to 24-hour-a-day Paris Hilton coverage - hell, they might actually get some ratings if they did that. Second of all, Ms. Brzezinski is clearly a phony. She pitches her little on-air fit to show that she isn't down with all the Paris coverage - but if she really had the courage of her convictions she would've walked out entirely. Or at least had the guts to burn the damn paper instead of just flicking the lighter under it. Come on Mika - that's Don Imus's old spot. You think he would've not lit the paper on fire? I once watched him light a hat on fire and nearly burn down his old studio in Queens. You wanna fill the man's shoes you gotta be willing to go the distance. Otherwise you're just another blonde anchor-chick looking for a little easy pub.

(thanks for the tip whatev)

Lindsay's Toxicology Report

The toxicology report is in from Lindsay Lohan's crazy night last month. According to TMZ, Lohan had twice the legal limit of alcohol in her bloodstream and traces of cocaine. On the bright side, there was no rhino tranquilizer in there. Of course, this is all moot now - Lindsay has cleaned her life up in rehab so there's no point in pursuing charges. Live and learn, right?

(source)

A Movie About Paris Starring Lindsay With A Soundtrack By Britney?

I'm pretty sure someone made this story up - but I'm going to report it anyway because it's just so damn crazy.

According to Britain's Daily Mail, some nutty soul has floated the idea of a Paris Hilton biopic, and you'll never guess who they want to play Paris...

Yup, Lindsay Lohan.

Says a source:

There have already been negotiations with a major film company to make the Paris Hilton biopic with Lindsay Lohan playing Paris - with Britney Spears singing the soundtrack.

And Nicole Richie as an anorexic half-retarded hanger-on who somehow manages to become famous herself? And Jessica Simpson just cause?

This beats the hell out of Celebutard Island. Seriously - if they make this movie, Crabbie will be lined up outside the theater a month ahead of time like one of these insane Star Wars geeks. This thing would even be better than Peyton Place! It would be better than Funny Girl!

All right, not better than Funny Girl.

Am I gayer than usual today? And why am I writing short paragraphs like Perez? I must be copying him again. Damn me to hell.

(source)

Kate Beckinsale's Family Disturbs Me

"Who here smells like a racoon's farts, likes eating worms and has the IQ of a retarded monkey?"

Tee-hee.

"Who here has slept with Hugh Jackman?"

Ho-ho.

"Okay. Now let's all wave to the birdies. Hi birdies!"

Spice Girls - The After Pic

The Spice Girls, for reasons that remain vague, have decided to reunite. Here we see them at a photocall at the Royal Observatory in the U.K. First of all - Ginger. I looked up your age and found that you are in fact 34 years old. Why then do you look like you should be doing an ad for Metamucil? And blonde chick between Scary and Ginger - I don't quite remember you. Are you sure you were in the Spice Girls? You look like Cameron Diaz's fuglier sister. And Posh - um, camera's over there hon. Did you see something shiny or something? Nice pants by the way. They really help enhance the unnaturalness of your figure. Is that a top you're wearing or some kind of bizarre breast-torture device? And then of course there's darling Sporty. Looks like she's ditched the track-suit at last. Now she wants to be Joss Stone apparently. Well, Joss may be a dumb twat too, but at least she can sing. I heard Sporty can queef "God Save the Queen," but I don't know if I'd call that a talent.

The New Paris With Larry

Clips of The New Paris's appearance with Larry King are out. In this one she talks about the shock of discovering that she had been sentenced to jail, and about her first night in the pokey.

The New Paris is reasonable-sounding and boring. We want her to suck a dick or snort some coke.

US Weekly's Farcical Hilton Boycott

US Weekly has decided to declare a Paris Hilton black-out. For one issue, the magazine shall feature no stories about Paris Hilton - nor indeed any even passing reference to the recently-jailed skank. Ostensibly, this move is being made because the publishers of US think we're all sick of Paris and need a break from her. However, it's obvious that US has another reason for wanting to remove their support for the juggernaut that is Paris Hilton's publicity machine, and it is far from an altruistic one - they are mad at Paris for jilting them.

Paris Hilton has agreed to two major appearances in the immediate wake of her release from Lynwood - on Larry King's CNN program tonight, and in the pages of People magazine this Friday. Doubtless, there was an intense bidding war for the right to feature Ms. Hilton at this time, when she is the hottest commodity in celebrity-land. King won the TV side, presumably because the networks feared losing credibility more than they savored the chance to score huge ratings in the midst of the summer doldrums. And People won despite what must have been many other attractive offers, one no doubt from US.

Yes, US was spurned by Paris - and in a rather Paris-like move, they've decided to shoot back by crossing their arms and pouting, and refusing to talk about Paris anymore (for at least one week). It's a shrewd move in a way - everyone else is in Paris overdrive, so by issuing a moratorium, they make themselves stand out from the tabloid pack. However, it is a move clearly motivated by pettiness and spite. Their insistence that they feel for their readers, and don't want to wear them out with Paris talk, is pure hypocrisy. Had Paris granted them the first interview instead of giving it to People, there would've been nothing but Paris all over every page of US - perhaps even a double-issue with a commemorative Paris Hilton centerfold. There would have been nothing but Paris hype all over US's website. They would've been fawning over the slut like she was Princess Di or Angelina Jolie or one of these other unaccountable media darlings. But, they lost the Paris lottery, and are behaving in a fashion that would seem to suit the level of their publication and its readers - they are pouting like little bitches who didn't get their way.

(source)

Links

Reese Witherspoon is over Ryan Phillippe. Really. Over him. I don't think he's over her though. Just a feeling. - A Socialite's Life

Jennifer Aniston says Paul Sculfor is better in the sack than Brad Pitt. Yeah, but can Paul roll over and play dead on command? - The Dirty Disher

Justin Timberlake needs pills for his gas. Is that the stuff coming out his ass or his mouth? - Celebrity Dirty Laundry

Hayden Panettiere licks a statue's ass. Somebody get this girl a boyfriend, stat. - Agent Bedhead

Mandy Moore poses all pretty and stuff. Sorry, she's still fat. - Egotastic!

Hilary Duff poses in a bikini. Sorry, she's still ugly. - Hollywood Tuna

Coco shows Kim Kardashian what an ass looks like. - Hollywood Rag

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen go out together. They're even more indistinguishable drunk than they are sober. - Popsugar

One Tough Dyke

This is a poster for Jodie Foster's new movie The Brave One. Jodie - keep going around looking like that and people are gonna whisper.

Paris's Jailhouse Starvation Diet

Paris Hilton, you'll be shocked to know, did not suffer as much deprivation in jail as we were lead to believe. In fact, according to a story in today's Page 6, Paris pretty much did nothing but stuff her face while locked up in Lynwood.

No, Paris was not having expensive pastries or anything like that smuggled in - she was procuring the food legitimately. Apparently, in Lynwood, it is possible to purchase snacks, as well as beauty products, from a commissary - a luxury Paris partook of to the tune of $145. Which, needless to say, is a lot more than your average Lynwood guest would be spending in a little less than three weeks.

So what exactly did Paris get for her $145? French vanilla coffee packs, chicken noodle soup, toffee peanut treats, banana nut muffins, packs of chicken broth and a jar of Vaseline. Not exactly Mandela wasting away in a dank cell, huh?

Oh, and of course Paris didn't have to haul all that shit back to the cell herself. She had deputies carrying the stuff for her. Said one pissed-off member of the Lynwood staff:

I don't understand what the big deal is; she's a nobody. ... She's got sheriffs bringing her food. This was unbelievable.

Yeah - and the next thing we're going to find out is that Lee Baca was in there giving her pedicures. Does anyone doubt now that they bent over backward for this bitch? They didn't even make her carry her own banana nut muffins. And this whore is running around like she suffered some terrible ordeal. Oh yeah - they only had generic chicken broth. Poor Paris - how did she stand it?

(source)

That's Brad?

This is supposed to be Brad Pitt working on a commercial in Prague. Does it look like him though? Maybe it's the way the light is hitting him. Hmm - whoever it is, they do appear to be suffering from an extreme lack-of-package. Yeah, I guess it is Brad...

Lindsay Is Better Than Fine

Lindsay takes a moment during a hike to smell a flower. No jokes about someone telling her it was a cocaine flower, okay? That's not cool...

Oh look - the water bottle is back. But it's really water this time, right? No more tricks. Nope. Not the New Lindsay. She's past sneaking vodka into water bottles. She's turned a corner.

She did think it was a cocaine flower, didn't she? Stupid twat.

Amy Winehouse - What A Charmer

Amy Winehouse really knows how to make an impression. On herself. With a shard of broken glass. In front of a Spin Magazine reporter. You can tell where this is going can't you?

The incident, which stands as further proof that Amy Winehouse is a mad fuck, took place during a post-photoshoot interview. Amy, perhaps feeling the conversation wasn't stimulating enough, jazzed things up by snatching a hunk of broken mirror left from the shoot and carving the words "I Love Blake" (that's her husband Blake Civil-Fielder) into her own abdomen. The interviewer, heroically, managed not to barf - either at the display of blood-letting, or the mere fact of having that much of Amy Winehouse's disgustingly emaciated body exposed to them.

Here's what Crabbie wants to know first - why in hell is anyone leaving shards of broken glass lying around when Amy Winehouse is there? Isn't that sort of like putting a bunch of crack out on a table in front of Whitney Houston?

And, shock of shocks, it turns out Amy's husband Blake is not exactly Mr. Restraint himself. During the same interview, which apparently took place in a bar, Mr. Civil-Fielder became annoyed with a bystander who remarked on his resemblance to the actor Ethan Embry. Civil-Fielder related his irritation to the poor interviewer by whispering in their ear:

Tell the guy who looks like he has leukemia I'm going to slit his throat.

Drunk, classless and obsessed with sharp objects. Yup, I'd say Amy and Blake are going to be providing us a lot of entertainment - until the suicide pact is carried out.

(source)

Stamos Wasted

John Stamos appears on Australian television, under the influence of...something.

Well, he was in Australia. You know - when in Rome...

Do We Get To Win This Time? No John - We Still Don't.

No, Sly Stallone has not had an attack of roid-rage - he's just off in a jungle someplace shooting Rambo IV. And yes, that's Rambo 4, not Rambo IV as in the thing you put in some old man's arm because he's dehydrated and suffering convulsions from the combination of horse hormones and over-exertion. Oh Sly - you'd think after all these years you'd have learned a second expression for "really intense." That one just looks like you're having trouble squeezing one out.

Peaches Gets The Boot

Peaches Geldof is only a big deal to Peaches Geldof. Maybe someone should take the girl aside and explain this - otherwise more unpleasantness is sure to occur, of the type that went down when she raided the trailer of a band performing at the Glastonbury Festival this weekend.

The band is called The Enemy - and they are not big fans of Peaches Geldof. Said the group's lead-singer of Peaches's insufferable antics:

She kept coming into our trailer all high and mighty nicking all our food. We were pissed off with her for that, but then she started taking the piss singing our song ‘Away From Here’ and that was that. ... I told her to fuck off, that she was a nobody and should stop acting like a slag all the time. She muttered something like don’t talk to me like that, but I didn’t give a shit and booted her out. ... If someone talks to me like a cunt, then I treat them like one. And that Peaches nobody is exactly that. ... She’s a rich posh kid who’s just the daughter of Bob Geldof. Most bands couldn’t give a fuck about her. Just what is the point of her being backstage? It’s really embarrassing. Just who is she exactly?

There's nothing like a profanity-laced Brit tirade, is there? Just imagine all of that in a thick accent with a bit of druggy slur - music to the ears.

And by the way, Peaches - that dude's got you pegged. You are nothing but a useless slag. You wouldn't think so highly of yourself if you had been taught decently by an engaged parent. But your daddy Bob doesn't give a fuck about you - so he let you run around doing anything you pleased. And the result? You are an insufferable little twat like him.

