Oscar Arrivals

Mark Wahlberg. Schwing!

Nicole Kidman and Naomi Watts. They should've found a third person to wear green. Then they could've gone together as a traffic signal.

Meryl Streep and Nicole Kidman. That thing Meryl's wearing - it opens the door to another dimension I think.

Reese Witherspoon aka The Mad Munchkin.

Gwyneth Paltrow. Snob.

Kate Winslet.

Nicole Kidman is scary.

Kirsten Dunst. Marie Antoinette so rocked Crabbie's world. Kiki was robbed! Get a clue, Academy.

Anne Hathaway. It's the night of a thousand lesbians.

Beyonce. You can tell it's a big event because she has her arms down. No pits on the Oscars.

Once more, you make me gag Celine...

Cate Blanchett. Do you think we could gush about her elegance a little more?

Leo. Came with his mom again. Poor sap.

Will Smith and family.

Jennifer Hudson. Everybody's really cinched around the waist ain't they?

Jessica Biel aka Bride of Frankenstein With Slight Pokies.

Helen Mirren. You mean they didn't just hand her the Oscar on the red-carpet? Might as well.

Penelope Cruz.

Cameron (cough cough) Diaz.

Rachel Weisz.

Jennifer Lopez hauls poor Mark Anthony to another event.

Emily Blunt. The ass distracts from the face. That's a good thing.

Rinko Kikuchi. Ruv this chick.

Gael Garcia Bernal aka Throbbing-Boner-Causer. Nice recovery by Seacrest after asking Bernal what it was like working with Brad Pitt - in a movie where the two had no scenes together (doofus).

Portia de Rossi shows up in support of her gal Ellen Degeneres. It's not Grecian, Giuliana!

Jodie Foster leads the lesbian contingent.

Peter Sarsgaard and Maggie Gyllenhaal. Buy a few more vowels there, would ya?

Joan and Melissa Rivers. Melissa has now had more work done than her hideous mother.