There are some pretty weird couples out there in celeb-land, but if a certain report is correct, there may be a new one that blows all the others away - Jennifer Aniston and Kevin Federline.
According to witnesses, Aniston was hanging out at Club Citrus with some female friends the other evening, consuming Limoncellos (those things are pretty damn hazardous; just ask Danny DeVito). Federline, who also happened to be at the place, drinking Colt .45s, saw Aniston, and reportedly "went nuts." The two repaired to a private corner and spent the rest of the evening trading war stories. Then, when the place closed, sources say Aniston and Federline snuck off together through a back door.
All right, so it sounds like one of those too-good-to-be-true scenarios. I mean, Jennifer Aniston and Kevin Federline? How cool would that be? The woman Brad Pitt dumped hooking up with the man Britney Spears threw out like last night's Chinese take-out boxes. I mean, it's too perfect.
Yeah, too perfect. And also a tad frightening. Because what does it say about Aniston's standards that she would evince even a passing interest in a known sleaze-bucket like Federline? And what does it say about Federline's powers of attraction that he keeps managing to nab these broads who are several notches above him on the evolutionary chain (though still far below normal humans)? It gives me the shivers to even think about such things.
And then there's the thought of these two actually fucking. Oh God. I think I need a brain transplant.
Saturday, December 09, 2006