(source)

Gag

Paris Hilton turned her release from jail into a little mini-red carpet event. Certainly, arrangements could've been made to have her spirited out of there in secret - but that option was not taken.

Paris appears to be doing her make-up differently. Is this the "New Paris" we've been hearing about? That's probably what becoming a "better person "means to Paris - creating a new fake image to replace the old fake image. She has no clue whatsoever about what real self-improvement is. The best she can manage is a different wardrobe, different look, different hair.



Reminds us a bit of Naomi Campbell's little display as she left the garage in New York. Only Paris is more toned-down in her clothing. Her people told her to appear dignified but not arrogant. She's probably been practicing that in the pokey. Cause the New Paris isn't about entitlement - she's humble, and appreciates all she's been given.



"I ruv you Paris! I take a picture of you and use it when I pull my tiny Oriental peepee. Paris!"



"You're gonna pay me back every cent you little ungrateful cunt. Every...fucking...cent..."

Suri Go Bye Bye

Tom and Suri Cruise leave their hotel in Cap d'Antibes, France. Tom's best PR strategy at this point would be to just keep his dumb yap shut and be photographed holding Suri a lot. Unfortunately, some idea will start rattling around in Reverend Tom's cavernous skull and he'll think he has to tell everyone else about it. So he'll book another interview with Matt Lauer, and make a fool of himself, and his box-office will continue declining - and he'll never figure out that it's all because he's an idiot.

Satan's Jizz Has Done Its Work

Vile murdering CNNHN host Nancy Grace has announced that she's pregnant with twins. Grace, in fact, is four months along - but kept the fact hidden from TV viewers by wearing baggy clothes. Said Grace:

I kept [the pregnancy] quiet because I wanted to make sure all would be healthy. I’ve worn loose-fitting clothes and I guess [audiences] just thought I was getting heavier!

Actually Nancy, we just thought you were getting more and more bloated from all the evil. But congratulations. Must've been some experience, being fucked by Satan. Did it burn a lot? I've heard his dick has spikes on it. But that wouldn't bother you, would it? Your vagina is lined with lead. Of course we all know that fiends like you don't get impregnated in the normal way. You drink the hot devil-jizz down like milk and it takes root in your stomach. Then when you're ready, Satan will come and rip the children right out of you, and take them back to his Satanic kingdom to sit by his side. And then you'll go back to badgering women until they commit suicide. Because you're sick and perverse and diabolical and you have no soul.

(source)

Harvey Levin's Ass-Kissing Pays Off

TMZ editor-in-chief Harvey Levin has been sticking up for Paris Hilton left-and-right - and guess what? Paris noticed. The shameless clods at TMZ have posted the above picture, which Paris allegedly drew in jail, accompanied by an appreciative note to Harvey:



I like how Paris wrote "pay phone" above the pay-phone, and the "Lynwood" sign in the upper-left - she understands about context. Also, I think it's interesting that she depicted herself with big Barbie-doll eyes - and nary a sign of wonk. This apparently is how Paris sees herself, as a bright-eyed dolly. She probably hums the My Little Pony music to herself while she brushes her hair. This is a disturbed individual, I'm telling you.

And as for Harvey Levin - well, I guess he's the new Perez Hilton, right? He's Paris's go-to guy when she needs some positive spin. From now on, TMZ will be pro-Paris. Shameless celebrity ass-kissing does work it appears.

(source)

Paris Goes Home

The changed woman Paris Hilton is out of jail. She probably won't feel all the way back to her old self until she's gotten a faceful.

Paris Free

Paris Hilton has been released from jail. Wolf Blitzer has already begun masturbating.

(source)

Matthew Plays On The Beach

Matthew McConaughey plays frisbee on the beach. Normally I would just concentrate on how hot and sweaty and athletic Matthew looks, but I just can't help wondering something else this time - what exactly is Matthew doing with that frisbee? Cause it sort of looks like he's trying to play volleyball with it. Now, maybe Crabbie is just out of it, but it doesn't seem to me like it would work to play volleyball with a frisbee. It seems like the kind of thing you would try to do while you were high, as a matter of fact.

You don't think Matthew could be high, do you? Our Matthew?

Links - We Got Links

Fat Jack Black totes his fugly baby. Some people really shouldn't procreate. - A Socialite's Life

Nicole Kidman will appear in an ad campaign for Nintendo. I guess Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Jessica Simpson and every other chick named Jessica weren't available. - I'm Not Obsessed

Brooke Hogan may have fake boobs. I'd pursue the matter but I can't stand looking at the bitch long enough to make a proper investigation. - Hollywood Tuna

Tim McGraw - wasted. - Dlisted

Eva Longoria and Tony Parker are getting paid $2 million for their wedding pictures. I'd pay Tony ten bucks to suck me off, and Eva 20 to stand in the corner with her face to the wall. - The Blemish

Paris Hilton's Mercedes has been repossessed. That's okay cause she's not a Mercedes kind of girl anymore. She's changed. - Cele|bitchy

Justin Timberlake spits on his fans. Stop treating your fans the way you treat your girlfriends, Justin. - Celebrity Dirty Laundry

Barbara Walters Has A Short Memory

Barbara Walters is an old fart - so perhaps we should excuse her for not being able to remember so well. Senility and all of that. Stuff she did just a few weeks ago is probably already hazy - like, for example, the phone interview she conducted with Paris Hilton right after Paris entered the pokey. We of course all recall this - how Barbara was supposedly talking with Paris's mom Kathy (an old pal of Barbara's), and Kathy happened to mention that Paris was on the other line, and asked Barbara if she'd like to speak with the jail-bird. Convenient eh? That Barbara - always in the right place at the right time.

Barbara had no problem exploiting that little bit of serendipity (right) by speaking of the conversation on The View. And why should she? She's a journalist, and Paris is a story. If you get some inside dope you have to run with it. Walters has nothing to apologize for. No one would accuse her of seeming exploitative and cheap, would they?

Or maybe they would. Barbara certainly seems to think there is peril involved in continuing to cover this story. According to Page 6 she was offered the chance to interview Paris once she gets out of jail - and declined. Here's Barbara's explanation:

Tawdry. The whole thing somehow was beneath me. Besides, it was a no-win. If I did a tough piece and her tears started to flow, it would be, "Oh, there's Barbara Walters making people cry again." Too soft, and I'd be criticized.

Barbara Walters, in her days as a respected journalist, would have surely been above such a thing as interviewing Paris Hilton. However, we all know that those days are long behind her. She proved this by becoming involved in the whole Rosie O'Donnell/Donald Trump fiasco - and yes, by doing the jail-house interview with Paris. Remember that Barbara? You didn't think it was tawdry then. You didn't think it was beneath you to recount that phone conversation on The View. Oh - but that's right, you're old and half-senile. You probably have forgotten. In that case maybe it's time for you to pack it in. You've got a lawn-chair, a sun-hat and a pair of white slacks waiting for you. And an iced tea and a nice view of the beach. I think it's time for you to segue into that new part of your life, Barbara. You know, the waning years. Let yourself slip into that blissful haze, away from where people can laugh at you and call you a rank hypocrite. Don't allow yourself to get caught up in anymore petty affairs. And whatever you do, don't accept anymore phone calls from Kathy Hilton. She's a plastic-faced hag with a lump of stone for a heart and the morality of a scorpion. No kind of friend for a distinguished and lovely woman like yourself.

(source)

Posh And Becks Get Comfy

Poshy cuddles up to David Beckham. David appears a bit wistful here. Perhaps he's pining for one of his soccer teammates. Thinking about the time he dropped a bar of soap in the shower...



What could David be whispering in Poshy's ear here? I don't know. Maybe he's cleaning her ear-wax with his tongue.

I bet it sounds like two balloons rubbing together every time Poshy moves.

I Feel A Great Disturbance In The Force...

Jennifer Aniston goes to Nobu in Santa Monica. And this is the disguise she chose? The Emperor? Does she shoot lightning out of her fingers? We already know she shoots it from her snatch. Why do you think Brad dumped her? He was sick of getting shocked. His little peepee was turning black and smelled a bit like a hot dog that was left on the grill too long.

Angelina Back To The Routine

Angelina drags the kiddies off to school in Prague. Everyone keeps talking about the state of Angie's arms. Let's focus in shall we?



I think it would be very handy having a map of the London Underground on your arm. You'd never need to wonder how to get from Whitechapel to Hammersmith.

And the tattoo? "Insert needle" in Arabic?



"Godzilla!"

Tom's New Movie

Tom Cruise has a new movie coming out called Lions for Lambs. Apparently it's about the war on terror, and features Tom playing a Senator. Entertainment Tonight has a sneak-peak.

Wow - Robert Redford is really old. He looks almost as worn-out as Brad Pitt.

Paris Gets Another Visitor

Something called Ashley Scott visited Paris in jail this weekend. Here we see Ms. Scott (another dumb starlet who wants to be Angelina apparently) speaking to reporters. Does this broad even know Paris or did she just show up hoping for some free pub? Apparently she and Paris are friends. Scott said it was "hard" seeing Paris because you "can't touch or hug." Duh Ashley - it's jail. Plus why would you want to hug Paris anyway? Don't you have any regard for your health? Ashley also said that Paris is looking forward to eating, and that she "looks gorgeous." The publicity people have apparently given all of Paris's acquaintances the same script to read from, cause Paris always looks gorgeous, and is always looking forward to eating. We know the truth though - Paris looks like shit, and the thing she's looking forward to most is burying her face in some skanky dyke's crotch. Probably Ashley Scott's, as a matter of fact.

(source)

Britney Goes Brunette, Experiences Wild Mood Swings

Britney Spears has gone brunette. I want to know if she had the old nappy blonde extensions replaced or just dyed them. Or perhaps she shaved her head again and what looks like hair is actually her follicles shitting. You know, voiding themselves out of fear?




Britney looks happy here. She's waving to the paps. Sean Preston is all blissed on whatever mommy gave him from her purse. Mommy has lots of little magic things in her purse doesn't she SP?





Oh, things have taken a turn for the worse. Britney is now in an umbrella-brandishing mood. Sean Preston is totally passed-out in the backseat. Your mommy is Sybil, Sean Preston. If I prayed I'd shoot one up to the big man on your behalf. Unfortunately, the fact that your mother is famous sort of proves that there is no big man - just a bunch of sadistic cigarette-smoking monkeys with typewriters.

Reese Didn't Have Time For Jake

Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal have apparently broken up. Were they even going out? I remember hearing some rumors but they kept denying it. Well, whatever sort of relationship they had, it's kaput now. Both are single again. Said a source:

They just recently broke up. It's totally and completely over.

Totally and completely over. Sort of like Ryan Phillippe's movie career. Whatever happened to Ryan anyway? He blew it big-time when he screwed around on Reese. Gravy-training her butt was about the only chance he ever had.

So what went wrong between Reese and Jake anyway? Was he just too much man for her? Was she too much man for him? A source says it was all about Reese being too busy:

Reese was the one who had to do it. She just got out of a divorce and was so concerned with her family, she just didn't have the time for him and he really demanded that.

Translation: Jakey started getting clingy, and Reese who just got divorced didn't want to get saddled with another serious thing. I guess that's understandable. Reese wants to play around a little before committing to someone new. You know, release her inner-slut. Do an Aniston. Juggle about ten boyfriends.

Speaking of Aniston...should she not now pounce on Jake? I would if I were her. Hell, I would if I were me. And I am. Kind of.

(source)

Paris's House Hit By Vandals

This makes me sad. Parisexposed.com spray-painting the name of their dumb exploitative website on the outside of Paris's house. Crabbie remembers when graffiti used to mean something. It was a personal statement or a political one, not just shameless self-promotion.

The world I knew is dead.

Demi Shows Boob

Gratuitous attention-grabbing displays are not only for the young. Way to go Demi - you almost made it look accidental.

