America's favorite rich dirty old man Donald Trump wants to make his up-coming Celebrity Apprentice show the most skanktacular presentation in the history of TV - by recruiting shameless whores Paris Hilton, Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan to participate. Here's what Trump said to Page 6 about the endeavor:
We're negotiating with Britney right now. Can you imagine her doing it? We're not sure what will happen. She's a fucking mess. And that little reality show she had did nothing. But she likes the idea of being on television and I think she'd be great.
Actually Donald, no, I can't imagine her doing it, especially after you called her a "fucking mess" in a major metropolitan newspaper. That attitude sort of signals to us that none of this is serious, and you're just messing around with people as you're apt to do from time-to-time. But it doesn't bother us because you're amusing.
The Donald also says that Paris Hilton "wants to be on" the show, but he's not sure if they're going to do it yet. And of Lindsay Lohan, the third point of the tabloid triangle-of-power, Donald said this:
Another fucking mess. We haven't asked her yet, but I'm going to call her this week. It would be a positive thing for her to do . . . for all of them.
Yes Donald, it would be positive - especially if you called them all "fucking messes" to their face. Great for their self-esteem. Jeez, now we know how you keep bagging all these hot young women.
All right, so the idea of Lindsay, Britney or Paris actually doing this show is a total fantasy, right up there with Michael Lohan's infamous Celebutard Island Survivor pitch. But, give Trump credit - he has managed to rope in some pretty big names to do his show for real. Here's the list of folks Trump claims he already has on-board:
- Jim Cramer
- Carmen Electra
- Joan Rivers
- Naomi Judd
- George Foreman
- Kimora Lee Simmons
- Pete Rose
- Danica Patrick
- Tony Hawk
- Jeff Gordon
Wow - that's gonna be a helluva show. I'll watch it just for the inevitable moment when that nut Jim Cramer loses it and punches Omarosa in the face. Oh yeah, and I can't wait for Trump to hit on Carmen Electra. "My cuff-links are worth more than most African countries. Want to get busy? Rosie O'Donnell is a very ugly woman and a bad person. Those breasts of yours are quite attractive. You know my daughter has a pair of those too. If I paid you a lot of money, would you consider having your picture taken in bed with my daughter? These would be for my own personal use of course."