Michael Lohan continues to fight with ex-wife Dina over custody of their youngest kids Ali and whatever the boy's name is. Today in court, a judge ordered Michael to pay $500 a week in child support for the next two weeks - then told Michael he'd better start trying harder to find a job or else. In the interest of helping a fellow out, Crabbie offers the following job suggestions for Michael:
Tightrope walker. No net or pole provided. Sense of balance optional.
Perez Hilton's hair-stylist. Bring own hedge-clippers and Tang.
Victoria Beckham's chef. Need only know one recipe: lightly-cooked single pea.
Door-to-door Bible salesman in Teheran.
Naomi Campbell's maid - bring a helmet, and possibly a flak-jacket.
Bai Ling's pimp.
John Wayne impersonator on Indian reservation. Alternative: George Custer impersonator on Indian reservation.
Dog-carcass remover (call Michael Vick)
Al Jolson impersonator in South Central L.A.
Britney Spears's assistant. Other positions open: publicist, manager, agent, accountant, lawyer, cook, stylist, acupuncturist, massage therapist, tarot reader, manicurist, yoga instructor, dance teacher, voice coach, pretty much any other position that requires immense patience and the willingness to endure dogs crapping on your carpet.
Friday, July 27, 2007