Her Holiness Disembarks

Angelina returns to Prague after a short trip elsewhere. Brad flies with the luggage, in one of those little dog-carriers.

Pirate Doof Scares Off Hilton

Kathy Hilton went to visit Paris again yesterday. Outside the jail she talked to the press, quipping "Paris is tired of orange." Then some nutty fan who's been camped out there, dressed as a pirate, approached Kathy and she fled. Can't blame her. Pirates are all horny fuckers.

Doherty And Moss Do Their Paul And Linda Thing Again

Cokehead Kate Moss joins Pete Doherty and his band Babyshambles during the Glastonbury Festival. Kate and Pete reportedly received a big ovation when they kissed during the song "La belle et le bete," which Kate often duets with Doherty on. I get shivers just thinking about it myself. But then I also get the shivers sometimes when I have the runs.



Doesn't Pete look the picture of health here? Not pale and sickly at all. And Kate - so glamorous. Sigh.

Foxy Brown Attacked, Weave Torn Out

Rapper Foxy Brown was viciously attacked yesterday by three women, allegedly at the prompting of her ex-boyfriend, whom Brown had broken up with only a short time before. Reportedly, Brown became angry with the unidentified boyfriend after finding out he was a pimp, and jettisoned him during a heated 5:30 am exchange in Brooklyn. The boyfriend then allegedly called some of his "girls" to get after Foxy. An eyewitness gives their account of the ensuing ass-whupping:

They beat her bad. They ripped out her hair weave. Her hair was a mess - and that seems to be what she cared about most.

The three women also allegedly tore out Foxy's hearing-aid (she suffers from a sensorineural condition), and stole her handbag plus $500 in cash. Brown drove around with police after the incident, and pointed out an individual identified as Roshawn Anthony, who was arrested and charged with assault. It is not clear yet what role Anthony played in the beating, though TMZ is in fact identifying him as Brown's boyfriend. Brown's reps reportedly arrived on the scene shortly after this, and Brown at that point ceased cooperating with police.

Foxy, whose real name is Inga Marchand, has had her own run-ins with the law. In 1997, at the age of 17, Brown spat on two hotel workers in Raleigh, North Carolina, and subsequently missed a court appearance - which resulted in her receiving a 30-day suspended sentence and 80 hours of community service. In 2000, she was arrested for driving with a suspended license after crashing her Range Rover; and in Kingston, Jamaica in 2002 she was arrested for an altercation with a policewoman, and was kicked out of the country forever after again missing a court appearance. In 2005 Brown was charged with misdemeanor assault over a 2004 incident in which she attacked a pair of manicurists after refusing to pay a $20 bill. During a court appearance related to that case, Brown had an incident with the judge which led to her being handcuffed to a bench. The judge ultimately sentenced her to probation. Then, early this year, there was another incident in a beauty salon: Brown was informed that the establishment was closing but she refused to leave, and threw hair glue at an employee. She then allegedly spat on a man who was trying to call 911. A police officer arrived at the shopping plaza, but when he tried leading Brown away she struggled with him and the officer was forced to wrestle her to the ground. She was charged with battery and released on bail. When she failed to make a court appearance (again) a warrant was issued for her arrest. She finally did appear before the judge, and a trial date was set for June. She continues to be on probation over the 2004 manicurist attack, and has been threatened with a one year jail sentence if she violates it again.

Tore out her hearing-aid - ha ha.

(source)

A Poorly Thought-Out Theater Marquee

Paris To Appear On Larry King

NBC pulled the plug on its planned Paris Hilton post-jail interview, and ABC and CBS have decided to pass on featuring the reformed party-slut too. So who does that leave? Yup - Larry King.

Wednesday night, the venerable hunchback and his gay suspenders will spend an entire hour talking to Paris Hilton. It boggles my mind that anyone could come up with an hour's worth of questions to ask that stupid bitch, but I guess that's why Larry's who he is.

Here's the statement Paris's people released, expressing Paris's happiness about landing the King interview:

I am thrilled that Larry King has asked me to appear on his program to discuss my experience in jail, what I have learned, how I have grown and anything else he wants to talk about. Larry King is not only a world-renowned journalist, but a true American Icon. It will be an honor to do his show.

Paris has absolutely no idea who Larry King is of course. I hope her people warn her about his roving hands. Knowing that old lech he'll probably try to marry the bitch.

(source)

At Least Someone Will Talk To The Bitch...

Pants-pissing pop-star Fergie has told Self magazine of her terrible experiences as a meth user - including the time she thought there was a little tiny person inside her hamper. Says the fugalicious one:

I remember thinking somebody was inside of [the hamper], going to come and get me, so I was talking to the person who was crawling in the hamper.

Oh Fergie, you're priceless - thinking there was someone coming to get you. Don't you know no one wants you in any way, shape or form? Except that Josh Duhamel guy - and let's face it, he's only trying to advance his career by fucking you. A plan that makes no sense whatsoever.

Fergie goes on to talk about how meth-use negatively impacted her social-life:

There came a point when I didn't even want to go to clubs anymore because I wasn't attractive . . . My speech patterns were sentence fragments.

But now you're a beauty who possesses an exquisite command of the English language. And can't be bothered to use a toilet when she needs to piss.

(source)

Paris Longs To Moisturize

Paris Hilton gets out of jail on Tuesday, and reportedly she's already decided what she's going to do first - get a facial. Said a source:

She has a facialist coming to her house in the Hollywood Hills and doing a private skin treatment.

No, she isn't going to have someone jerk-off into her face. You guys are sick for even thinking that.

I do feel for Paris though. Being in that cold jail cell must really dry you out. She's probably more dessicated than Poshy's snatch by this point. That's Nazca Desert stuff right there.

(source)

Brandon Davis Makes People Sick

Oily heir Brandon Davis was seen in Miami last week with a new girlfriend, some large-breasted chick named Caroline (hooker). Creepy Brandon and his squishy squeeze reportedly spent an entire evening at club Prive making-out - and making everyone around them sick. Said a Page 6 source:

It was gross.

Yes, but look at the bright side: Paris will be out soon, so Brandon can quit the revolting PDAs and return to his favorite hobby: berating Paris's friends and birthday party guests.

(source)

World's Ugliest Dog Contest

First-place:




Second-place:



I hate myself. I truly do.

It's Like Seeing Bigfoot...

No, it's not the elusive Sasquatch - it's Jayden James Federline Spears Whatever The Hell. Britney picked him up long enough to have this picture taken - then made a sour face and handed him to the nanny. Big stars like Britney shouldn't have to deal with poopy pants - including her own.

Diaz Offends Nation Of Peru

Cameron Diaz has touched off a minor international incident - by sporting the wrong accessory.

While visiting Peru this week, Diaz was seen carrying a trendy bag emblazoned with Maoist symbols, and the slogan "Serve the People" - one of murdering fiend Mao Zedong's favorite sayings. Ms. Diaz may have only thought she was being hip - but the people of Peru, who suffered for years during a Maoist guerrilla insurgency, did not think her accessory was very cool. Said a Peruvian human rights activist:

[The slogan] alludes to a concept that did so much damage to Peru, that brought about so many victims. ... I don't think she should have used that bag where the followers of that ideology did so much damage.

This story reveals, strikingly, the perils of mingling fashion and politics. One person's trendy look is another's heartbreaking reminder of death and mayhem - which is the main reason these asshole fashion designers should stop putting things like Maoist sayings, and pictures of people like Mao on their clothing, accessories etc., (never mind the crass-minded lameness of reducing a major historical figure to a logo and selling it to retarded fashionistas).

I ask you, fashion-people - where is your vaunted sensitivity? Or are we only supposed to feel "sensitive" toward people/ideas that have been officially sanctioned by magazine editors and other so-called "taste-makers." Should we reserve none of our thoughtfulness for people who may have had their lives destroyed by cruel dictators and/or their worldwide devotees? Why not just cover t-shirts with pictures of Hitler or Idi Amin? What a bunch of vile hypocrites these people are, with their endless preaching about "caring" for things. Apparently, caring does not matter when someone has a "cool" idea for a line of bags for rich people. Sensitivity goes out the window when the bottom-line is at stake.

None of this excuses Ms. Diaz, who is a featherhead, but nonetheless responsible for the bag she totes. Grow up Cameron, and learn something about the world instead of just treating it like your personal playground. Those people who delight you with their "nativeness" are human beings too, with feelings. Going to their country is not like going to SeaWorld - you're not gaping and giggling at a bunch of trained animals. They live there. Bad things have happened to their people in the past. Crack a book, you silly, zit-faced whore.

(source)

Jolie Says She's Not A Bad Mother

Angelina Jolie is defending herself against accusations that her constant globe-hopping is keeping her too much away from her children. Said Angelina:

I do no service to my children by staying home and allowing the world to be what it is. That's not teaching them anything, it's not raising them properly.

"Allowing the world to be what it is." Well, I think that just about says it all, doesn't it? Angelina thinks that if she stops running around the world for photo-ops, the whole thing will just unravel entirely. That is how self-important and egomaniacal this woman is. It reminds me of something someone once said about humanitarian and lousy father Charlie Chaplin - that he was good at embracing millions but rotten at loving one person at a time. That's Angelina. She's great with sentiment and grand "meaningful" gestures but when it comes to a nice, simple emotional connection she's hopeless. I honestly don't think she really loves her kids - because that kind of love is too prosaic and not worthy of her. What she really wants is to be worshipped, preferably by lots of suffering people who view her as a savior/goddess. She is sick in the head, that's all there is to it.

(source)

Paris Hilton's Handwriting Broken Down

An expert has analyzed Paris Hilton's handwriting in that letter she sent to a fan from jail. The conclusion? Paris is a shy idiot - a borderline retard in fact - who only pretends to be friendly and personable. And her signature bears a resemblance to Michael Jackson's. Seriously. This is not a joke. Go here and read it.

Linky Friday

Eddie Murphy is officially the father of Mel B.'s baby. A big round of applause for Eddie's sperm. - The Dirty Disher

Rosie O'Donnell has met with the producers of The Price is Right about taking over for Bob Barker. What's next? Jeopardy replacing Alex Trebek with Kathy Griffin? Tic-Tac-Dough with Carrot Top? - A Socialite's Life

John Travolta says dancing with Princess Diana revived his career. And appearing in drag in Hairspray has apparently killed it again, if the reviews are any indication. - Agent Bedhead

The Spice Girls are getting back together. Their fans are all thirty years old now. Ginger looks about fifty. - Popsugar

Mena Suvari wears a tiny bikini, holds hands with a doofus. - Gabby Babble

Britney Goes To Petco

Britney went to Petco to buy a parakeet. The people behind her appear unimpressed. They're used to skanky hos with nappy extensions coming in. Ain't no thang to them.



The back-view.

Lindsay's New Hobby

Lindsay Lohan has taken up boxing. She just pretends the target is Brandon Davis's face. "Call me Firecrotch, will you? Take that Fat Elvis!"

Dopes Who Care

Courteney Cox and David Arquette at the OmniPeace launch party at Kitson Men in L.A. You can tell they care because they have cool logos on their shirts.

Hayden Likes Playing With Wii

Hayden Panettiere enjoys some Wii with Heroes co-star Masi Oka at the game release party for Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. God - what geeks.



Weirdest...orgasm...face...ever...

Battlin' Lohans

Dina and Michael Lohan have begun long-overdue divorce proceedings in a Long Island court. Outside the courtroom today, Dina's security dude Ty Dux talked shit about Michael, then Michael shot back by accusing Dux of being in cahoots with Dina's brother Paul Sullivan, whom Michael has accused of driving a wedge between himself and Lindsay (who remains blissfully far away from the nonsense, in rehab, happy as a clam).

Paris's Shrink A Fake?

