The Beckhams are coming to L.A., which can mean only one thing - Poshy's got some parties to throw. That's how you operate when you're rich and famous. You don't just move to a new place, you invade it. Like Eisenhower planning D-Day, Poshy is hunkered down in her fabulously decorated bunker right now concocting a strategy for letting the L.A. social elite know that some new high-rollers are in town.
And what exactly is Poshy's idea of a great introductory soiree? Glad you asked. I happen to have some of the details right here in my ink-stained fingers. According to the Daily Mail, Poshy is planning not one but two huge get-to-know-us parties. The first will be a VIP-only "British-themed" affair (everyone will have bad teeth and smell like cheese I guess), featuring Beckham buds Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes as guests-of-honor, and Poshy-pal Jennifer Lopez as the entertainment. Dinner will include roast beef and Yorkshire pudding (cause those are the only two English dishes anyone can think of). But that's not the really important stuff. The purpose of the party, after all, is to introduce Poshy and Becks to L.A. society. So, in hopes of really showing herself off, Poshy is planning five - count 'em, five - wardrobe changes during the event. Yes, she's actually worked out an exact number of wardrobe changes. And just in case that doesn't impress anyone, Poshy is also planning on narrating a video presentation of her and David's life. I'm sure that will go over well. Almost as well as what Poshy is planning on giving away in her party swag-bags: tickets to David's first game with the L.A. Galaxy, vouchers for items from Poshy's clothing line, bottles of Poshy and David's perfume, and copies of Poshy's "style bible."
Hold on a second while I get my strength back. I haven't laughed that hard in fucking years.
Okay, I'm better.
Now then. The second party. Compared to that colossal first affair, the follow-up will inevitably seem a bit pedestrian. It will be essentially a meet-and-greet for Poshy and the wives and girlfriends of the other L.A. Galaxy players. No Hollywood people, which means no swag, and no video presentations or Jennifer Lopez. According to sources, the WAG party will be a chance for Victoria to sniff out the competition, and perhaps choose a new best friend from among the other women. I personally think this second party sounds like it would be much more entertaining to attend. Watching Poshy try to act normal among a bunch of soccer players' spouses and fuck-partners. The strained conversation. The sizing-up. The resentment beginning to fester. The moment when the other women realize what a god-awful phony Poshy is. And David in the other room getting quietly loaded, and perhaps sneaking out for a quickie with the goalie's hot nineteen-year-old honey. Should be a blast.
Monday, January 15, 2007