Tom And Katie's Little Problem

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes try their damnedest to portray their marriage as perfect. But, it appears there's one little problem the couple is no longer able to hide - that they sleep in separate bedrooms.

Okay, so that's more than a little problem. Actually that sounds like a big problem, since where I come from, it's usually considered normal for married people to share a bed. Then again, "Tom Cruise" and "normal" are two things that don't often converge. Frankly, I'm shocked to hear that Tom sleeps in any kind of bed - I would've thought he climbed into some kind of pod or cocoon at night, or a wacky hi-tech chamber like Michael Jackson. Wherever Tom's sleeping, and whatever he's sleeping in or on, we now know Katie isn't anywhere near.

Of course, this being the Tom and Katie camp, there's got to be some kind of adorable, aw-shucks-we're-just-plain-folks explanation. And that is? That Tom snores too loud. Said a source:

It's a situation that works for both of them. ... In fact, they even joke about having separate bedrooms to their friends – Katie says Tom snores, and this way she can get her beauty sleep! ... Of course they spend time together alone at night like most married couples; after all, they conceived Suri!

Yes - make us think about Tom and Katie conceiving Suri. Thank you. I was trying to eat my Rice Krispies, fuckface.

Actually, the story of Tom and Katie's off-beat marital arrangement goes deeper than just Tom snoring and Katie needing another room. Reportedly, Katie was made to understand from the very beginning that she and Tom would each occupy their own, separate areas of the Cruise mansion. Katie was given a "cluster of suites" on the south wing of the second floor, while Tom would have the north wing, including the master bedroom. So, in actuality, it doesn't sound like they ever really slept in the same room - making the whole "snoring" story smell like a load of bunkum.

But why, after all, would Tom arrange things right from the beginning so that his wife would sleep in a completely separate wing from him? It couldn't be because Tom has visitors at night? And I don't mean shady Scientology types or the ambassador from Vulcan - I mean visitors. Special visitors. The kind who do things to Tom that Tom enjoys. Like, for example, fist him in the ass. I'm guessing the walls of Tom's bedroom are extra thick, and the locks are extra-solid. And there are are black-out blinds on the windows. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised to learn that Katie had never even seen the inside of Tom's bedroom. Yes, undoubtedly, they did conceive Suri - but what the hell does that prove? For all we know Tom had Katie drugged, and taken off to some secret locale where he pumped his spunk into her, and then Katie woke up the next morning with a headache, and a couple months later boom...she realizes she's knocked up. Sure. It all adds up now.

(source)