Radar Online has unearthed some juicy tidbits about Dr. Charles Sophy, the psychiatrist who convinced Paris's Hilton's jailers that she was too disturbed to remain incarcerated and should be released to house-arrest (a move that was later overturned by angry judge Michael Sauer). For one, it turns out Sophy is not an M.D. - he is a D.O. or doctor of osteopathy; a distinction some say is actually irrelevant given the training D.O.'s receive. However, Sophy often identifies himself as an M.D. - perhaps because he feels this is a more distinguished title.

Another little fib Sophy's been telling regards his position at UCLA. Sophy's website used to identify him as "an Associate Clinical Professor at the UCLA Neuro-Psychiatric Institute." Radar found out, however, that Sophy was never more than an unpaid clinical volunteer at that institution, and far from an Associate Professor of anything. Sophy tacitly admitted bending the truth when, after being confronted with his lie by Radar, he changed his website to reflect his actual status.

Sophy's rather loose sense of the truth has come to light in high-profile celebrity cases before. During the Michael Jackson child molestation trial in 2003, Sophy, in his capacity as medical director of L.A. County's Department of Children and Family Services, received a memo detailing an examination of Jackson's alleged victim and the finding that allegations of abuse were "unfounded." This confidential memo somehow found its way to the media - and was used by Mr. Jackson's attorneys to help exonerate their client. Sophy still denies leaking the memo himself.

***

Mr. Sophy would appear to have quite a history of using his medical credentials to help celebs get out of trouble, wouldn't he? Wonder how much Rick and Kathy paid him to lie about Paris's condition.

(source)

Angie Impressed With Brad's Manliness

Angelina Jolie says she was impressed the first time she met Brad Pitt - because she had always assumed that he was nothing but a vapid pretty-boy. Angie soon learned, however, that Brad is "more man than any man" she's ever met.

Angelina goes on gushing about Brad:

I wouldn't have, from a distance, said, "That's a man who would be an amazing, dedicated father," or "That's a man who truly loves helping people or whom I'd love to talk politics with." He's a lot more than people assume he is.

You must have to get close to Brad to see him as this interesting, complex person - because from afar he just appears to be a sad monkey who's lost every last shred of free-will and can do nothing but dance in a tutu while the organ-grinder turns the crank. And it's all because of you, Angelina, you soul-sucking gorgon.

(source)

Amy Does Glastonbury

Amy Winehouse performs at the Glastonbury festival. What's with the Marilyn Monroe pose Amy? Oh, I see - you have to take a pee. Well, just go ahead and do a Fergie right there on stage. I'm sure it won't be the first time you've been soaked in piss. At least it will be your own for once...

Peaches Hippie Girl

Peaches Geldof opts for hippie-hair and rubber boots at the Glastonbury Music Festival. She's lame, but the guy she's talking to appears delish. And Crabbie's got a pair of boots just like that. He'd be happy to take a picture of himself wearing them - and nothing else - and send it to Peaches's friend.

Lindsay Takes A Spin

Lindsay Lohan is really enjoying herself in rehab. Here we see her out at Venice Beach taking a spin on an adult tricycle. She managed not to crash it, you'll be happy to hear. See - she is getting better.




Lindsay may have finally discovered a caring and nuturing environment in Promises. Insiders report that after some initial reticence, she is beginning to open up to the other patients about her life. One thing she's talking about is her relationships with men, and why she bounces from one boyfriend to the next like a nasty, smelly pinball:

She’s admitted that most of her problems stem from the men in her life, specifically her father Michael. ... He hasn’t been there for her. She knows her problems with her father transfer to her problems with her boyfriends [and] that she tries to keep relationships sexual so they won’t get too intimate. Then she feels lonely.

And here's what Lindsay reportedly says about her drinking:

She needs alcohol to go out and be social. She thinks it’s hard to make friends in L.A and she needs a few drinks to loosen up, [she is] uncomfortable most of the time when she’s out partying and the alcohol eases her anxiety.

So let's sum up, shall we? Lindsay Lohan is a slut because her father didn't show her enough love, and she drinks because she wants to fit in. Yup - Lindsay's learning a lot in rehab. These new, psychobabbly excuses will serve her well. She'll even be able to teach a few of them to Dina. Thank you pathetic insecure people and your lame rationalizations.

(source)

Get The Poor Fool A Rocking Chair...

This is the first picture of Harrison Ford on the set of the new Indiana Jones. I believe this one is being called Indiana Jones and the Dog-Track of Doom. Or maybe Indiana Jones and the Great Bursitis Attack. I don't know. All I'm sure of is that Harrison Ford is way too old to be running around engaging in all sorts of swashbuckling. It makes me think of poor old Clark Gable trying to prove he was still a man by tussling with a wild horse on the set of The Misfits, and dying of a delayed heart attack. They needed to hire someone younger to play Indiana Jones - maybe somebody who was only pushing sixty. Indiana Jones should be cracking whips, not cracking hips.

(source)

Paris Talks To Seacrest, Gets Over Big-Time

Jailed media whore Paris Hilton has told Ryan Seacrest in a phone interview that she's sick of being made fun of, and has reiterated how she intends making better use of her fame once she is released. Paris also says that being deprived of life's luxuries has made her more appreciative of how good she has it:

I’m so much more grateful for everything that I have, even just to have a pillow at night or food. You know my gratitude has gone up so much and I just realize that the media used me to make fun of and be mean about it. Frankly [I’m] sick of it and I want to use my fame in a good way. I am behind glass and I want to give my dad a big hug and they won’t even let me do that. That’s how the rules are, you have to be behind glass. I’m not a criminal, I’m not dangerous, so it makes me feel like that. It’s hard but I’m stronger everyday. I just can’t wait to see my family and have a nice meal and be in my own bed and appreciate all the things I took for granted and never really thought much about.

Paris will begin "using her fame in a good way" by accepting a million dollars from NBC for an exclusive interview. She will also reportedly receive $300,000 from Getty for the right to take the first pictures of her post-incarceration, those pictures to run in People magazine along with her first print interview. That's way more than Perez used to pay her to pretend to be his friend, I can tell you that.

(source)

Goin' For A Walk

The Jolie-Pitts are back in Prague. Brad is wearing a Britney-hat. Maddox has another crazy hair-do. Angelina's legs are now as ugly and freakish as her arms. They're trying oh-so-hard to seem normal, but we know the truth don't we? Yes we do.

Linkalooloos

Kate Beckinsale's husband strokes her ass for the cameras. Well, someone has to. - Celebrity Dirty Laundry

Kelly Clarkson wants us to feel sorry for her because she used to be bulimic. We already feel sorry for you Kelly - for being Kelly Clarkson. - I'm Bringing Blogging Back

A fashion maven has called Poshy's new denim line "cheap." Poshy cheap? Come on - that's crazy-talk. - I Don't Like You In That Way

Jimmy Kimmel was rushed to the hospital for an emergency appendectomy. Now if they could only find the thing that makes him so unfunny and remove that. - Seriously? OMG! WTF?

Jennifer Garner needs to put some clothes on. Seriously. Now Jen. Before anymore innocent wildlife die of disgust. - Hollywood Tuna

Debra Messing dresses like a bottle of birthday booze. - Go Fug Yourself

Perez pretends he's not shitting bricks. Yes Perez - go fuck the pain away. And while you're at it, go fuck yourself. - Perez Hilton (or what's left of it)

Doodoo Gets Deeper For Perezzito

Is Perez Hilton.com about to be a thing of the past?

The gossip blog that paved the way for a million cheap imitators (including the one you're reading right now) is in a world of hurt thanks to the numerous lawsuits facing its creator, former publicist Mario Lavandeira. Legal pressure even forced the site's host, Crucial Paradigm, to drop it - leaving the internet's most popular celebrity dirt destination temporarily out of commission (it has since come back on-line).

Perez is currently the subject of four lawsuits from various photo agencies, all of whom claim the blogger has made millions largely through the unlicensed reproduction of their pictures. Crucial Paradigm's decision to jettison Perez came after lawyers for photo agency X17 put the screws to them over Perez's repeated unlawful use of their images on his site. Said X17's co-owner Francois Navarre:

It's the first victory, and we put a lot of work into trying to get this to happen. ... It's a precedent that's huge. When we were talking to Crucial Paradigm they were saying they were not responsible, dragging their feet. We had to threaten them and show them they were liable. His new host is Blogads, and we're contacting them already.

X17's strong-arm tactics against Perez's webhost could have a chilling effect on the lucrative (for some) business of celebrity blogging. Now, bloggers may face the prospect of losing their hosting should they repeatedly violate copyrights. This could be devastating to blogs that rely mainly on stolen and altered images, as Perez's does. People who can actually write should be okay though.

(source)

Reverend Tom Sits One Out

These are pictures from Alfred Packer's big wedding in the South of France. We can clearly see Tom Cruise sitting with the guests and not performing the service as we had been told he would. Kind of a rip-off - I was hoping for video of Tom reading crazy extra-terrestrial Scientology shit and everyone in the place snickering. Guess I'll have to console myself by making jokes about Tom's elevator shoes, fifteen-dollar hair-cut and sagging movie career.

What The Hell Is Kelly Clarkson Doing?

I don't know what Kelly Clarkson is doing in this picture, but I do know the dude in the blue shirt looks in no hurry to climb in there with her.

Guess it's back to the shower massager for old Kelly.

Sharon Stone Is A Wacky Old Broad

Sharon Stone attends the Shanghai Film Festival. Obviously Sharon has given up even trying anymore - and I think that's kinda cool. More women of a certain age should embrace their menopausal craziness and just say fuck it all. We're looking at you right now Madonna. You don't see Sharon dressing like she's auditioning for a role on some new Nickelodeon show about a spunky pre-teen private detective do you? No. Sharon knows she's old and nuts - and she isn't afraid to run with that.

Someone Help Renee Zellweger - Now

At first I thought someone had pranked Sarah Jessica Parker by throwing a dress on a plastic Halloween skeleton and propping it up next to her - but no, that's actually Renee Zellweger. I think the look on Sarah Jessica's face says it all, doesn't it? "Get this freak away from me please. Oh my God - she's touching me."

Renee, sweetheart - we love you. All right that's an exaggeration. We like you - kinda. Anyway we have a basic human sympathy for you, and this makes us wish you would get some help for your little problem. You know, the one that makes your collarbones look like they're about to pop through your skin? Yeah - not sexy. Even people who have a weird fetish for anos are sicking themselves right now. Seriously Renee - you're gross. Go to a clinic or whatever you have to do. Just get help honey. Cause we don't want to have to look at you. You make us sad.

Suri Tries To Flee. Zombie Mom Holds Her Back.

Suri's eyeing that water isn't she? She'd rather live with fish and seaweed than those two screwballs who call themselves her parents.

A Letter From Paris

Paris Hilton has been filling her empty jail hours by writing letters to fans. One of said fans has betrayed Hilton by sending her letter to E!, who have of course put it up on the web. Here is the letter:

What is my favorite part of this charming if somewhat childish missive? It would have to be this line:

And the letters I'm recieving [sic] really do put a smile on my face as I sit here in my cell, sad and alone.

Somehow, Paris Hilton has convinced herself that she's Nelson Mandela languishing for years in a dank, dreary cell. What the hell has it been - two weeks? And for a lot of that time she's been in various medical wards being fed Lean Cuisine and watching TV. But she's "sad and alone." Dear God would someone slit this bitch's throat?

(source)

Basket O' Links

Pete Doherty sings Dick Van Dyke. This is allegedly poignant. Makes me want to blow chunks. - Agent Bedhead

Larry Birkhead is getting married. To a woman. A human woman. One with a vagina and everything. - Gabby Babble

Jessica Biel hugs Justin Timberlake's mom. Dykes. - Popsugar

Maria Menounos wants people looking at her boobs. Because then they're not concentrating on how much they don't care about her. - Egotastic!

