The marriage between "burlesque queen" Dita Von Teese and shock-rocker Marilyn Manson would appear to be over. At least, Dita thinks it is. Cause she's serving him with divorce papers today. Which would be one indication that things probably aren't going so hot.
And what, pray-tell, could come between such a loving couple as Dita and Marilyn? Did she catch Marilyn canoodling with Beelzebub again? Did Marilyn get sick of her forgetting to lube the strap-on when she gave it to him in the pasty white ass? Actually, it was nothing so interesting. Dita, it turns out, just got sick of Marilyn not paying attention to her.
"He's not been responsive," a source told Page 6. "She loved him so much, but he has too many demons. He can't even communicate with her at this point. She tried to tell him she was divorcing him, but she can't even get him on the phone. She moved out of the house and he hasn't even noticed."
Too many demons. She didn't mean that literally, right? Like, Marilyn's got too many pet demons and they keep pissing on the couch and setting it on fire. "I told that Marilyn, the demons go or I do." All I can say, Dita, is no one can come between a man and his demons. Especially when they've hypnotized him with their magic demon eyes.
By the way, that picture - that is not an image of two of the world's vaster intellects. If Manson's stare were any more vacant he'd be an Olsen twin. And Dita...let's just say Dita ain't gonna be applying for a Mensa membership any time soon. And seriously, what's with the Halloween get-ups? I know, the whole gothy, alternative-lifestyle, tattoos-and-pierced-genitalia thing. Great. Fine. But honestly - these idiots don't expect us to take them seriously when they dress like that do they? It's like, "Ooh, I'm so dark and mysterious, so I paint my face all white and dress like Dracula's wet-dream." Please, Marilyn. You're nothing but an arrested adolescent with an elaborate compensatory facade. Underneath all that crap you're just a fourteen-year-old wanking to a picture of Morticia Addams and listening to Alice Cooper records. Grow up and get a clue. And Dita - you appear to be a very attractive woman. Why the hell would you marry a horse-faced closet-homo freak like Manson? Are you that near-sighted? Or are you another one of these vapid bitches who buy into the whole "dangerous man" persona that losers like Manson affect? Don't you know the whole thing's just an act meant to keep us from seeing that the stupid bastard is emotionally bruised from too many wedgies in high school? He's not dark and mysterious and strangely sensitive Dita - he's a brainless pervert who makes crappy music and probably harbors a secret fascination with one or more of the members of N'Sync. Jesus, is Crabbie the only one who sees through these preposterous poseur lamewads?
Oh God. I think Marilyn Manson just put a curse on me. I feel this strange pressure in my bowels.
Oh, wait. That's just the laxative kicking in. Never mind.
Friday, January 05, 2007