Britney Spears' first major post-Federline relationship has come to an end. Yup, Britney and Isaac Cohen are kaput. Cohen, a dancer Britney met through her choreographer and began dating in December, gave her the bad news on Sunday via long-distance phone-call. Way to man-up Cohen - dumping the bitch from 4,000 miles away (he was in L.A., she in New York). Maybe next you could squash a chipmunk with a bulldozer or kill a housefly with a cruise missile.
And why exactly did Isaac feel the need to break it off with Britney? “It was a bit much for him,” says a friend of Britney's rebound-man. “There was a lot of drama – it was too much of a whirlwind. It wasn’t one thing in particular. ... Her likes her. They had a good time together. He was doing his best to help her out – but there is only so much one person can do.”
Translation: She's a drunken ho and he doesn't want to be seen going around with a drunken ho. "There is only so much one person can do." In other words Britney is beyond help. Stop the presses on that one.
Poor Britney - even losers looking to make a name for themselves don't want anything to do with you. But hey, look on the bright side Brit - you can stop the whole trying to be Jewish charade now. You can put your hair back the way it was and get rid of that absurd Star of David. And really, what were you doing with that Cohen guy anyway? What a turd-bucket. I mean, you just got rid of one parasitic dickweed, so why let yourself become attached to another? You're better off without the guy. Now you can run around making Tara Reid look like a nun without having to worry about what some dumb man thinks. And, if you should ever get really lonely...well, we know you kind of dig chicks, Britney. And there are some fine lesbian pieces of tail out there. In fact, now would be a great time to just go over to the dyke-side entirely. Hey, it worked for Ellen Degeneres. Nobody gave a damn about her when she was just a fugly straight girl, then she came out lesbo, and now look at her - she's hosting the fricking Oscars for God's sake. Just think what could happen if you found some carpet-munching hottie of your own to hook up with. A talk show? A gig emceeing the Grammys? Sky's the limit, Brit. Sky's the limit.
Wednesday, February 07, 2007