Phoebe Price is an ugly bitch. - Go Fug Yourself

Someone needs to whack Carmine Gotti. Now. - A Socialite's Life

Claire kisses the infamous Mr. Bennett. You know, her dad. Yeah, kisses her own dad. Well, TV dad. Still...kinda gross. - Dlisted

What Is Zach Braff Trying To Tell Us?

Zach Braff enjoys some bench-time with girlfriend Shiri Appleby. I know you're trying to be clever Zach, but no one thinks you are. If the sign said "doofus" or "untalented hack," it would be more appropriate.

Aguilera Pregnant

Christina Aguilera is reportedly knocked up. This comes as a great shock to those who assumed her womb was too polluted for anything but very hardy forms of mold to take root there.

Said an individual close to the revolting pop-star:

She's been telling friends ... she has to be three months now, because she's announcing it.

Okay, so the next question is obvious - who's the father? Oh I know, she's married to that Bratman character, but come on - do you honestly believe she's only been sleeping with that guy? This bitch has had more dicks in her than Perez's rashy asshole. God knows which of them actually did the sperminating. Considering how diseased Aguilera's reproductive organs must be, only an alien probably has sperm strong enough to do the deed. Or maybe Kevin Federline.

(source)

Lohan Extending Rehab Stay

Lindsay Lohan was supposed to get out of rehab at the end of this week, but sources say the actress intends to extend her stay beyond this, and may not be out in time to celebrate her 21st birthday on July 2. Said a Lohan insider:

She is staying in Promises for longer than a month. We don't know how much longer because of her work schedule, but she is taking rehab very seriously this time and not messing around.

Uh-huh. Or maybe she's just enjoying the vacation from the paps and her mother and her imbecile father. Let's face it, Lindsay's life is hectic. Even she would have to get burned out at some point. Sorry, but I don't buy the idea that Lindsay's found the Lord and just wants to get well. She's figured out some way to get stuff inside the rehab joint, and is treating it like a spa. Plus, she thinks it's good for her image to appear to be walking the straight and narrow. She saw what happened to Paris, and she's got her own DUI charges staring her in the face. She probably thinks this will make a good impression on a judge somewhere down the road. She's a little faker and she's probably getting loaded in Promises. Plus her people have already figured out a way to keep the money PURE was paying her for her cancelled 21st birthday bash. Bitch has all the angles figured.

(source)

I Admit - This Is Cute

I normally hate Tom Cruise, and babies even worse. So the two of them together is something I would under most circumstances have a terrible aversion to. But this picture...okay, that's adorable. Sorry. Even the Crabster can't resist that.

Jess And Trainer - There's Definitely Something Going On

There's no doubt in my mind - something's going on between Jessica Simpson and her sexy trainer. They just have that we're fucking look about them. Plus Jessica is reportedly in great shape. I would be too, if that guy was counting my sit-ups.

Jolie Not As Sorry As She Says

Angelina Jolie has apologized for outrageous restrictions placed on the press during her recent publicity activities for her movie A Mighty Heart, including the outright banning of FOX News from the premiere. The actress, who ironically plays a crusading journalist in the film, laid blame at the feet of her lawyers, claiming they were overzealous in protecting her privacy. However, Angelina's efforts at controlling coverage have not ended. Page 6 reports that, during Angie's junket at the Waldorf-Astoria last Friday, the publications US Weekly and Life & Style (the latter of which has become notorious for printing wild speculations about Angie's personal life) were kept out entirely, while notedly pro-Jolie mags People and OK! were given full access. Furthermore, an inside source has shot down Angie's claim that she had nothing personal to do with the FOX News banning and the subsequent requirement that interviewers agree in writing not to ask her personal questions. Said the source:

Angelina is a control freak. She knows everything that goes and is very hands-on. It's unbelievable to me that she wouldn't know exactly what was going on at all times.

Of course no one believes for a second that Angelina would leave all this up to her lawyers and publicity people. She is all about control, especially as regards her image - and lately that image has been coming under fire, especially from gossip mags and blogs. She needs to counter this by manipulating what's written and said about her as much as possible. She simply doesn't want anyone asking uncomfortable personal questions - however, she crossed a line when she started imposing restrictions on the press, and it must've been made clear to her by someone in her camp that antagonizing the media when you're trying to sell a movie is a bad idea. So she backed off. She went on The Daily Show to be "interviewed" by Jon Stewart, who is a personal friend, and he conveniently asked her about the press controversy - setting her up for her oh-so-earnest apology. It's clear however that the apology wasn't sincere - it was just damage control. The pattern has been set by Jolie now - she doesn't want anymore negative coverage, and will prevent it in any way she is able.

This would not be an issue at all, perhaps, if Jolie had not been going around acting as an advocate for press freedom in the wake of her Mighty Heart role. The problem with a lot of these celebs is that they're not content to merely take on a role in a film like this - they must identify personally with whatever message they think the character's story represents, hence acquiring some of the character's nobility. Jolie played this game with the Mariane Pearl role, but failed to recognize the position this would put her in. She set herself up to look like a hypocrite. It's a bit ironic - someone so concerned with image making such an obvious gaffe. Makes you wonder if Angie is actually as smart as she wants us to think she is. Or maybe it's just her own ego at work. She's become so convinced of her unerring rightness that she's unable to see why anyone would object to anything she does. It comes as an actual shock to her when someone criticizes her. Her response, however, is not to sincerely apologize then stop the offensive behavior - it's to re-adjust her strategy in a way that makes her controlling activities less obvious. This whole episode only proves again what we already knew - that Angelina is a conniving, phony bitch.

(source)

Pam Scares Dogs

Why does this poor dog look so terrified?

A. It is allergic to silicone.
B. It's flashing back to when it was nearly smothered to death by a tranny.
C. Pam's reputation as a dog-raper precedes her.
D. It smells Tommy Lee, and instinctively wants to run and have a bath.
E. The last time Pam petted him he had a rash for three weeks.

Chris Matthews Swears On The Air

Lay off the sauce Chrissy.

Amy Winehouse Grosses Us Out Again

Amy Winehouse apparently enjoys being the most revolting woman on the face of the earth. Here she taunts us by sucking face with her equally-icky husband after the Mofo Awards or whatever. The chick next to her has apparently witnessed this particular spectacle before and wants no part of a repeat performance.



Of course Amy must then glower at the camera - just to let us know she's totally rock and roll. Those camera lenses are expensive Amy - should you really be breaking them like that?



A close-up of Amy's boogery nose - just cause...

Katie And Suri Go For A Dip Without The Dip

Katie Holmes hits the beach in France - without Tom.

Who am I kidding? Of course Tom is there. He's got a little personal submarine with a periscope and he's watching her. Think he'd really let Katie go to the beach alone? Fat chance.

Lindsay's Found The Lord

Lindsay Lohan's father Michael says his wayward daughter is on the path to recovery - and it's all thanks to Jesus. Quoth Michael:

Lindsay has found this righteous path because she's going to church and that's a good sign.

Yes, church will save Lindsay Lohan. Just as it did Mel Gibson. Never see that guy getting drunk and crazy anymore.

Have we all had about enough of these self-righteous assholes insisting they're no longer creeps because they've started pretending to believe in God? Go away Michael. And take your idiot daughter with you.

(source)

Bai Ling Been Dancing Long Time

My God - someone's riddling Bai Ling with bullets! Oh wait, she's trying to dance...

Biel Arrives In Stockholm

Jessica Biel arrives in Stockholm to meet up with boyfriend Justin Timberlake who is currently on-tour. Apparently, whenever Justin gets a little itch he just calls Jessica and she comes and sits on his dick and everything is all better. Of course, recently Justin denied having anything but a nice friendly feeling for Jessica, and said he doesn't really want her on tour with him:

She truly insisted that she came with me on tour. I don't know how to say no to a pretty face. But it wasn't really a good idea. This time I'm putting the machine before everything else. Jessica met up with me in Manchester, but for Paris I told her categorically no. This tour is very important for me. I'm doing it really seriously so there's no question of playing sweethearts.

He doesn't know how to say no to an ass that looks like two basketballs wrapped in spandex. Typical man Justin. All talk.

Like A Really Old, Ugly Tween

Someone needs to explain to Madonna that she's pushing fifty and should no longer be dressing like she's headed to Dakota Fanning's house for a birthday party. Seriously - what do you think would happen if Madonna knocked on Dakota's door? They'd think she was a witch and chase her off with a fire extinguisher. "Be gone wizened old pseudo-British hag. We want none of your bland disco music and tired Dietrich-wannabe stage antics here."

More Damon/Affleck Lameness

Matt Damon and Ben Affleck hang ten or whatever they call it when people crawl onto those silly surfboards and play shark-bait. Um - is Matt worried about Ben there or is he checking out Ben's ass? Or both? And where's Jennifer here? Getting head from the cabana boy I reckon. Matt will want some of that later, maybe Ben too.

Doing It For Brad?

Brad Pitt's mother Jane is pictured sneaking into Jennifer Aniston's house. Yes, I said sneaking. The big bald dude is apparently one of Brad's bodyguards - so does that mean the meeting had Brad's blessing? Or are even Brad's bodyguards in league against him?

What sort of things did Jane and Jen discuss during their get-together? I'm guessing the subject of Angelina Jolie came up. And also the possibility of staging some kind of intervention on Brad's behalf. He needs it. He's like a junkie - except he's addicted to Angie's poon, which is way worse. Somebody needs to talk some sense into this boy before the last shreds of his youth are wasted. Jane and Jen to the rescue! Or perhaps Underdog!

Fergie Visits TRL

Fergie wedges into the TRL photobooth with some little happy tart. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want to be stuck in any confined space with Fergie for long. Imagine the shit-reek. Plus Fergie freaking out because she hasn't had a hit of meth in ten minutes. And then just having to look at her. I think that might be one of the lower levels of hell, below having your balls slowly roasted then eaten by demons.

Tom And Katie Arrive In France

Reverend Tom Cruise and his obedient wife Kate have arrived in France for the big Jeff Packer wedding, which Cruise will reportedly be presiding over in his capacity as Operating Thetan high priest Scientologist jerk-off whatever. I have to say - Katie looks really hot there. Tom unfortunately still looks like a little kid his mommy dressed up and took to dinner at the fancy restaurant. Tom wanted Chuck E. Cheese!




Has Katie had her lips worked on? Plus why does she look creepy and intense yet mildly retarded? I'm scared of her. Mommy?

Watts About To Pop

How far along is Naomi Watts? Seems like she's been pregnant for several years. I think she's about to pop anyway - it looks like she's packed a couple bags and is headed to the hospital. Liev looks really helpful there too. Bet he's one of those douchey fuckers who gets all emotional in the delivery room. Fuck ever happened to the father waiting at the nearest tavern for the news, then handing out cigars to the barflies after getting the phone call? Doesn't anyone live like a '50s movie anymore? Are there no more men in gray flannel suits?

Brad Pitt's Mind Has Gone

Brad Pitt on hanging out with Angelina Jolie and Mariane Pearl (the crusading journalist Angie plays in A Mighty Heart):

Being in the room with those two women is great fun. It's like sitting down with Roosevelt and Churchill – only much better-looking.

I knew a couple women named Roosevelt and Churchill. Florence Roosevelt who swept floors in my old building until she had a sudden stroke and tumbled down six flights of stairs, and Imogen Churchill who used to give piano lessons and everyone said she was a lesbian. Maybe Brad meant them. Or, maybe the poor kid has just completely lost his grip. Or perhaps he's just really, really stupid.

(source)

I'm Outta Here...

When's the next plane to Mars?

Lohan Nixes Big 21st Birthday Bash

Lindsay Lohan has reportedly cancelled her 21st Birthday celebration, which was set to be held at PURE in Las Vegas. Lohan had apparently already been paid by the club for her appearance, but rather than just give back the money, her people want to keep it, and use it against a future gig.

Lohan's reps say the party was cancelled because Lindsay is focusing on getting well. Right. And I'm focusing on getting some pussy.

(source)

Roberts Pumps Out Another Poop-Machine

Actress Julia Roberts has given birth to a boy, Henry Daniel Moder. The mother is said to be resting comfortably, and the child is said to be glad it wasn't named Ambrose or Menelaus.

(source)

Lame-O Getaway

Matt Damon, Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck enjoy a holiday in Hawaii. Remember how cool people thought Matt and Ben were back about ten years ago? Now they look like they should be hanging around a barbecue grill sucking brewskis and talking about aluminum siding.

By the way - why does Ben look like he has a huge erection sticking way out to the side of his shorts? Is his penis like a phototropic plant growing toward the sun? Or maybe it's just pointing away from Jennifer. Like Captain Jack's magic compass - except this one leads you away from what you want least.

Angelina Hates George Clooney

Angelina Jolie is not a big George Clooney fan. According to the National Enquirer, Jolie thinks George is some kind of bad influence on her kept-man Brad Pitt:

Angelina hates the whole Ocean's 13 - Rat Pack phenomenon. She can't stand the boys gang thing, which is why she's never liked George Clooney. ... She was always afraid that when Brad was in Las Vegas filming Ocean's Clooney was trying to lead him astray.

This may sound like mere insane jealousy on Angie's part, but I think she has good reason to worry. If anything in this world will convince Brad that he's wasting his life with her, having fun with George and the rest of his buddies will do it. The more time Brad spends with Clooney, the closer he will come to realizing that he doesn't really want to go back to Angelina. One of these days I suspect Brad will leave with George and simply not come back. And then I don't know what Angie will do - shoot fire out of her snatch maybe, or adopt fifteen more kids and move to some shithole in Africa which she will rename Angelinaland and rule like Brando in The Island of Dr. Moreau. Either way it won't be pretty. Except for Brad, who will be off fucking Thai hookers.

(source)

Tom Cruise To Perform Scientology Wedding

Tom Cruise has risen to the highest level of enlightenment within the sham that is Scientology, meaning he is now qualified to perform weddings. And billionaire and Scientology benefactor James Packer has already procured Mr. Cruise's marrying services for when he weds girlfriend Erica Baxter on France's Cote d'Azure this Wednesday - so that's what your billions buy you now, Tom Cruise as the presiding minister at your wedding. Perhaps Tom should consider a full-time career change, given the box-office from some of his recent movies.

How exactly, you may be asking, does one achieve the highest level in Scientology? I suspect you merely buy your way into it, but according to Scientology itself, it involves studying the "Advanced Levels" which reportedly contain the "Hidden Truth" about the nature of the universe. So secret is this truth that it may only be revealed on the high seas, aboard a cruise ship called Freewinds (or on the web - thanks Renee). Having learned this truth, a Scientologist becomes an Operating Thetan. So Tom Cruise has learned the hidden truth about the universe, but is not allowed to reveal it, because to release this truth into common knowledge would cause it to become "contaminated." We won't need to worry about Tom spilling I don't think - he seems wholly committed to this particular lunacy. I personally can't help but snicker at the idea of the true nature of the universe being revealed to the phony little pipsqueak who was in Top Gun. Of all the humans to be chosen as a vessel for such knowledge...

Britney Bird

Britney shows us how high she can count now. Good for you Britney.

Seriously though Brit - what would you be without the paps? Another washed-up pop-star trying in vain to mount a comeback, that's what. They stop taking pictures of you, you stop mattering. So maybe you should get over this love/hate thing you have going for them, don't you think? Embrace your media-whore destiny, you know?

They Make Me Feel Dirty...

Ashlee Simpson hangs with Pete Wentz at Cameo in Miami. Looks to me like Ashlee's been neglecting personal hygiene for awhile. All in keeping with the rock and roll lifestyle I guess. She probably has Pete's name tattooed on the inside of her thigh by now. This is why she went through all that plastic surgery - so she could be Pete Wentz's dirty-haired girlfriend? You could've been that the way you looked before Ash - I seriously don't think Pete's that choosy.

Cruises Party With Beckhams

Tom and Kate Cruise hit the town with Posh and Becks after David's big final game with Spanish soccer team Real Madrid. The foursome dined at Madrid's El Xistu restaurant before hitting the nightclub Shabay - where they partied until 7 in the morning.



David poses with his kids after the soccer match. Aw - they all have the same haircut. Isn't that creepy cute?



Tom and Katie show their love after Real Madrid scored their third goal. Do you think Katie ever gets sick of this freak pawing her in public?

Freak-Fest

What do you get when Victoria Beckham, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes head to a soccer match? That's right - a total freak-fest.



Posh has done it - she's turned Katie Holmes into a creepy European chick. The kind of rich old broad who haunts Monte Carlo looking for hot, naive twenty-year-old guys to seduce. You know, the type who has a big dusty villa full of stuffed owls, and likes to read de Sade aloud. And Tom - you just know he's clapping louder than everyone else. Tom always has to do everything more than the person next to him. It looks like his mom cuts his hair for him too.



Look at all the people checking out Posh. You'd swear they'd never seen a malnourished ferret-chick with big fake tits before.

McPhee Hits Vegas

Kat McPhee performs in Las Vegas. People pay money to see a second-place American Idol finisher drink champagne and kick her legs in the air. It's still better than The Blue Man Group.



"It's like bubbles in my nose. Tee-hee..."



Katherine shows everyone what it looks like when she fakes an orgasm. That's the only kind of orgasm she's ever had, by the way...

Wentworth Miller Gets Some Coffee

Vin Diesel is the poor man's Bruce Willis, and Wentworth Miller is the poor man's Vin Diesel. So who's the poor man's Wentworth Miller? It's a trick question - there isn't one. No one's that poor.

Angie And Kids

Angelina buys art supplies with Maddox and Shiloh. What the hell Angie - taking an Asian kid and a white one out together? Doesn't that throw off the delicate balance of the cosmos? Don't you give a shit about the delicate balance, Angie?

Hayden Thrills The Geeks

Hayden Panettiere signs autographs at the Wizard World Philadelphia Comic and Pop Culture Convention. I haven't seen so many geeks with hard-ons since Alba danced in Sin City. Such a fresh-faced cutie, our little Hayden. Unfortunately, at the rate she's been partying it up, she will not remain adorable for long. In two years she will look like this:



And in ten:




And in twenty:



Youth - it's so very fleeting.

Barker Endorses Rosie

Out-going Price is Right host Bob Barker has officially endorsed fat loud-mouth Rosie O'Donnell as his successor:

She knows the show. There's no doubt in my mind she could do the show. Now, whether they want a lady host, I don't know. I've never heard that discussed. As far as I know, they've only auditioned men.

If they're looking for a man then Rosie should have no trouble.

Personally, I haven't watched The Price is Right in years. And I'm not sure hiring Rosie would make me start. I suppose there could be some entertainment value in seeing big fat lesbians run up and hug Rosie. You know, the same amusement one might get from watching two pigs roll around in mud.

(source)

(thanks to Crabbiefan cupcake for the tip)

Paris Suffering In Jail

Paris Hilton is finding out about the true tortures of jail life. Insiders report that she's currently being held in the dungeon-like medical wing at Lynwood, in a lonely single room with a nasty hospital bed instead of a comfy metal cot. Her meals include such loathsome dishes as roast beef, spaghetti and meatballs, chicken nuggets and fish (as opposed to the franks and beans and oatmeal the general population is privileged to dine upon). Also, Paris is not allowed to entertain herself by sitting for endless tedious hours, but has been forced to watch DVDs. Prison officials say Paris will remain in these extreme conditions until her "medical issues" are resolved.

(source)

Jolie And Voight To Kiss And Make Up?

Angelina Jolie has been estranged from movie-star father Jon Voight for a long time, but that might be all about to change. In an interview with Britain's Evening Standard, Angelina said she's ready to take preliminary steps toward reconciling with the wacky old man:

I am hoping my relationship with my father will be more private in the future. At the end of the day we both wish the best for each other and we'll try to start communicating in some way.

Communication would be good, Angie. Besides your dopey father going on TV tearfully beseeching people to help you because you're such a fucking self-destructive head-case. Yeah, we know where you get it from Angie. God - why don't you two just spare us, okay? Cause the whole thing is such a farce. Some bullshit reconciliation - oh, and just in time for a big Barbara Walters interview before next year's Oscars? The two of you sitting there smiling at each other and holding hands, spouting a few, talking about all the good times and the bad? Why don't I just slit my wrists now?

(source)

Jess's New Man?

There are whispers that Jessica Simpson has been doing her trainer (pictured above alongside an obviously very happy Jess). Others have also claimed that she's been essentially stalking John Mayer since their break-up. If I were Jess I'd forget about that pretentious gay mutt Mayer and concentrate on the trainer. He's so much hunkier than Mr. Sensitive Your Body is a Wonderland Now Suck My Dick Boy. All right, so he looks a little like that pinhead Kevin Costner. At least he's not wearing a rug.

Go for it Jess - treat yourself.

To Be Perfectly Blunt...

As a gay man, I am legally obligated to think The Devil Wears Prada was fabulous. But screw that. I thought it was...

Honestly, I never saw it. Sorry but Meryl Streep causes my mind to stop working. She's utterly tedious. I'll take Greta and Marilyn - those were real women. Meryl's like some old hausfrau who took a couple acting lessons.

And Emily Blunt? I guess she's pretty good. But damn - is that chick butt-ugly. And the other broad in this picture. Some model right? She seems familiar. Eh - who cares.

More Mandy

Some of you got angry when the Crabster referred to Mandy Moore as "hefty" the other day. Okay, so she's not "hefty." She's just really big and manly through the shoulders and upper-arms. I think she's been doing a lot of arm-wrestling. Whatever. Bitch is still boring. Next!

Just...Ew

Tommy Lee and Pam Anderson still haven't figured out how revolting they are. God, is she biting him? Doesn't she have hepatitis? You're right - what does Tommy care? He's already got everything.

Forbes Releases Annual Most Powerful Celebs List

Forbes Magazine has released its list of the 100 Most Powerful Celebs. Emperor of the Known Universe Oprah Winfrey is number one, followed by buck-toothed golfer Tiger Woods, buck-toothed old fart pop-star Madonna, mummified rockers The Rolling Stones and Angelina's kept-man, Brad Pitt. Angelina herself finishes 14th. Among other Crabbie regulars, Tom Cruise is 8th, David Beckham 15th, Donald Trump 19th, Nicole Kidman 27th, Justin Timberlake 34th, George Clooney 40th, Sean Combs 43rd, Jennifer Aniston 44th, Jessica Simpson 60th (for what?), Satanic Rachael Ray 66th, Keira Knightley 71st (and she probably hates herself for it), Hilary Duff 72nd, Kate Moss 74th, Scarlett Johansson 77th, Jessica Alba 78th, Reese Witherspoon 80th and Hayden Panettiere 98th.

Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, the Olsen Twins and Lindsay Lohan failed to make the list. Are the Forbes people trying to make a statement about tabloid skanks?

(source)

Brandon Davis - Irritable Drunk

Brandon knows more words than I thought.

Mandy Moore Thinks Wilmer Valderrama Is Tacky

Mandy Moore doesn't think it was very cool of Wilmer Valderrama to brag of taking her virginity on the Howard Stern Show. The hefty starlet tells Blender mag:

That's not a fun thing to have said about you. Even now when I think about it, I’m like, ugh. It’s pretty tacky.

You know all about tackiness, don't you Mandy? And having trouble finding clothes that fit.

(source)

A Self-Contradictory Phrase If I Ever Heard One...

A Rush & Molloy source on Lindsay Lohan's rehabilitation efforts:

She's taken rehab very seriously. She has cut a lot of negative influences in her life. She and [mom] Dina speak every day.

Uh-huh.

(source)

Nicole Richie Got Knocked Up To Keep From Being Locked Up

Nicole Richie has been candid about her fears of having to go to jail over DUI charges. But it looks like Nicole has been taking steps to keep herself out of the clink - including getting pregnant.

A friend of Nicole's, at least, has said the skinny reality star "is kind of hoping her pregnancy will keep her out of jail." That's a novel reason for having a kid. I hope when junior grows up, mommy will give him an extra special present for the wonderful thing he did. She can hand it to him through the bars. You make up you're own mind which side of the bars she's on.

(source)

Duff Goes Back To School

Hilary Duff visits Normandie Elementary School in L.A. to receive a pat on the back for financing a program that provided lunches to needy kids. We salute Hilary's noble efforts. However, we think she needs to stop chasing fourteen year old boys around the gymnasium. No Hilary, they do not want to find out what it means to be a real man. Not from you at least.

(by the way - is it just me or is Hilary trying to turn herself into Jennifer Lopez? you're a little fat white girl Hilary. stop.)

Renee Zellweger At The 2007 Crystal & Lucy Awards

Why does Renee always look like she just sucked a dick? Oh right - it's because she's always sucking dicks.

Mariah Carey Goes To Dinner

The owner of the all-you-can-eat place starts sweating. "Oh no. It's-a that fat moose again." (he's Italian for some reason) "Hide-a the lasagna. And put out extra napkins. Do it or I beat you."

The Dudes Of Entourage

From left to right: Lame. Lame. Super-Lame. So what's a nice boy like you doing in a place like this, huh?

Posh Poses

Poshy launches her dVb Denim and Sunglasses line at Saks Fifth Avenue. If she wants people to buy those pants, she's going to have to find a model who remotely resembles a human female.



Dear God, Poshy's face is rotting. I guess that's what happens when you get splashed by too much semen.

(it was the reflections off her sequined top)



Here's Poshy earlier in the day, at Central Park. They had to put up a sign - Do Not Feed The Fashionista. People chucked peanuts at her anyway. I don't think they meant for her to eat them.

Jolie Raps With Stewart

Does Jon think he's going to get laid?

And yeah, right, she had nothing to do with sending out the "memo" requesting but not demanding that news organizations sign a no-negativity contract. What's the point of sending out the "memo" if signing the contract isn't mandatory? And at what point will idiots like Jon realize that Angelina is not hot? She looks like hell.

A Different Kind Of Action

Shots were fired in front of Teddy's in L.A. last night. No one was hit, but some dude got nailed by shrapnel. It apparently all happened just as Kathy Griffin was coming out of the club.

I think Andy Dick might be off his meds again.

Update: Do Not Question The Greatness Of Angelina

Angelina Jolie is getting heat from reporters, who say they were forced to sign contracts before being allowed to interview the actress at last night's premiere of her new movie A Might Heart. These agreements stipulated, among other things, that no questions be asked about Ms. Jolie's personal life, and warned that if interview materials were used to portray Jolie in a "disparaging, derogatory or demeaning" manner, she would have the right to seek a restraining order blocking the use of said material, and further recourse to a lawsuit. In other words, Angelina is forcing people to agree, in writing, not to make fun of her, and is threatening to sue them if they do. Naturally, a lot of journalists refused to sign the agreement. Both the USA Today and Associated Press canceled plans to interview Jolie. And Jolie's reaction? She put the kibosh on all planned interviews with print outlets. The TV interviews went on of course - and there were plenty of outlets willing to sacrifice all pretense of journalistic integrity in exchange for a thirty-second clip of an emaciated-looking Jolie smiling and talking about how wonderful it was to play Mariane Pearl.

"Who does she think she is?" one unidentified reporter for a major outlet said after refusing to sign Jolie's don't-make-fun-of-Angelina pledge. The answer to that is simple - she thinks she's Angelina Jolie. And why shouldn't someone as important as that be accorded all this deferential treatment? Angelina is a movie-star after all - one who makes movies like A Mighty Heart, which tells the story of the wife of a journalist murdered by radical Muslims. Yes, I know - there's irony here. Angelina forcing reporters to sign agreements curbing their rights, after making a movie about how freedom of the press is being threatened by oppressive, non-Democratic elements. But before you accuse Angie of being a total hypocrite, remember this - Daniel Pearl, the poor murdered reporter, was only covering terrorism in the Middle East. He wasn't on such an important story as how wonderful Angelina Jolie is. Jolie's image must be protected at all costs - unlike Islamo-fascism, which can't be all that big a deal, otherwise the terrorists would have lawyers to go around writing up contracts and making reporters sign them. Just think - if Daniel Pearl had been forced not to ask all those unpleasant questions, he would never have gotten himself killed. And then Angie wouldn't have had to make the sacrifice of time and effort required to produce a movie about how courageous Pearl was.

Anyway, the important thing is not what Angelina says - it's how she looks. The dress she wore to last night's premiere reportedly cost her $26. Because it would've looked bad for her to spend tons of money on an outfit. She's all about the message, not that superficial, image-driven crap.

(source)

Update: Angelina Jolie has backed off her insistence that press members sign a contract agreeing not to ask her personal questions or be critical of her. Interviews will take place at tomorrow's press junket for A Mighty Heart without restriction. AP has already agreed to the new terms.

Somebody must've explained to Angelina that interviews are a big part of promoting a movie. And media outlets like AP are not just going to agree to a lot of silly stipulations. She needs them much worse than they will ever need her.

(source)

Lohan Shy

Lindsay Lohan continues to spend a lot of her rehab time at the gym. Apparently she doesn't want her picture taken either. As far as we know, plans are still going ahead for her to host a huge drunken 21st birthday party at Pure in Vegas, complete with Paris Hilton lookalikes. Cause nothing says "I'm sober now" like heading to Vegas and getting sloshed.

Paris Afraid To Eat?

Paris Hilton's aunt Kyle Richards talks to transexual Fox News reporter Greta Van Susteren about Paris's eating issues:

Online Videos by Veoh.com

All right Dirty Disher - I'll give you that one. You totally called it.

Britney Tries To Be Funny

Britney Spears is making a new album, and is asking her fans to help her name it. Here are the five titles suggested on Britney's website:

OMG is Lindsay Lohan Like Okay Like
What If the Joke is On You
Down Boy
Integrity
Dignity

Very sly, Britney's people - trying to deflect all the negativity away from Britney by making fun of Lindsay Lohan. Because we all know that Lindsay is really the screwed-up one.

I like the last two best, myself. Integrity and Dignity. Britney never had the first one, and has willingly sacrificed every shred she ever had of the second. I think we need to come up with our own album titles, don't you?

Crabbie's Suggested Britney Album Titles

My Poon Was Made For Flashin'
Have Umbrella, Will Wack
Anti-Christ Superstar (yes I know, it's been used)
Dignity Shmignity
A Fistful Of Advil
My Mother Is An Evil Whore And I Am A Doped-Up Attention Junkie
Bald On Bald

(source)

Cameron, Antonio And Justin Hump Shrek The Third In Madrid

"Wow, look! A giant penis!"

Cusack And Duff Girls At Premiere Of 1408

John Cusack is the cream in a double-Duff Oreo. Sorry, had to.

Is it just me, or does John Cusack have the biggest head in the history of the world?

Paris Back To Lynwood

Paris Hilton has been transferred from the looney ward at Twin Towers to a slightly-less-looney ward at the Lynwood jail, reports TMZ. Eventually, Paris is expected to be returned to the cell she was in originally - where the cramped conditions supposedly caused her to suffer panic attacks.

Funny, but you wouldn't think someone who spends as much time as Paris does with her head between people's legs would suffer from claustrophobia.

The decision to move Paris from Twin Towers to Lynwood was made after medical staff declared her condition "stabilized." This of course is a relative term. Paris has about as much chance of becoming stable as she does of becoming herpes-free.

(source)

Crabbie Does Dotspotter

The nice folks over at Dotspotter have given yours truly the chance to write a featured article for their front page. So head on over there Crabbiefans, and see what the Crabster had to say about Jennifer Aniston's adoption plans. And thanks to Dotspotter for providing Crabbie yet another outlet for his insane rage.

That Thing You Do! Extended Cut

Tom Hanks's rock and roll fable That Thing You Do! is one of the more adorable movies the Crabster has ever seen in his life. Actually it's damn-near irresistible. All those cute guys in their little Beatles outfits strumming their guitars and singing their darling little songs. It's enough to make your heart go pitter-pat.

Well, That Thing You Do! is back, in a new extended version. Yes, Tom Hanks has given his button-cute homage to '60s pop the old director's cut treatment. He's put back in 30 minutes of previously unseen footage. Normally this is a terrible idea - when you see the discarded stuff, you usually just wish it would go away again. And, to be frank, I'm not certain the 30 minutes of extra footage does much to enhance this particular movie either. It's such a snappy picture - sharp and crisp and over before you have a chance to realize how silly and featherheaded the whole thing is. The extra footage, for the most part, just bogs the story down. But, if you've already seen it and are curious to know more about certain characters, you definitely have a treat in store.

I had no idea, for example, that Tom Hanks's slightly shady record company exec character was gay. Now there was a sub-plot that was entirely excised from the finished film. Along with a funny scene starring a big luggy football-player guy named Lloyd who drives off with Tom in a sportscar, leaving a drunken Guy Patterson to fend for himself at the Ambassador. Why not let Tom be gay? Did they cut it for time or was it too risque? Some other slightly naughty bits of dialogue were also cut from the film, it turns out. And so was a scene where Guy Patterson makes out with Charlize Theron while watching Spartacus. So that explains his fixation on Spartacus!

For those not familiar with the film...That Thing You Do! is the kooky story of a group of guys from Erie, PA who start a band, write a really catchy tune and become teen sensations. Their leader, Jimmy (Jonathan Schaech), is a prick with a Beatles cut who thinks he's the second coming of Brian Wilson. His girlfriend Faye (Liv Tyler) worships the ground he walks on, but to him she's nothing but the inspiration for some love songs. The guitar player, Lenny (Steve Zahn), is a goofball who can't get laid. Then there's the bass player, T.B. Player (Ethan Embry), and the drummer Chad (Scientologist Giovanni Ribisi) who breaks his arm vaulting over a parking meter. Chad's replacement is a wannabe jazz skin-smacker named Guy Patterson (Tom Everett Scott), whose spontaneous up-tempoing of Jimmy's earnest ballad sets off the band's meteoric rise to fame and fortune, and a starring role in a beach blanket bingo picture playing Cap'n Geech and the Shrimp Shack Shooters.

The movie is permeated by Tom Hanks's particular brand of gently whimsical kookiness. Tom's best attribute as a director is his ability to get faintly off-the-wall performances from people like Steve Zahn and Tom Everett Scott. Remember how funny Tom used to be before he became a serious actor? There are echoes of the Hanks of The Burbs and The Money Pit in these performances - amusingly whiny line-readings and bits of nutty physical comedy. Hanks thinks like a comedian, always looking for laughs, and funny character quirks. He has also done a loving job of capturing something that looks and feels like the '60s of Motown, mop-tops and Bobby Darin-like crooners. The fake musical acts provide some of the movie's highlights - especially Robert Torti as Freddy Frederickson, who sings his hit "Mr. Downtown." And then there's the hilarious Kevin Pollack as Boss Vic Koss, the Pittsburgh mattress king and wannbe Alan Freed. And Holmes Osbourne in a memorable turn as Guy Patterson's father, the hapless appliance-store owner.

The extra footage ads new shadings to some of these characters. We find out more about what a jerk Boss Vic Koss is, and how frightened Guy's father is by his competitors at Telemart. Most of the added footage deals with Guy however. The extended cut becomes Guy's story to a greater degree than the original. There's a lot more material on his vapid, doll-like girlfriend Tina (Charlize Theron) and her relationship with a hunky dentist. Probably too much. And there's further elaboration on Guy's love of jazz, including a sequence where he surreptitiously records his idol Del Paxton yakking with some friends at a recording studio. The result of all this new material is a more leisurely, at times more thoughtful film - but a less entertaining one. The energetic musical performances seem sort of lost amidst all the character stuff, and the story loses a lot of its momentum. And frankly, the extra material does little to lend weight to what was already a fluffy affair. For full entertainment value, the stripped-down, cut-to-the-chase version is preferable. But, like I said, if you're already a fan of the movie, the extended cut is more than worth checking out.

(Crabbie received no compensation for the above review, beyond a free promotional copy of the DVD, which is available for purchase at FoxStore.com.)

Beyonce - Queen Of Asswads

This is a painting of Beyonce done by a British artist named Paul Stillwell. Mr. Stillwell was reportedly so excited over this portrait of the singer that he traveled 100 miles to London to show it to her when she was there for a show at Wembley Stadium. Stillwell says he waited outside Beyonce's hotel for five hours, clutching his painting. When the singer finally emerged Stillwell asked her if she'd autograph it, but she replied with a brusque, "No, sorry," and headed on her merry way. A devastated Stillwell then cried his way back to his lonely, miserable, motherless life.

The easy thing would be to make fun of Beyonce for being such an asshole, but I'm not going to. We already know Beyonce is a self-absorbed bitch - we didn't need any further proof. The sad thing about this story is this Stillwell fellow, and what his story reveals about the sickening condition known as mindless idolatry. Basically, Stillwell needs to get a life. Yes, it's sad that his mother died, and yes it's touching that he was inspired to paint this picture while dealing with his grief. But seriously Paul - hauling the damn thing 100 miles to beg some silly-ass twat to autograph it? The fact that you would even care whether some meathead like Beyonce acknowledged you just demonstrates what a loser you are. She's an imbecile Paul. She isn't worth expending a single ounce of disappointment or anger over. Just because she has an ass that is often photographed doesn't make her better than you, or worthy of being placed on the pedestal you've stuck her on. And another thing Paul - you painting that picture while dealing with your mother's death. Isn't that just a tiny bit creepy? I mean, what kind of relationship did you have with your mother anyway? What is it about Beyonce that makes you think of her? I think you need to see a shrink Paul. And you need to stop worshipping low-rent little tramps like Beyonce, who can't even sing or dance that well, and are only well-known because they shook it in some wanky videos.

(source)

Meg Ryan Sighting

Meg Ryan takes her adopted daughter to the beach. Hmm - freakish body-builder arms, an adopted kid, an air of menopausal craziness. Who does this remind us of?


They could be twins. Scary.

Ashley Olsen Needs A Third Arm

Somebody needs to explain to Ashley Olsen aka the "normal" Olsen Twin that carrying a bunch of shit everywhere you go doesn't make you look important, it only makes you look like some dumb twat who is unable to grasp the concept of putting her keys in her pocket until she needs them. By the way, nice coat. Planning on going back in time to 1944 and joining the OSS? Going to be stationed at a bomb-factory in Munich under the alias Eva Burgermeister? I might re-think the shoes in that case. Fleeing the SS in those - not a good plan. Be in Dachau in no time.

Nicole Richie Remains At-Large

Paris Hilton rots in jail while Nicole Richie walks free. Oh the injustice! Ew, and what's with Joel Madden's hair? Is he a big fan of Paulie Walnuts? Or maybe he decided that since he smells like a skunk he might as well look like one? Nice shirt too Joel. Button that sucker up to the top and you could easily pass for a total retard. Oh wait - you already do.

Britney's Mom Flaps Her Gums

Lynne Spears is making a run at Dina Lohan for the title of most delusional mother of a fucked-up celebrity skank. In the new issue of US Weekly, Lynne talks about her daughter Britney's recent troubles - and decides that it's all the media's fault:

You go into a time in your life with the world watching and you are just trying to figure yourself out. It's sad that the whole world had to watch her make mistakes that all of us have made at one time or another.

Yes Lynne, we've all had to make mistakes - like impulsively shaving our heads, attacking photographers and claiming to the anti-Christ. I don't know one person who hasn't done all three of those things in the course of about four days like Britney did. And you're right - we didn't have to go through all those things with the whole world watching. Of course, our mothers didn't shove us in front of the cameras in the first place, but that's beside the point.

As we all know, the media attention aimed at your daughter is completely unreasonable. Everyone should just leave her alone. At some point though, Lynne, you might explain to Brit-Brit that showing off her ass and vagina at the drop of a hat is not helping this whole "leave me alone" campaign of hers. She seems a tad confused about that. You'll set her straight though right, you parenting genius?

Tell us how great she is Lynne:

Britney Jean Spears is the sweetest and the most sensitive and loving of all my children. She's just figuring things out.

Seems to me she's already figured out everything she needs to know - if her purpose in life is to wind up burned-out by the age of 28. But that's not on you, right Lynne? The media are pushing her right to the edge of that cliff. And your way of helping ease that media pressure? Talking to US Weekly. Yup, you've got it figured out too, haven't you? You and Dina Lohan.

I bet you guys car-pool back and forth from hell don't you?

(source)

Kathy And Rick At Twin Towers

Proud parents Rick and Kathy Hilton visit their daughter Paris in the slammer. Word has it that Rick is planning some huge get-out-of-jail party for Paris, and is trying to sell some big clubs like Pure on hosting the affair. And right after that, Paris is going to stop acting dumb and turn her attention to charity work, right? Apparently someone forgot to tell Rick that Paris isn't that air-headed party-girl anymore - she's learned her lesson.

Katie Morphing Into Posh?

Katie Holmes has gotten a new haircut, which echoes pal Victoria Beckham's. Is Katie turning herself into a clone of Posh? Isn't one Posh enough for any planet (considering all the fumes she gives off)?

Katie Holmes has become nothing more than a pawn in some kind of bizarre power-struggle between Tom Cruise and Poshy. Each wants to pull her in their own direction. Poshy wants her to become a vapid shopaholic, while Tom wants her to be some kind of bizarro Scientology Stepford wife bearing his wacky alien heirs. Who will win? Poshy and her non-biodegradable boobs, or Tom and his elevator shoes and little easily bruised sense of manhood?

Stay tuned.

Paris Gets A Visit From Mommy And Daddy

Paris Hilton received a visit today from her parents Kathy and Rick. Reportedly, the elder Hiltons were accompanied to Twin Towers by armed guards, and still got rather hounded by reporters.

There's no word yet on what Kathy or Rick might've said to Paris (though I'm sure some of the more disreputable tabs will be happy to make something up). However, X17 reported this afternoon that, according to their source inside Twin Towers, Paris has again seen a down-turn in her mental state, and has had three guards assigned to watch her. We're wondering if this dramatic return of Paris's previous symptoms is related to the visit by Kathy and Rick. You know, maybe they said something that upset her - or maybe Kathy told her she wasn't milking it well enough and had better turn back on the water-works. Either way, it seems rather ridiculous that a facility like Twin Towers would spare three guards just to watch Paris. Then again, if she dies in there, it would not reflect well on their overall operation.

(source 1, source 2)

Britney Butt-Flash

Britney gives photographers a good look at her underwear. Why? To prove to us that she does indeed own at least one pair? And why do we give in to Britney's sad need for attention by posting this crap anyway? Could it be that we don't feel like really writing anything, and it's always easier to just throw up a picture of Britney's ass?

Update: Watts And Schreiber Now Married

Actor Liev Schreiber revealed at the Tony Awards that he and fellow thespian Naomi Watts are now married. This comes as a shock to those who:

1. Didn't realize the Tony Awards were still being held.
2. Thought Watts had dumped Schreiber for someone a little more responsive, like a dead maple tree.
3. Have been sleeping since 1865, and figured that since Naomi was pregnant they must already be married.
4. Thought Naomi was already married to that big monkey.
5. Did not realize it was legal for hat-racks to marry lamp-posts.

(source)

Update: Liev Schreiber now says he was only joking about being married to Naomi Watts. Oh that Liev - what a merry prankster.

(source)

Victoria Beckham Plays With Little White Balls

Poshy throws out the first pitch at an L.A. Dodgers game. This reminds Crabbie of the old days, when he used to bone baseball players underneath the bleachers after games. I'll tell you - some of those guys can really throw a fastball. As I'm sure Poshy has found out by now.

Banderas Has His Way With Timberlake

Antonio Banderas shocks fans at the London premiere of Shrek the Third by anally raping Justin Timberlake. This is of course not the first time Justin has been taken from behind by a Latino. He had that thing with Marc Anthony awhile back. Plus he ran into Penelope Cruz one time when she was totally high and packing a strap-on.

Bilson's Leg Humped By Tyke

Rachel Bilson was minding her own business at a fundraiser for the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS foundation when this little girl ran up and started going to town on her leg. This kind of thing hasn't happened to Rachel in a long time - not since Mischa Barton got drunk one day on the set of The O.C. and thought she was Cisco Adler's sack.

Aniston's Man Has Dinner With Posh

Is something funny going on between Jennifer Aniston's boyfriend Paul Sculfor and Victoria Beckham?

Sculfor, who has been dating Aniston for several weeks, was reportedly seen this weekend having dinner with Victoria at the Saddle Ranch Chop House in West Hollywood. Friends say there's nothing at all between Posh and Sculfor however - he's merely an old boyfriend of Poshy's good pal Maria-Louise Featherstone, the make-up artist.

Still, given Aniston's history of losing men, you couldn't blame her for being a little paranoid. Sculfor is very pretty - and we know how Poshy likes those pretty boys. My advice for Aniston would be to find herself a nice, pudgy, fugly dude - the kind who's not liable to stray. Either that or just get a dog.

(source)

Lindsay's Got A New Fake Friend

Lindsay Lohan has made a new friend in Promises - fellow trouble-making tart Dori Cooperman.

Ms. Cooperman, a New York socialite, checked in to rehab two weeks ago after being hit with probation for stealing a neighbor's check and trying to deposit it (genius). Reportedly, she was originally enrolled in an Arizona rehab, but decided it wasn't cool enough and moved to Promises instead.

Promises - it's where the cool people pretend to dry out.

Lohan, of course, has a rather shaky track-record when it comes to choosing friends. She once yukked it up with Paris Hilton - until Paris and her buddy Brandon Davis started calling her Firecrotch. Then she hooked up (in more ways than one) with DJ Samantha Ronson - who, it turns out, has been conspiring with the paparazzi to get pics of Lohan, and was responsible for Lindsay being photographed passed out the night after her DUI arrest.

Who wants to bet Dori Cooperman winds up pumping Lindsay for info, then turns right around and sells it to a tab? Poor Lindsay - if it weren't for her crabs she'd have no friends at all.

(source)

Amy Winehouse Beats Her Husband

Singer Amy Winehouse has admitted she occasionally gets drunk and beats on her new husband Blake Civil-Fielder:

I'm either a really good drunk or I'm an out-and-out shit, horrible, violent, abusive, emotional drunk. ... I'll beat up Blake when I'm drunk. I don't think I have ever bruised him, but I do have my way. If he says one thing I don't like then I'll chin him. ... I'm not a fighter, but if I am backed against the wall I'll kick the shit out of anyone. ... I don't think your ability to fight has anything to do with how big you are. It's to do with how much anger is in you.

Amy Winehouse gets more appealing with each passing day, doesn't she? Beauty, class and a sunny disposition. Who could resist?

(source)

Posh And David's Separate Reality Shows

Victoria and David Beckham both have reality shows coming out - separate ones, in which the other will not significantly participate. Posh's, set to air on NBC this fall provided network brass don't suddenly come to their senses, will follow the former Spice Girl as she moves to America, shops and rubs up against Perez Hilton like he was a really fat, ugly, sweaty stripper pole. David's show, meanwhile, will document the spo